Mike Dariano

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Love and Marriage, Hills and Thrills, Trains and Tracks

I sometimes wonder how I'm married. It's not the actual ceremony I don't remember, that's a very happy moment. It was late August at an old monastery. My wife wore white and was lovely and happy and full of smiles. It's also not that something is wrong now, there was no fighting last night or last week. It's wonderment that anyone is married.

Marriage is a hard thing to even conceptualize much less do. You spend 18, or 24, or 35 years becoming this person with one set of dreams, family traditions, ways to make coffee in the morning and then you find this other person. Now there are different ways to dream, celebrate with family and make coffee in the morning, these are your tolls for marriage. It's like you're an engineer, building the train and tracks for your life when suddenly or slowly you find this other person with a different train and different tracks and you think that instead of crashing together, maybe these two trains can make an even better one. Often they do.

When your trains come together there is lots of excitement and you don't immediately notice that one person gets more cars put on than another and your new train looks more like one persons earlier version than another. My sister-in-law, one of the world's greatest parents had to move to Connecticut for her train when her solo tracks were laid towards Ohio. Other friends have trains that now include sickness, or income, or life choices that weren't even on their maps.

These trains, our marriages, our lives - none are ever even. One person always makes more money, one person changes more diapers, one person makes more of a mess and one person will clean up more messes. What matters isn't that things work out evenly but that things just work.

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