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What it takes to do your best work

I work at a large company now and when having conversations with my friends they would often express surprise at my decision to do so. Up until now I’ve only done creative freelance work, or worked at small startups because I wanted to have creative input. I had an expectation that because I was doing client work or working directly with the owner of the company that my ideas would be heard, but I would say my experiences haven't met these expectations. This jadedness has lead me to fall into state I call mercenary mode: I’ve cut my feelings toward a project and approach my work with a cold distance, whatever my client or manager wanted me to do, I would just implement. And this was my reasoning for joining a big company, if my ideas weren’t going to be heard either way, I’d rather be at a place with more structure and downtime.

These days I contemplate going back to creative work. On one hand I feel most fulfilled doing creative work, on the other hand doing operations at a large company is very straightforward and stress-free, I would even say its enjoyable. When I do humor myself at the thought of doing creative work again I will inevitably feel cynicism thinking back to the many ideas I’ve brought up with excitement and sincerity only to have them be turned down.

I do, however, question the validity of my frustration. Are my feelings toward wanting to have my idea heard valid? In an interview with Rene Ritche, Apple Designer May-Li Khoe expressed astonishment at the fact that other designers are upset with having to do work that eventually gets thrown in the trash. She says that 99% of her work gets thrown in the trash and that's the normal.

And maybe this is what it takes? Maybe the right mindset is to be okay with knowing it takes having 99 ideas turned down, or having 99 prototypes trashed to have a chance at that 1 project completed the way I envisioned. Maybe this is the price paid to be a creative.

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