Cambodia Intermission: Warning, Plotholes ahead!
After having dinner with Brett, we realized just how much we blacked out. Here are a few of the holes in time we managed to fill:
1. In the Air
On the flight from Siem Reap to Guangzhou (we think) I sat next to this fat girl. According to Brett, immediately after sitting down I began telling her my life story. This continued for two hours, and Brett knows because he sat behind us and popped out his headphones every now and then while I was talking about who I was fucking, and my terrible job situation. He was surprised at how engaged and interested she was, considering I talked nonstop the entire flight. I blacked out for at least two hours, which makes sense because that would have been half an hour after I drank the rum and at least eight pink pills and a few blue ones. A rum raisin milk shake is the gayest way possible to black out, but hey, that's Xanax for ya.
2. What Happened in Phnom Penh?
This one took us a long time to figure out: Did we stay in Phnom Penh for one night, or two?
It took 8 hours by bus to get from Siem Reap to Phnom Penh, so we must have arrived in the afternoon. The plan was to get to Velkommen guesthouse despite its average ratings since we enjoyed the Velkommen in Siem Reap. What actually happened was I met a fat girl (a different one) at the bus station in PP and asked her if she wanted to share a tuk-tuk to her hostel. Brett says I offered her pills, but he says that about everyone I sit next to. Okay, now it's coming back to me... Fat Girl Prime (chronologically, I met her before the fat girl in the last story) was staying at The White Rabbit, which looks suspiciously similar to The Mad Monkey...but it definitely exists outside of my imagination, here's proof.
Brett: "Do you remember that crazy Dutch guy?"
Jiggly Billy: "...Was he sitting down at a wooden table? I can't even call that a memory, it's more like one still-frame with wisps of emotions hanging off it."
Brett: "I was outside smoking a joint, and when I came back this guy was telling you, “Just calm down, take it easy and go with the flow man. It's no big deal.”"
JB: “What made him crazy? Sounds like I was the crazy one.”
Brett: “I thought he was crazy. He looked like James Bond. Anyway, he was telling you to just go with the flow. He was telling you about his favorite whorebar, where you just go in and there's 8 girls at the bar, they're all hot, and you can get a blowjob, don't even need a condom. He even wrote down the name for you.”
Now armed with fresh intel, what probably happened next was we took a tuk-tuk to the area formerly known as Lakeside. He parked in a shady alley where we were swarmed by drug dealers before we even got out. I didn't want any of this shit so I fast-walked to these two old, white guys sitting on a bench. One was rolling a joint out of a huge bag of weed. I asked them what these Khmer guys could actually get us and for how much. Just then some junkie, another white guy, started walking torward us, and the joint roller hid his weed under a newspaper. We got out of there, but not before we caved in and spent $7 each for a bag of shrooms (fake, smelled real though), and a bag of mids (overpriced) from the Khmer dealers. Not long after this episode, I noticed my phone was missing. I ain't trying to say someone stole it but some khmigger probably stole it.
Brett remembers getting a private room at a nameless hostel where we smoked joints all night, and although there is no evidence or memory on my part, the time and events do add up. We did spend two nights in Phnom Penh. I just don't know where.