American [no longer] In Korea The New Jersey of Asia en-us Fri, 18 Sep 2020 22:31:02 -0700 Sett RSS Generator The Adventure Continues American in Busan, which later became American in Korea was a 2 year writing exercise that garnered more notoriety than I had ever expected. The persona of Fratty Duckleford was fun to write, drawing influences from Gaijin Smash, Tucker Max, Maddox, and other early internet fratire and fratire-adjacent bloggers. Once the notoriety of American in Korea peaked when it got on national Korean TV channel, MBC it didn't take long before a social justice warrior from my teaching cohort tattled to EPIK on me, revealing my identity to the administrators, not that I kept it a secret. I spent my second year in Korea in the countryside of Changnyeong in solitude, having to bus 40 minutes to Daegu to pursue debauchery, but also spending a lot more time reading and introspecting.

Look, there's a lot that's happened between then and now, about 7 years worth of living in Queens, so I'll just sum it up.

1. I'm a pole dancer, and I go by Asian SweetBoy

2. I go to orgies every week or so

3. I also do adult performances on live stream, but mostly hidden behind my Onlyfans page.

4. I'm still not chasing my dream of writing comedy

I'll be writing again when I can on Patreon just to get back into it and keep a memoir of my ridiculous life since Korea. But if you just want to know what happened to me, my website should give you more than enough.



See ya later sluts

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Mon, 02 Mar 2020 16:40:34 -0800
Twenty Five to Life American In Korea was my second serious attempt at blogging*. I got a few laughs, a lot of hate, and even managed to get on MBC. But more than just ruffling feathers and 'avin a giggle, I refined my voice as a shitty writer. Maybe it's tacky to say this, but writing down the thoughts I had and ways I coped while living in the most racist, fag-hatingest self-unaware country I've ever been to was cathartic to a degree I didn't expect.

I left Korea and arrived in New York on March 1st, 2014. I was busy preparing for my new life, and had neither time nor interest in my old one. My time was monopolized between job hunting, networking, and my girlfriend. I rarely updated American in Korea- The well had run dry.

It has been 17 months since I returned to America. I have a steady job. I have established my life here, and a framework for the near future. I lost the girl, and with her, all reason to behave like a civilized human being. Hell, I even got an iPhone. My life is finally in that place of precarious balances. Between enough relationships, and enough intimacy. Enough money, and enough things to spend it on. Enough women, and enough penis to keep their attention. A good bit of odd things have happened in the past year, and I am just beginning to write them all down. The filth will flow again shortly at my new blog, Twenty Five to Life.

I've picked up my pen, and it is heavy with ink. I think we have a lot to catch up on.

*I started my first blog when I studied abroad in Japan. It was called Japanese Condoms Are Small. There wasn't as much sex because I was still learning how to cheat, but it was vulgar enough to be considered a precursor.

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Fri, 24 Jul 2015 11:26:26 -0700
New Travels It's been a year since my time in Korea, and I am happy to have it distant in location and memory, though I do miss the abundance of cheap grilled pork. I've had a few travels in the last year, most notably to Nicaragua, and intend to hack away at the fog of war hanging over my perception of the Western Hemisphere while I'm living in New York. Next up is Philadelphia, and after that, Montreal.

It turns out, I still have more words to say, and more places to go, so I'll keep writing, but somewhere else. Stay tuned.

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Mon, 09 Mar 2015 14:08:20 -0700
Don't Get Fired Note to self: You've only been at this job for 5 months. Try not to get fired, cause then everyone will laugh at you, and you'll feel like a dick.

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Sun, 23 Nov 2014 19:45:48 -0800
A Dream of Spring It's nice to be able to walk down any street and see pizza in windows, unmolested by sweet potato and sweet corn. New York has been good to me for the past two months, better the Seoul ever was. Although I will miss the Uzbek restaurants by Dongdaemun History & Culture Park, New York isn't exactly short on ethnicities. The Uzbeks are still here, but they cut hair instead of noodles. My neighborhood is mostly Latino, and after two years in Korea, I'm grateful for it. When I walk by a restaurant, I enjoy the scent instead of cover my nose. There are still tons of Asians in Queens, but aside from one or two places selling re-heated packaged ramyeon for $7, most of the Korean presence is limited to dry-cleaners and clandestine human trafficking operations.

Which is how I prefer it.

The most exposure I've had to Korean culture since leaving Korea was this fine establishment. The laughter I got from reading the reviews alone got me amped for my friend's going away party here. The hospitality was almost bad enough to be authentically Korean. But because the Korean to Subhuman-otherkin ratio was favorable to the club, we weren't given the typical Korean hospitality, and mercifully allowed to part with our money. I was on ecstasy and therefore enjoying myself, but other than that it did remind me of any generic club in Hongdae, which is to say, all of them.

I still get the occasional group of noisy, perpetually irritated ajummas clearing their throats in a gossip circle while I'm trying to enjoy lunch at the cafe around the corner, but now I see this behavior from all sorts of Asians, so I don't attribute it to Korea as much. Overall, I'm happy. I'm happy to have enjoyed all that I could from Korea, and I'm much happier to be out of there. I haven't tasted ssamjang or dwenjang in months. I have no craving for any Korean cuisine whatsoever, not with all the options from gastronomically superior countries here. My time in Korea has made me ever more grateful for access to fresh produce in the US, and garlic that actually smells like garlic. I can't say it's been tough adjusting to a life without boiled octopus and fermented sauces.

What Next?

I want nothing more to do with Korea. Nothing about the culture holds my interest, and as the past two years fade further away from the present, I can't even say I dislike the country enough to continue writing about it. What more could I say that I haven't already said, anyway? It's a miserably overworked country running on rotgut liquor, stale coffee, rotting vegetables and boiled meat. The children are systematically abused and the women have it even worse. I'm out of pity and I'm (finally) out of words.

Thanks for reading about my adventures in the last two years.


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Wed, 14 May 2014 12:28:55 -0700
Who's Replacing Me? The rural regions of Korea were thought to be insulated from the massive downsizing of the ESL teaching force, but this is not the case. The majority of the teachers in my town are leaving as the EPIK cuts continue to roll out. Yesterday, I had a conversation with my only Korean friend in town about these changes.

My friend, is quite the character. A portly man with slicked hair and a slicker suit rarely seen without booze or smoke in his large fists. He owns a couple of tiny hagwons in Daegu, but his main profession is politics. He tells me that after investing a large amount of money into bribing the right ajeosshis, his virtual learning company has secured a contract the provincial Ministry of Education. His Filipina employees are far better English-speakers than Korean teachers, much cheaper than Native teachers, and swallow much more Korean cum than both combined. I congratulated Carl on getting the contract as we ate pig intestine soup and talked about his favorite sport; cheating on his fiance. Apparently all it takes to bribe your way into a contract in Korea is some cheap booze and a couple of hours with some Krygyztani hookers and maybe a "business trip" to Boracay.

I don't know what's going on in other provinces, but if you were wondering what's happening around my parts, our jobs have been outsourced to the Philippines.

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Mon, 24 Feb 2014 18:25:58 -0800
Finding happiness in Korea is like raping a hooker in a port o potty. Technically you're getting laid but you're still encased in a shitty, poorly insulated plastic box, bathing in the smell of digested food, and what awful lengths you had to go through to get there.

Looking back on this blog makes me laugh. A constant barrage of observational filth (the eye is stained by what it sees) interspersed by my snapshots of my happiest times ( food,sex, exploring myself basically). I don't know if this is some backwards rationalization, ego-defense-mechanism, but when I think about the last two years, I mostly remember the good stuff. The bad stuff I remember too, but my mind relabels them as merely funny.

I moved from the most desirable-to-live city in Korea to a farm town that a lot of Koreans don't even know exist. It could have gone really bad, but it didn't. Part of this is because I got really, really good at snatching snatch without a wingman out of necessity. Part of this is also because I got a huge raise with a huge decrease in job stress. But the biggest part of this was because of my attitude. Of course I did a lot of venting which turned into mad rants, maybe more than most. But only when the pressure valve needed release- when other sources of negativity started to infect me, I bolted. I'm not saying that people here don't have reason to complain- I'm saying whether or not they're justified is moot, either way it feeds itself and wasn't doing me any good.

How did I get through a year in the Korean country side without blowing my brains out? I think most people medicate with drugs and alcohol. One young Brit guy in my hood was caught with an impressive smorgasbord of psychedelics and made headlines. Another Canadian man who'd been at the same school for 9 years drank his way into rehab, and did not. Both are now in their respective countries, one facing a legal battle, the other in rehab. I'm not one to judge people for their vices, but this country is an awful place for either vice. Drugs are scarce and expensive ($100 for 1 pill of E), and Korean alcohol? Let's just say that buying me a Cass will triple your chances of me pressing charges after you date rape me.

I'll never get outta this world alive...

What kept me sane these last 10 months were math and sex. I logged into Khan Academy, and eventually filled two notebooks with solved equations and notes. If I wasn't watching a lecture, I was logged into Codecademy, learning Python and Javascript. This was my air.

As far as sex goes, it wasn't so much the act, but the pursuit. The dice is loaded against you regardless of your preference, but at least I maximized the chances of having at least average (consensual) sex.

1. No Koreans

2. Absolutely no Koreans

3. If you are approached by a Korean, do as you would do with a fresh dog turd and step around it. Don't touch it, don't insult it, certainly don't go down on it, just continue on your business. This is how I preserve intercultural harmony.

Still, if it wasn't dicey it wouldn't be fun. And when I was just looking for fun, I found friends instead. I made some friends, lost some others, and all of it, the ups and the downs, kept me sane in my little apartment. I won't say the number of confirmed kills, but it was more than last year.

Oh yeah, and also I play a shitload of Civilization V: Gods and Kings. I usually go Japan and if Korea isn't enslaved or a penal colony by turn 200, I consider it a loss and start a new game.

In a few months I'll have my teaching license. I will put Korea behind me, and teaching ESL (in my current sub-professional capacity) beneath me. I'll be teaching physics, a topic that challenges and therefore interests me, and that I'm actually qualified to teach, according to the proud state of Florida's famously successful public education system. Either that, or I'll get a real job.*

Two years of pension, my exit allowance, severance pay, plus that extra $1,300 from EPIK last year (welcome to take me to court, apes) adds up to about ten grand, a nice parachute to help me with whatever comes next. Thanks, Korean government, you're the best!

*I'm kidding, chill. Teachers are sooooo undervalued in our society. Now wipe them tears with a Kleenex you can't afford, or just use your liberal arts diploma.

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Wed, 05 Feb 2014 03:21:35 -0800
OKCupid Chronicles: The Other Side What can you expect out of OKCupid in Korea as a woman? From what I've observed, the female OKC experience goes like this:

You put a lot of time making your profile sound interesting but aloof enough to imply that you're only looking for some attention to validate you, not an actual human connection (because you're smart, sexy, and above online dating). If you're straight, all your answers are honest except for body type, because your subconscious knows that that's a deal breaker for any man worth his salt.

First come the Indians. Unintelligible messages from troglodytic hair-beasts asking you to sex or marry them from thousands of miles away. This is novel at first, until the too-old-for-that-tan losers message you, along with the Will Clearly Fuck Anything That Moves guys. After about a week, you change the answers to the sex questions to make yourself seem less easy.

If you can weather the onslaught of the horde of Indian men who subsist on rape like a barnacle on plankton, in time you might meet someone like the charmer below, who accounts for not one, but two horror stories in the Korea expat dating scene. Enjoy!

Names have been changed to protect the identities of girls who let me touch their vaginae. Both girls are directing the messages to me, and edited for redundancy.

Melanie Abra

i just clicked on someone who's your friend on facebook and she is either friends with or dating this really weird guy i met twice on okcupid... why is korea such a small world

i met him like twice and he started commenting on all my facebook pictures and sending me a million pictures of stuff he did during the day and constantly wanted to meet and he wasn't even korean, he was an american


American In Korea


which friend

Melanie Abra

Tracy Bridges

the guy is [redacted] Nguyen

I ask Tracy about [redacted]. Accounts from both girls are unfolding at the same time, so I've threaded both of our conversations and edited them for redundancy.

Tracy Bridges

Lolol ya I used to date him too

He was weird as fuq

American In Korea@Tracy

"i just clicked on someone who's your friend on facebook and she is either friends with or dating this really weird guy i met twice on okcupid... why is korea such a small world i met him like twice and he started commenting on all my facebook pictures and sending me a million pictures of stuff he did during the day and constantly wanted to meet and he wasn't even korean, he was an american"

Tracy Bridges


always sharing every detail of his fucking life

he was kinda cool but mostly annoying

Melanie Abra

he sent me a picture of vomit on the side of the street once and i was like "why would you send anyone this?!" and then i think i deleted him on everything... it was super gross

American In Korea

Tracy dated him for a bit

also concurs he was weird as fuck

Melanie Abra

hahah really? why? i didn't get to know him that well and we just had dinner twice. he creeped me out more than enough with just that

American In Korea

she says he did the same thing to her. not the vomit, the commenting

Melanie Abra

are you asking her this now? haha

American In Korea@Melanie


always sharing every detail of his fucking life

he was kinda cool but mostly annoying”

Melanie Abra

yeah that's how i felt exactly

Tracy Bridges

After I told him I didn't wanna see him he kept being weird so eventually I told him not to talk to me anymore

He lives in Seoul

Ugh... shudder.

American In Korea

she said he msged her a picture of vomit on the sidewalk

Tracy Bridges


American In Korea

and that was the last straw

Tracy Bridges

Fuck I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks he's a weirdo

American In Korea

nguyen is that viet or filipino

Tracy Bridges


The sex was good and he was interesting but he kept asking me why I didn't wanna see him so I had to tell him in detail why he repulsed me

American In Korea

i can't tell if that was cathartic for you or awkward

Tracy Bridges


i mean i don't give a shit about him so it's whatever

but yeah. he also called me out of the blue in september i think...

i hadn't spoken to him in 5 months or something

and he was like 'yeah.. i really miss you and what we had. blah blah blah'

'well.. i gotta go. i'm with my girlfriend now eating dinner' or some shit

idk if he was trying to make me jealous but it backfired cause he just seemed crazy as fuck and reminded me why i don't talk to him

American In Korea

that's a bit much

Tracy Bridges


Melanie Abra

i don't think i even did that i just blocked him on OKCupid and defriended him... oops

have you ever had two girls you dated or banged figure out they both knew you

American In Korea

like in korea?

Melanie Abra


it's such a small fucking world

American In Korea

she said the sex was good

Melanie Abra

for example, i kind of knew this guy who was best friends in high school with my first boyfriend. he ended up moving to korea to do video game design. i end up talking to some guy on okcupid and adding him on facebook and guess who he works with! that guy

oh man i don't think i could have had sex with that guy

Melanie Abra

I think he was nice just had no idea what boundaries are



American In Korea@Tracy

yea my friend met him on okcupid

Tracy Bridges

yeah i met him through acquaintances

i don't think i've ever dated someone as half heartedly

we were at a bar once and i wandered off for an hour and made out w two other guys


American In Korea


*actually laughing out loud

Tracy Bridges


it was a classy time in my life

he got all pissed off at me in the morning about it when he realized i was laying in bed beside him texting one of the dudes

American In Korea

small world, big stories. the life of Tracy Bridges

Tracy Bridges

ahahah, i'm glad i could bring the lols

Tracy Bridges

i'm kinda hard on myself for dating him for that long (that's a long time to date a crazy person)

but i guess i can justify it because i was very new to korea and i think i was just stoked to have someone to chill w

also he has a massive like.. three bedroom luxury apt in itaewon where my friends and i would all crash/have parties

so that was probably a big part of it too

American In Korea

English teacher with an apt like that?

Tracy Bridges

no, he's pretty high ranking in the miltary

i think he's been in japan and korea for like.. 5 years?

some spiffy job i never cared to ask about

Melanie Abra

Tracy is hilarious

We should have been friends in korea

Bffs with her and [another of my friends from OKC]

American In Korea


you'd probably like Tracy

she's somewhat of a fag hag

Melanie Abra

Yeah I looked through her pictures and got that impression

That she has a ton of gay friends

American In Korea

i'll let u go to sleep for realsies


wait lol she's still going

Tracy Bridges

he's also obsessed with clothes/fashion.. like to the point that it just embarassed me

we went to busan and he wore a fucking three piece linen suit and straw fedora [emphasis mine] to the beach

i kinda liked his 1950s/madmen vibe when we met but

he took it way too fucking far

Melanie Abra

Yeah I'm halfway there

He commented on a picture I took of a Korean movie poster for titanic and was upset that I didn't see it with him

Despite us never having spoken of it

Keep sending me these they are funny


If you're a woman in Korea trolling for hot strange, i wish you nothing but the best of luck. I have heard way too many of these stories, and it is just depressing..

To Sgt./Lt./whatever Nguyen, thank you for your service. I really appreciate it.

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Mon, 20 Jan 2014 21:00:30 -0800
Vietnam Part 2: More General Impressions Attitude

Vietnamese people are also by and large, as warm and friendly as their Mekong delta neighbors. Seen loy (excuse me)and gam un (thank you) gets you quite far. In case you're wondering about the war, no bad feelings towards Americans have been harbored for decades. I had lunch with a veteran who recounted his memories of being shocked at how nicely he was treated by former infantry of the North just a few years when he returned to Vietnam. They aren't fond of the Chinese, but that's due to their government's human rights violations, and honestly who supports that shit, aside from all of us who buy Chinese products indirectly...

You'll find a significant number of taxi drivers that deserve to have been Mengele experiments in any country but these subhuman pieces of shit are much easier to deal with in Vietnam than in Korea. Mai Linh, Vinasun, and Vinataxi are reputable companies that are everywhere- except the airport. My worst encounter was with a belligerent taxi driver locking the doors on me and some other clueless Chinese fuck and demanding the standard 200k VND/pax airport rate after midnight. He locked the doors on me after I refused to pay, eventually getting out of the car to open the door and negotiate me to 150k. I was about ready to pay when I saw him pull out the incorrect amount of change. I gave him what I owed and walked away. He cursed at me a few times before getting back in his meaningless life.

By paying tourist prices you inflate the economy, fucking shit up for everyone, locals included. The only ones that gain are the guy laughing at you as you walk away and your narcissistic ego. You're not a humanitarian, just a coward and a fool.

North or South?

The overwhelming opinion of the backpackers I came across was that Hanoi blows. Hanoi is dirty, crowded, with little to do, and a more extreme climate. It's a 1 night stop on the way over to Ha Long Bay, a waystation like Manila, well maybe not THAT bad. I even hosted a couchsurfer from Hanoi once who had nothing great to say about Hanoi. She was also a bitch, so I left her a "neutral" reference.


My investigation was about as thorough as Gawker is with their fact checking, so I can't honestly say what the drug scene is like, but they were way easier to get in Cambodia, Laos, and Thailand. Even pure Tramadol was hard to find, as most pharmacies carried Paracet instead. Do I look like I want liver failure with my opiate buzz?? No thanks.

So here is the extent of my drug prices:

20ct diazepam (valium) 5mg $3 /60k VND

10ct tramadol 50mg $5 / 100k VND

10ct ultracet xxmg $5 / 100k VND

Many pharmacies only had ultracet rather than pure tramadol which is 37mg tramadol and a lot of paracetemol. Not something I would settle for.

The Girls

If Taiwan re-ignited my appreciation for Asian women, Vietnam chilled it to embers. I only counted two 8s during my entire trip. I'm satisfied with my sample: the hottest girls in the Mekong are certainly Thai. And the hottest girls in Thailand are certainly guys.


Many people think couchsurfing is dangerous. They're idiots. Couchsurfing has enhanced my travel experiences tenfold. A good host will let you crash at their place and give you some intel. A great host will show you around town, introduce you to friends, even suck your dick if your lucky. Some of the dirtiest, best sex (I had diarrhea the entire week) I can remember was with a last-minute host I found in Bangkok. And the best part was walking away from that without a single disease. Actually, since my diarrhea stopped shortly after, I might have walked away with one less.

I surfed with three hosts and wasn't so lucky this time, but they showed me so much I would've missed out on. My first host An, took me to eat many foods only a local would know, and just as equally important, dissuaded me from wasting my time on overrated bullshit.

For example, after appearing on No Reservations, 'The Lunch Lady became Vietnam's most famous street vendor. I mean come on- Anthony Bourdain's real as fuck and been doing this shit for twenty years, who could resist following in his footsteps? But according to An, her food is just average. Not that Bourdain lied about anything- she was popular with locals long before being patronized by a white man (the opposite of what usually happens to an Asian woman). But locals who work have little time for lunch, and crave variety. She got popular for her different daily dish, not her skills. She's not worth the pain in the ass it is to find her, unless you're the selfie-taking Bourdain fanboy on a pilgrimage.

Next up, I'll talk about Ho Chi Minh City.

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Tue, 14 Jan 2014 19:10:27 -0800
Vietnam Part 1: Vietnamese Food Last of the Mekong Delta countries on my list (I don't fuck with Myanmar) but a favorite of many. I toured through the South up to the central highlands and back. Winter is not ideal for the North, and I did not regret my decision to skip Hanoi in the least, which I will explain later.

I came to Vietnam with low expectations because 1. What could possibly top Cambodia? and 2. The large volume of cautions for scams and thieves in Vietnam. The warnings were noticeably more severe than either Laos, Cambodia, or Thailand. I'm happy to say that I had a phenomenal time in Vietnam, felt reasonably safe, and the trip cost much less than I thought.

I will talk specifically of Ho Chi Minh City, Da Lat, Da Nang, and Hoi An in separate posts, and what I did there after a few gross generalizations of the country overall.

The Food:

Lives up to their reputation. Hands down the best country for cuisine. And I'll tell you a little about pho:
First off- yes, they do pronounce it “fuh”. Hanoi invented it, but Saigon perfected it- The battle between the two Phos is not like the war between Chicago pizza and New York pizza. It's more like Chicago pizza and California Pizza Kitchen. Pho is damn good, vying for 1st place with Japanese Ramen as the king of noodle soups. But it's not worth going to Vietnam for, you can find great pho on either coast of the US. As my first host, An told me, “There is so much more to Saigon than pho and banh mi. I've lived here my whole life and I haven't even tried everything yet.”

You would be surprised how easy it is to get tired of banh mi (which was far superior to any Vietnamese sandwich I've had in NY). And you'll be glad for it too, once you discover other dishes. The food explores so many flavor profiles, and it's hard to imagine that the zenith of taste could be anything other than Vietnamese food. In regards to BBQ and seafood- why is Korea known for either at all? Vietnam is so objectively superior that it warrants genocide. The fact that Korean and not Vietnamese BBQ is known in the US just such a backwards, baffling stain of ignorance.

There were some big hits and misses on the wikitravel, and I'll get to specific joints in the city posts.

Best meal I had was street shellfish in HCMC, pictured above. Runner up would be Sate at a Chinese place in district 7 (Chinatown).

Best banh mi? Toss up between Lien Hoa in Da Lat which has average ratings on Tripadvisor and isn't even listed on Wikitravel, and My Phuong on Hoi An. The former is lighter, allowing you to experience it several times. The second is the heaviest banh mi you'll ever find, and also made an appearance on No Reservations. My Phuong was probably better (didn't try it with a fried egg), but this thing will knock you on your ass. I'd probably just eaten too much Lien Hoa but after two rounds with My Phuong I didn't touch banh mi again.

My Phuong Banh Mi

Regional Specialties, or Which City for Which Food


Pho, Com Tam (Broken Rice)- “It's true that Saigon has the best com tam, but com tam is not the best food in Saigon.” I never ended up trying it, description wasn't that appealing to be honest.

Hoi An-

Cao Lao
Mi Quang
White Rose, but it sucks compared to Dim Sum shrimp dumplings


Com Ga (Chicken Rice)- The Com Ga in Hoi An is highly lauded, so I asked a local for a recommendation, tried it and wasn't impressed.

Hoi An Com Ga:

Danang Com Ga:

The Com Ga I had in Danang was crisp and flavorful. I was ready to eat it a second time right after. Hoi An Com Ga is bland and boring.

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Fri, 10 Jan 2014 06:19:14 -0800