“I have been trying to pace myself lately, but it has been very hard. There are so many sick people in the world. So many that need to be cured. But if I move too quickly I will reveal myself. The man the other night woke up while I was delivering the medicine. Anesthetic must have not set in. Bad that. That is okay. The shot was already in. Nothing left after that but to wait. Fifteen seconds of tussling later and he was alright. He was fixed.
I left him as that. He had much to do. A lot of systems shut down within the first hour and I am sure he wanted to make some phone calls. It is strange. No matter how long I do this most of the ones who are awake always want to reach out. While they still maintain something of themselves. I don't understand. They are going to finally be alright. Why would they ever want to dwell on the fragile, emotional creature they were before.
Before I left I adjusted my hat in the hallway mirror. Got it from one of the earliest of my subjects. Wide brimmed and plain. A wonderful hat for my wonderful face. My eyes, alight with light, shimmer in the darkness. My darkness. The darkness of my form. I am beautiful. Blank and beautiful. And soon the man will be beautiful too as the shadow covers his form. Dark and beautiful.
I left the new case by the front door. His new case. The syringes lined up in rows. The medicine. Oh the medicine. I consider placing it in my veins. I so want to feel transformed again. The loss of so much. A plunge, headlong into something terrible and horrifying. Oh how I miss the early days of it all. Awaking to my new face. My new needs. My new, steel case with my syringes. There are only a few left. After that I get to join the rest, but I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the work.
There was the boy. My favorite. He woke up too. Only when I explained to him what was happening, instead of being scared he was happy. That is why I do what I do. Those little moments. Seems he welcomed the change. Had no one. His family was falling apart. And so for him I sat and watched the transformation. The paling of his skin. The shadow falling over his face, his hair cast in an inky black. He didn't even complain as his legs broke and cracked as his flesh extended to a proper height. Not a whimper.
Laying the case down for him was a moment that brings me immeasurable joy.
I think on my new promise. The promise of something after. To be joined to Erebus. To know existence as a harbinger of all that cast out of the light. So many of my brothers have already completed their work. And I know that we are only the start. All of this horror is merely a preparation. A precursor to the new age. And I am the instrument of its creation.
Only four needles left.
I don't know how long it will take, but that is the thing about promises. You can't always measure them in your reckoning. But when the sun dims and the earth grays and cools. When at last the world dies and my brothers may escape into the world as a flood. We will watch the earth die. We will watch the sun and the system die. And it will be glorious.
It will be glorious.
Every morning, when the light begins to emerge again, I find myself another place of shadow to hide for the day. I hate to hide. But we are not meant for the light. But when there is enough of us. When enough have been converted...the natural order is black.
We are not the only things that exist as shadows. But that is okay. We are not selfish. I am not selfish. I am beautiful. And I will make the world beautiful. I suspect that perhaps I reveal too much, but what matter is it if I make these admissions. The world will be consumed. The life will be converted. And when at last the world is made right and the sun dies we may find joy as this world is cast into the void of space. We shall find another world. We need only to cast in the dark temporarily. Then we will arrive.
We will convert this new world, making it right for our Lord. Their sun will dim too. They too shall be cured. For the natural order of things is darkness.
Existence is in the shadows.”
Someone sent this to me. Was determined to not be important to the investigation. The house had been abandoned.