Last Thursday, I left to drive three hours to Malibu, where I would camp for two nights near the beach in a state park, with a group of people, about half of whom I would more or less call friends. Clearly a bunch of kids going camping should be pretty social, but that wasn't really what I ended up taking from it.
The camping trip was my camping trip. I had wanted to go camping, talked about much bigger plans incessantly with my close friends, and finally just booked a site not knowing who would end up coming.
It went relatively well, and actually way less catastrophic than I expected. I know, I sound like a child, acting like camping for two days is some crazy feat of human nature. It was really easy. People generally got along, we had plenty of food, I was comfortable in my tent, I was able to go to the beach alone and also go on a hike with the whole group. It was wonderful.
So from this experience, I would like to only draw out positives, as I think I should start doing with everything. Dwelling on the negative is toxic, but that doesn't mean I want to ignore the threads of dissatisfaction I had with the group of people. Instead, I'd like to focus on the fact that every negative has its inverse, its positive antithesis, and therefore it becomes a matter of perspective.
What I've been given is a final stamp on a revelation I've had time an again, and a realization that now, the lovely thing is I can pay no more mind to certain individuals because I'm moving across the country in two months. I will never have another moment of needing a group of people to join my camping trip. I'm past that, I can go with one friend- it doesn't matter. What this realization was and continues to be is that I have absolutely no use for friends that are not friendly, are not movers and shakers, have no real personal interests, and are entertained by drugs. I am already miles from this, but seeing myself and some guy on the trip have an entirely different day, while we are doing essentially the same thing, is a little hard to wrap my head around. How can it be that I am having a lovely day, appreciating nature and really trying to enjoy those I'm friends with, while someone I'm with can be only focused on getting high and spewing random, not very funny and very rudely blunt verbal vomit.
This is the crossroads of my young adult life. Some people will go one way, and some will go another. I have outgrown so many friends, and the positive part is that they served a purpose in my life and even in their very necessary departure from it, I am still learning from them. I'm learning about myself with the foil of kids living in convention, convinced of their "coolness." It's good to see that I am taking my life personally and individually, in ways that may seem normal to me but are illuminated as great leaps for teenage-kind in comparison. It's almost funny the differences.
And to add another positive, I am totally going camping every summer- for more than two nights, and with a group where every single person shares my eagerness for both camping and life.