I finally have a day off work and I’ve spent most of it trying to relax and catch up on a few things. Looking back on these last few weeks I’ve been reflecting why I was successful at certain tasks and unsuccessful at others. Often enough I have a whole list of tasks I want to accomplish, long term or short term. Today was one of the days I didn’t even look at it, though I did get a few things done.
I think my main conflict is between doing what I want to do and what I want myself to want to do. That is, it’s much easier to hang out and watch a TV show or relax then go clean my room or do meal prep. I mean, I want to be healthy and live in a clean room, but will power is limited and what I really wanted was a day off. Don’t get me wrong, I got a lot of things done, but probably only at 30% efficiency.
I’ve noticed recently that there are things I want to do and things I want myself to want to do. The things I want to do are often a mixture of non-productive and non-urgent things (classified Steven Covey style) like movies or games or staring at my iPhone and productive things like going to the gym, reading a book.
So why do we have this drive to do things that, essentially, we don’t want to do? Why do I want to strive for more, for something that’s not easy and comfortable, and why is the drive to want to do more not the same as the motivation or determination to do more? I would say I want to improve and be a better person, which I do, but I also don’t thing there’s anything wrong with the person I am now, or that there really is a better per se.
It’s not for anyone else, I’m not trying to impress anyone. I’m happy with who I am and my life, there’s nothing really wrong with it. I make plenty of money, travel a bunch, and I’m generally filling my life goals. I could die now and be happy. I try to be a minimalist and I don’t really want more stuff unless I’m getting rid of other stuff.
So what’s the drive behind it all? I’m not sure. I just know that there are definitely more things I want myself to want to achieve or do or complete and I spend more time on those than anything else.
The photo above is when my friend Paul and I took an airplane flying lesson in 2012.