“4 months ago, Haeundae beach was the main clubbing district. But then, Club fix became open. Now, people only go to Seomyeon. They all want to go to Pix. (Koreans have trouble pronouncing F sounds).” - Shim, native Busanite
“Club Fix is the only club in Busan worth going to.”- Brett's predecessor
Almost half a year since its opening, Fix still sits high on the throne of clubbing in Busan. Dance/house clubs aren't that popular in this city, though there are more bars and pubs than you could ever want. I love dancing, I love house music, and Fix rarely charges cover if you post on their Facebook page a day in advance. There's allegedly no better alternative to Fix in the entire city if you want to club like you're in Seoul, NY, LA, or Vegas.
The entrance to the club is next to a huge arcade that's almost as loud as the club itself. Getting past the bouncers and ticket office just takes you to either the VIP entrance or the two elevators- The actual club is on the 8th and 9th floor. I've never been through the VIP entrance and I'll explain why later (it's not because of Obama).
We usually try to get in to Fix around 11, and there's never any lines. Paradoxically, it's always pretty full. I was told that many Koreans don't get to the clubs before midnight, and stay out until sunrise. Once you get up there, you rent out a locker for a bunch of coins and head to the party. There's the main bar, right before the dance floor, staffed with five or six bartenders. The female staff are very hot, hotter than the clientele. It's supposedly taboo to show neckline let alone cleavage in Korea, but tell that to the bartender who covers her cleavage with a FEMA insurance policy. Seeing beautiful breasts in an outfit like that in Korea is finding two diamonds in the rough.
If you like to put penises in your mouth, Club Fix has something for you as well. There are two jacked, shirtless Korean guys in white pants who work in shifts as hype men. They dance about the DJ booth, usually on the stage, or the second floor walkway. Walkway, you ask? Just picture the screen where the visualizer is displayed, and now imagine an annoying fucking walkway obstructing the center of it. Duff Man will alternate between dancing with mini flashlights and holding up signs that say, “Put Your Hands Up”.
The dance floor is a rectangle in the center, surrounded by tables, stages, and poles on the perimeter. This setup is more or less mirrored for the VIP floor directly above. The VIPs like to dance around the balcony along three sides of the dance floor or just have a good time looking down at the regular guests. I've been up there by chance and the only VIP thing about it is you get to physically look down on people.
If you don't hear Party Rock Anthem every 30 minutes, something has gone seriously wrong. Shuffling is all the rage in Korea. All of my friends working at elementary schools are bombarded by their kids asking them to shuffle! “Shuffle dance, teacher, shuffle dance!” The Pareto effect is in full swing when it comes to any source of music in Korea. 5 songs comprise 80% of the play. Those songs are Party Rock Anthem, I Got My Eye On You, Moves Like Mick Jagger and thank god I can't remember the other 3, I'm going to cherish this time for as long as I can. The main DJ of Fix is Moriarty, and he WILL play the same damn playlist every time. Koreans will like it, because they're supposed to have fun at clubs. Cool people have fun.
The most important aspect of any clubs is the female guests. Ask any doorman who they deny entry to. Moreso than minorities, poorly dressed people, even groups of men, they are instructed- that is, it is their JOB to deny entry to fat women. On busy nights, space is limited, everybody wants to get in, and everybody wants to be around attractive people. It's not that fat women take up more space (that joke hasn't been funny since the 9th grade), the bottom line is that nobody buys them drinks, resulting in less revenue for the club.
In Korea, fat women are a non-issue. Fat women are so rare and so universally repulsive to Korean men that it doesn't even come into consideration. But the gist is the same- without attractive women, a club is dead or worse.
With that said, the girls that come to Fix are not ordinary people. They a level above even the pretty ones you see on the street that make you go “Ooh, she's pretty”. They are incredibly petite, save for that one busty bartender I mentioned earlier. I can't say they are all well-dressed, but most do a stellar job with their hair and face.
As much as I like the girls of Fix, they are also one of the big reasons Fix sucks. They are terrible, TERRIBLE at dancing. I don't mean terrible as in Elaine Benes.. Terrible as in everybody exhibits the same mediocrity with such exactness that after an hour, everyone just blends together. That god damn uninspired side to side sway, and even then only after four drinks. Before that, “No thank you, I need mind-altering carcinogens before I can almost be fun.”
It's not even about being a “good” dancer. 90% of it is just letting loose and enjoying yourself, moving your body how YOU want to and fuck what anybody else thinks, including douchebags like me. The girls who come to Fix might tell people they like to dance, but they sure as hell don't look like it. I think it's more important to them to look like they're having fun than to have fun. So much more important that in a twist of irony, their concept of fun becomes “looking like we're having fun”. Korean girls dancing at a club looks so damn asexual, which is fucking hard to do when they're so damn gorgeous.
The boys will get drunk and do whatever, anything from take off articles of clothing to shuffling and getting real friendly with each other. Korean guys are quite a riot, when they're not groping Kari anyway. Yeah, according to her they can be surprisingly disrespectful. If you consider vagina grabbing disrespectful.
The biggest reason why Fix sucks is because it's a venue where cool kids go to have other people see how cool they are. Nobody is there to have fun, they are there to spend their parents money on tables, fruit platters, cakes, and alcohol while they walk around smoking.
I talked clubbing with my friend, Bill who's been clubbing around the world and he offered this counterpoint:
u actually look at other people at clubs?
i dont pay any attention to them at all
just the ppl im with
Maybe my expectations are warped from going to mostly concerts and music festivals. Wherever I'm going, I want it to be full of energy, I want to feel everybody having fun. I don't want to be on the dance floor, look up and see 50 people standing around warming their drinks, feeling good about how cool they must look in the VIP section. I do pay attention to other people at clubs, unlike some. Bill had different thoughts about Seoul:
its a bit diff in korea
cuz that place is superficial city
so its kind of hard to ignore
Trust me, you can feel when people are dancing because they like to dance and when they are dancing because that's just what you're supposed to do at a club.
Things Got Weird
One night, Tom and I left Kari at the club to go meet some people. I left her with Jeon and Yong whom she'd met before. They're both solid, tall gentlemen that I'd have on my A-team any day. Apparently after we left, the drunk Korean dude dancing at his table next to us kept getting drunker and drunker. When we left, his shirt was unbuttoned and his pants were at his area I'll call “the pubic reej”. Not 20 minutes later, Kari said his pants got a lot lower, and the world kept spinning.
Me and Tom's night spun off into drunken bouts of Tekken Tag Tournament 2 with other drunk Koreans, meaning we were losing like ten coins a minute. Meanwhile at club Fix, Designated-Shirtless-Jacked-Dude, aka Mr. White Pants pulled a girl on stage and started dancing with her.
You know, as a precursor to removing her shirt. She was, not cool with it, but she let it happen, went with it and kept dancing while people cheered. What came next, I was not there to bear witness, this is just what Kari told me. Jackedguy Whitepants began with the bra-removal procedure, taking heavy fire from RandoGirl's free arm while she clung on to him with the other for dear life.
Jackedguy Whitepants: Clasp one is in sight. Laying down suppressive fire on primary target.
RandoGirl: Left hand engaged. Clasp one is under heavy attack. Small arms support requested.
RG(right hand): Negative, Left hand. We are pinned down on bogey's flank. Unable to disengage.
JW: Clasp one is neutralized, proceeding to next objective. We are weapons hot.
RG: "What the fuck is going on? Am I being raped?"
Kari: Fuck this, i'm out of here.
JW eventually got the entire bra off, despite heavy resistance from RG. I can't imagine the smooth lines one has to drop to get a girl's bra off on stage. “Let's not turn this rape into a murder?” I guess with muscles like that he didn't need any. JW's hunger finally satiated, he let RG cover up as best she could as she bolted off stage to the girls' room with her outfit in hand, minus one B-cup bra.
And Mr. Pantsless just kept on dancing.
Club Fix- Generic music for generic people. Condone? We PROMOTE molestation.
8/9th Floor Judies Taehwa, Seomyeon, Busan, South Korea 614-030
https://www.facebook.com/clubfixkorea , guestlist for free entry +1 every weekend.
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