As a gay man, I've never quite known what to think about marriage. It has always been just something that was available to someone else.
Sure, I've fantasized about what my wedding could look like, but I've never believed those dreams.
I see other people, with their wedding rings and anniversaries and honey moons and government-approved benefits, but I've always stood outside of such an existence, applauding what they've done as I look on and keep my respectful distance.
Don't get me wrong, I believe in equal rights and justice, but when you've lived a life being told that you can't be a certain way or do certain things, you can't help but internalize the sorrow of what this means.
So, then, what is the sorrow of what this means?
It's hard to eloquently answer this question even though I know the answer well. As such, I must refer to a voice that has paid a far greater price than I have.
To hear this voice, watch this:
Thank you for watching this video.
Now that you have heard this voice, what would you do if the life you lived with the one person you loved was discounted? Dishonored? Cruelly diminished?
All those memories. All that joy. AS IF IT NEVER HAPPENED.
What would you do if you couldn't be at your own wife or husband's funeral? Or even be there by their side during the final stages of life?
How would you stand it? For myself, the idea that someone could take this away from me is unimaginable.
I can tell you that I couldn't stand it.
This would break my heart.
I don't know if any amount of consoling could comfort this kind of experience.
This is the sorrow of what this means.
The struggle for marriage equality is not just about gay rights and marriage benefits.
It's about respecting and protecting a person's capacity to love someone.
By what god and what sense of justice does anyone have a right to lessen and weaken the love and life that someone else has bravely lived? Please answer this question for yourself, if you can. Painfully, I know that there are many answers to be given.
For myself, I can only walk my own path and carry the load that I carry. I look on at the happiness of others and truly wish them well, even though I may never really know what that kind of happiness feels like. This is the sorrow of what this means.
So there you have it. I stand in support of gay marriage. I stand by this because the sorrow of what all of this means is too heavy, too unbearable, a load to carry.
It's the kind of load that will break me, and I do not ever wish to be broken.
Some people call it hump day.
Other people call it the day after Tuesday.
While even more people call it the day BEFORE Thursday!!!!
Yesterday, it was tomorrow, but now, it's today!!
I hereby proclaim that from now on here at WPR . . .
This month's challenge is to live a happier life. Here's where I got started.
To start with happiness might seem like I'm unhappy, that's not true. It's a bit closer to Am I content with the foods I eat?
I like to eat pizza and chili. Somedays I think I could eat those two things all the time, but not really. Those things would get boring and their allure would spoil. Instead I need to find more food options and to do that I have to start looking. One recent example is with my chili recipe. I formally used the seasoning packets that come premixed as 'Chili' or 'Spicy Chili' off the grocery store shelves. As I was looking at the ingredients one day, I realized all the spices in those little packages already lived happily in my cabinet. I opened my cabinet to find chili powder, cumin, paprika, and cayenne pepper lined up like little soldiers. I started mixing and remixing until I found an even better combination for my chili. The same with happiness.