Hey guys, Todd Valentine here.
A question I’m often asked when people first find out that I’m a pickup artist or dating coach is, “What’s your pickup line?” It’s a normal question- a natural response to the unknown is to start at the beginning – but in my opinion, guys put way too much emphasis on this “pickup line,” this idea of the first thing you say.
I’ve found that it truly doesn’t matter what you say. I could give a guy with no experience in the game the best possible pickup line, but if it’s done in a nervous or reaction seeking way, or without the right tone of voice or body language, he’s going to look like a complete tool. On the other hand, if we take a guy who is centered in who he is, confident and grounded, and give him something really offensive to say, maybe calling the girl a dog, the guy can make it work (and most of the time, it works well).
What’s interesting about not only the opener, but the game in general, is that it’s not so much about what you say but how you say it. It’s not so much about what you do, as how you do it. Much of the game is about coming off as a guy who has an abundance of women- a guy who has had women and is confident in himself. Many people will try to “fake it till they make it,” and that can work to an extent, but obviously it’s much better to be genuinely confident.
Also, regarding the opener- what’s much more important than the opener itself is what comes directly afterwards. For example- if you say something really witty and then go silent, and the girl doesn’t react well, you’ve effectively killed the interaction. But if you’d just said, “Hi,” and then continued talking and filling in the silence with some decent conversation, then things would usually go really well.
The big thing to realize here is: what is the purpose of an opener or pick up line? It’s just to open. That’s it! It’s not meant to enable you to have sex with the girl off the opener. If you’re thinking that you can say the magic words and a girl will instantly spread her legs for you, it’s just not going to happen. This will be more based off of what you do over the next few hours, dates or days with this girl. All the opener is meant to do is get you in (open the set).
From there, it’s completely on you to be the cool guy that owns the set and is naturally attractive to women. If you’re trying to do too much on the opener, you’re going to automatically convey neediness to the girl. This is the worst thing you can do. When a girl sees you as needy she is thinking that you don’t have girls in your life, you haven’t had girls in the past, and she should probably follow suit, killing the interaction. So remember, the point of the opener is simply to get the conversation started.
Now, there are a few components that are necessary for the conversation to get started. First, you must be loud enough for her to hear you. A lot of guys are extremely nervous on the open. A lot of guys are embarrassed by the idea of opening a girl, especially in a crowd of people. So instead of almost whispering, “Hi. How are you?,” which conveys that you’re afraid to be seen doing what you’re doing, almost inviting the notion that you have devious or immoral intentions, try going in with a nice, relaxed yet confident voice and saying, “Hey. Who are you, I wanted to meet you,” or something similar. This conveys that what you’re doing is ok- you’re comfortable and confident with it, and the girl will usually follow suit to feel the same way.
Also, if there are other bystanders watching you do this, and you are able to withstand the social pressure or energy they are inflicting on you, this is a sign of extremely high value to the girl. Think about it- you’re indicating that in your past experiences, when you’ve been loud or the center of attention, you’ve usually received a positive response. This implies to the girl that you’ve led a life where you’ve been popular and well received (people like you).
So when you go in loud and confident, the girl says “Oh. It seems like people have liked him before, maybe I should like him.” Obviously the girl isn’t actually saying this to her self, but at a subconscious and biological level these thoughts are affecting the way she reacts to you.
So to wrap it up regarding the opener-
It doesn’t really matter what you open with, it matters how you open. And most of all, it matters that you open in a loud, confident and comfortable way, as if you truly believe that whatever you’re doing is the right thing to be doing.
With that said, I guess I will tell you my favorite opener. Don’t tell anyone.