It's easy to take Busan for granted. Relatively nice weather, multiple beaches, nightlife and red light districts. You adapt to it fast. Even a nerd like myself who doesn't speak Korean managed to get a few one night stands in Busan last year just by walking around the bars.
Because I liked Busan so much, I never had any desire to go to Daegu. All I knew about Daegu was that it's a smaller and the weather sucks. This year, I decided that I would get to know our socially conservative neighbor to the north, even if that meant going alone and not knowing anybody. So far, I've spent four nights in Daegu and like a freshly convicted first-timer, I'm ready to give my impressions.
Daegu has a lot going for it that Busan doesn't. The nightlife is located in its one downtown area- Banwoldang. It's not as big as Seomyeon, but when there are hundreds of clubs, bars, and restaurants, does it really have to be? There are a dozen expat bars in Banwoldang, far more than any one nightlife district of Busan, in fact probably more than the entire city of Busan. No, definitely more than all of Busan. Not only that, but the centralized nightlife and dense expat population ensure that the venues are well populated with girls and boys who want to tittyfuck eachother's assholes.
I know quasi-anarchism is all the rage these days and while I can see the appeal of Ron Paul, don't underestimate the benefits that come with a centralized banging system. You do still have the option of two Thursday Partys, but the difference is those two Thursday parties don't comprise 40% of the options you have to meet English speakers in a ten mile radius.
There's a clear separation between the expats and soldiers, with the latter mostly occupying hip-hop clubs before their 1AM curfew. These guys aren't the brightest or whitest of the US Armed Forces, but if you've ever gone to a hip-hop club before, you probably already know what to expect. There is animosity between the teachers and soldiers, and no inter-group socializing. If you're used to encounters with drunk black people interacting with members of the service industry who have trouble understanding them, then you won't see anything unexpected.
A short story
Respecting Korean law by not watching porn had made three weeks feel like three months. I wasn't drunk yet, but already I was thinking about fucking things that I had never thought about fucking before. The reason I was going to Daegu was to try and end my dry spell, the excuse was to attend a speed-dating event, and the pretense for the excuse was to raise money for orphans. Usually, I couldn't give a fuck about orphans, but at this point I was horny enough to give two or three fucks to any orphan coming my way.
I couldn't even find MF Bar to get to the speed-dating, and now I was walking around with a boner in my pants from all these thoughts of orphans. Before the sun goes down, Banwoldang is just another giant grid of Korean businesses stacked on top of each other. Finally after asking several white people, for immediate surroundings beyond the screen of a phone or a mirror hardly ever enter the consciousness of a Korean, I found my way to MF Bar. Half the women that came were either very unattractive or only there for charity and to waste my time as a bonus. Some came who weren't even single or barely able to speak English. That's like showing up to the SATs without a No. 2 pencil. I wasn't really bummed out; when you're single in Korea these are the odds you're working with on any given night. At least there wasn't any pretense here.
I checked off the people on my sheet I was interested in, a black chick and a British chick, and went to the bar. By 9, the place was starting to get busy and I struck up a conversation with a Canadian. We were talking about things like Obama's eight-year reign of war and post-feminism so my chances of getting laid were about 150%. As if on cue with my optimism, she knocked over her glass, shattering it on the floor and spilled red wine all over me. Lady that she was, she bought another round and we continued talking about my country's war fetish. I was very impressed by this gesture of apology.
“You know what would make her want to fellate me,” I said in soliloquy, “Fat slabs of charcoal grilled pork.”
I knew we were on the same wavelength when we got there and she ordered a stew of pork, seaweed, fermented cabbage, and red pepper paste but I wonder if she even realized the consequences of this: If she were to blow me after this medley, she would be served the foulest cum ever to be swallowed by man, woman, or Jew. She certainly didn't know how long it'd been since my last sexual release; my sperm would blot out the sun. So we ate until we both felt like big bags of shit which essentially we were, and cabbed it back to her place. I didn't want to push the issue of sex; her earlier gesture of apologizing for the spilled wine deserved a gentlemanly gesture in return. Instead, I asked her to “show me your boobs” after I woke up and took two and half shits. Someone started throwing the word 'blowjob' around, and before you know it we were balls deep inside each others' vaginas.
And that is how I parlayed grilled pork into (safe) sex.
Last Thoughts on Daegu
Take exit 13 from Banwoldang and follow your instincts to get to the action. I will update with better instructions later, but for now this is all I got. I suggest getting some bag drinks at Bunny's Bar. They are cheap and have some great concoctions like Cookies & Cream, they even serve deep fried Oreos. If it's the end of the night and you've got nowhere to go, find exit 3 on the subway, it's across the intersection of exit 13. From there, walk to exit 1, turn right, and you can spend a night at Greenville jimjilbang for 7k. There's no shame in it except everybody thought you were too ugly to fuck and that was your last resort.
Oh, and the title of this post is a pun because of this drag queen I met, but I started drinking while writing this post and forgot to write about him. Fuck it.