Mike Dariano


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Illinois removes all car safety laws

Springfield Il. (Bakersville News) In a stunning move the Illinois state legislator has removed all safety requirements for vehicles and their drivers. Included in this law are requirements to provide and wear seat belts, making horns optional and the elimination of all front windshields.

"We didn't want to become a nanny state" said State senator Mike Jacobs, a professed Oreo lover. Jacobs went on "It's not in the interest of this state to protect its citizens; aside from food requirements, public safety, safe drinking water, and health services." After his prepared statements Jacobs was asked to explain his comments on becoming a nanny state. "Just remember Marry Poppins" Jacobs said, "Those children didn't want to take their medicine, clean their rooms or do what she told them. That's a nanny state and we won't stand for that."

Automotive makers weren't sure what to make of these announcements. A spokesman for Ford, which has two plants in the state, said "I'm not sure that providing safety to our consumers constitutes a nanny state. Ford will continue to provide high quality, fuel-efficient vehicles with front windshields."

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