Linus Rylander

writer, entrepreneur, maverick

author, copywriter, lifestyle strategist
linusrylander

Confidence is a myth

  • linusrylander
  • 8 years ago
  • 6 replies
  • 4 likes
  • No

What is confidence?

Well, it isn't something.

People who, for instance, are afraid of public speaking will say things like "I'm not confident enough."

That's because if you're anxious about speaking in front of people, you will watch people who CAN talk in front of people without being nervous, you automatically assume they have something you don't.

If I can't do that, and HE can, then HE must have something I don't.

And we call that confidence.

Actually, it's the other way around.

It's not that the other guy has something you don't, it's that you have something he doesn't.

Fear.

You could define confidence as the absence of fear.

Therefore, the process of becoming more confident is the same as overcoming fear.

Just an observation I had while out running...

###

In other news: The first issue of our (me + 2 partners) new marketing newsletter just shipped! I'm pretty excited. Get your subscription here: http://radicalanimal.com, it's free.

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Sam Davies
  • Sam Davies
  • 8 years ago
  • No likes
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I like this Linus but I disagree with it a little. I feel confident when I speak in public, I know what I need to say, but I still feel nervous, it's just I've learnt that my drive to succeed is greater than my fear. My fear is always there, but I don't see it as an enemy.

author, copywriter, lifestyle strategist
linusrylander
  • linusrylander
  • 8 years ago
  • No likes
  • Reply

I think what you are describing is a very primal thing. It's almost impossible not to feel anything if you're speaking to a group of people. Your brain thinks there's a chance of being exiled from the tribe and subsequently mauled by meat-eating things with fangs. But I still wouldn't consider confidence anything special. Most people have degrees of confidence, which really just describes how comfortable they are with doing any specific thing. Sometimes they are confident, sometimes not. Well, how most people feel when they are confident is pretty much how I feel all the time. It's like, the default state.

I guess what I'm trying to communicate is that the process of becoming confident is not so much learning something new as it is unlearning its opposite. You go on stage for the first time and your brain thinks it will get mauled by a tiger. And then you get off stage and you realize you didn't get mauled by a tiger, so next time you're on stage you are less anxious about tigers. Would you agree with that?

Author, Chill Seeker, Traveller. Check Out The Adventures Below. : )
Sam Davies
  • Sam Davies
  • 8 years ago
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Yeah, absolutely. I'm starting to think even more and more into how linguistics and words are causing us to feel emotions we don't need to label. Does a natural man who approaches a woman communicate to himself 'I'm confident because I can approach women?' no, he just does it without thinking. It's the same as approach anxiety, before I even knew that term I didn't fear it as much but perhaps labelled it differently. Thoughts?

author, copywriter, lifestyle strategist
linusrylander
  • linusrylander
  • 8 years ago
  • One like
  • Reply

Hey Sam. Here's the reply I wrote 2 weeks ago but SETT wouldn't let me post until today, lol.

"I definitely agree. I have two basic labels for everything in my life: flow and obstruction. If my life is a boat, then something either helps me sail with the wind or it doesn't.

This makes the purpose of anything to increase flow and eliminate obstruction. Journaling and writing is about finding, illuminating and destroying obstruction.

Flow is the natural state. Increasing flow is achieved by eliminating obstruction. Things like setting goals becomes redundant.

This is the most "minimalist" way possible to see the world. There's no need for any labels beyond flow or obstruction, period. Everything else gets put on a binary system of yes/no. Movies, for instance. It doesn't matter if you'd rate it a 7 or 8 out of ten, because either it's worth watching or it isn't. You're spending the same damn two hours, so who cares. Either it's worth doing, or it isn't."

Fighting the good fight - to make the body congruent with the soul... Old blog http://3rddimension.wordpress.com New blog http://sett.com/thetinyoctopus/
War in Heaven
  • War in Heaven
  • 8 years ago
  • No likes
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Makes total sense now. I always thought I slowly became more confident over the decade but what was actually happening was me undergoing a process of pushing the envelope + dismantling logical structures that hold my false beliefs in place.

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