In my last post I presented my intent to dissect 50 shades of grey and what women love about it so much to reverse derive 'male sexuality'. The topic is so broad and I could write paragraphs on any one thing so for starters I will just dump out the quotes I've been saving and do a quick comment on each one. If anyone wants me to elaborate on any of these points I will do so but otherwise I will gloss over select ones on my own time.
Enough bantering - here is the list divided by chapter.
HEAVY SPOILER ALERT
Click back on your browser now or close this page if you don't want possible spoilers from the book.
In an attempt to protect the innocent (or not so innocent?) from 50 Shades of Grey spoilers I will be making this otherwise useless post to mask my previous one on the front page of my blog.
In my dreams I am unfailingly optimistic...
I own a single propeller engine car/plane hybrid that I mooched off eBay and park at the side of my place. When I want to go out on a food run I back it out of the side of the house and eyeball a small stretch of road near my house. It's good enough. I turn on the engines and launch myself into the air with barely enough space before the road ends. It's OK though - I made it up into the air - and nary a negative thought enters my mind. Yes I just busted out a plane and launched it in the middle of a residential district.
As I launch higher into the atmosphere I look outside the open cockpit at the city. I look at the buildings and green trees and parks and the expanses of urbanization that go on forever. It is breathtakingly beautiful. I just look at the horizon beyond and stare at it in a sort of infatuation. I'm just going on a food run. I maneuver the plane a bit and dip low as I'm nearing my destination. I am skimming the tops of apartment buildings, trees, dipping up not to hit tall power lines and I love every minute of it.
As I'm in the air approaching my usual landing strip - a small wide stretch of park jogging trail in a forested park my mind goes thru some passing thoughts. Won't I get in trouble for flying a single engine wherever I want in post-911 paranoid America? Nah... it's just me... it'll be alright... I can explain it away. I'm not a terrorist just a guy in a single engine enjoying life. The thought passes thru my consciousness as quickly as it came. I also realize I am not wearing a parachute or have any sort of plan in place if my salvaged single engine suddenly died thousands of feet in the air. I have a passing thought about all the people who'd be sad if I suddenly passed due to any number of accidents that happened from flying this thing. My mind quickly retorts with: Sudden plane crashes are extremely rare and can be avoided with simple preparation. Don't fly in bad weather. If the plane starts failing it's a single engine prop - just glide it down to a safe landing zone. Do whatever you need to keep the plane up as long as possible. It's alright. The thought quickly exits my mind as well because in my dreams I am unfailingly optimistic. I am in my element and I am happy.
The stretch of park looms up ahead and I dip the plane hard to prepare my landing. I seem to be going a bit fast for the ground and the landing site may not be long enough. It's OK though I've done this before - I know what I'm doing. I dip the plane down hard then angle the nose upwards while applying the airbrakes. The plane's engines cut out and I'm gliding over the ground. I am slowing down somewhat in the air and the approach is perfect. I land smoothly but I am still going a bit fast and the park trail ends up ahead. I slam the groundbrakes hard and the plane screeches and spins out right before hitting the trees. It was still about 50 feet though and I was supremely confident it'd stop. I recover from the spinout and taxi down the park trail as usual into a McDonalds parking lot. What time is it? I don't know probably about dawn perhaps 5 or 6am or pm - some time when the sun is either going up or going down.
Anyone have issues with their electronics malfunctioning when traveling internationally and plugging into ungrounded power supplies? I need an outside opinion here as a lot of my electronics are old (~5 years now) and I'm wondering whether they are just degrading due to age/wear & tear or if plugging them into ungrounded outlets in SE Asia may have accelerated the issues I'm having now.
My laptop cursor will suddenly jump all over while I'm typing as if my touchpad has gotten super sensitive. Unfortunately there are no drivers to fix this/lower sensitivity as the laptop came with Windows Vista 32-bit and I've since upgraded to 64-bit to max out the RAM from 3gb to 4gb + utilize the graphic card RAM without the address overwrite issue in 32 bit Windows. Lazy Dell has never upgraded the drivers for 64 bit meh. This problem may have developed before the trip once or twice but now it happens quite a lot after traveling to SE Asia.
A similar issue has happened to my dumbphone. The screen has started going out and now only shows up if I fold the phone in somewhat. I've had no issues with the screen besides the sound/speakers starting to fade until my SE Asia trip.
Looking into this I've read that if your gear starts having this feeling of 'transmitting' electricity as soon as you plug it in then the plugs are possible ungrounded. The plugs themselves for both my dumbphone and laptop are non-grounded so I wouldn't think this would be an issue but from what I've been reading electrical plugs may need to be grounded from the inside of the socket to maintain US standards ever since the late 60's. A lot of plugs in 3rd world countries may not be up to snuff due to shoddy construction and thus plugging things in there may be a gamble perhaps?
I don't know honestly - everyone I traveled with had iPhones and similar gear with generic 3rd party plugs/cords and they've had no issues with electronics since the trip. Is it just me then or should I be concerned regarding bringing electronics to the 3rd world? If it is a concern this changes my travel strategy as next time I'd be much less likely to bring any 'expensive' electronics abroad.
Been out of the mobile loop for a very long time - still using a flip phone! Anyway what carrier is the best for getting Unlimited 4G data on a laptop (if there is such a thing)? I am looking at Sprint as they have Unlimited Data and maybe there's a way to tweak that into a laptop connection (as that plan only has 5GB of Mobile Hotspot). Are there any other options besides the big carriers? I took a look at Republic Wireless but it seems like a gamble given the high base prices of the phones. Thanks!
Been a while since I've put down a post - been busy with the holidays and stressed with some events in my past after hitting a euphoric peak around Thanksgiving. That's when the curtain came crashing down seemingly. Looking back I guess with good reason too...
For the longest time I was a worrying type but I've only really been conscious of this recently. If anything even came close to being a possible thing to worry about my mind would obsess over it constantly and draw out every possible scenario and try to draw up actions plans to prevent such scenarios. Unfortunately once you solved that the mind would draw up more crazy scenarios given you more reasons to worry and the cycle would continue... Thus instead of enjoying life your brain would constantly use your mind's idle processing time to worry about things.
I didn't think much of this issue until it hit a new breaking point a month or two ago. I worried about things up to the point in which I could no longer control my mental state. Yes - I went insane - certifiably insane :p. I could not control the thoughts in my head any longer. Unless I was drowning out my mind in trance music or computer games or throwing distractions at it I would always go back to idle worrying and terror. Not a good way to live life if you ask me. I could no longer control the thoughts in my head. My mind had literally taking a mind of it's own and it was filled with worry and terror. I became a recluse for a bit as I no longer wanted to face the world - it was too scary - too much could go wrong - one small unfortunate circumstance could bring down our entire existences as we know them.
Anyway while I was huddled in a corner fearing existence I thought to myself, "wow - I wonder if there's a way to turn my brain OFF." Suddenly I felt jealous for the naive and unthinking - ignorance is indeed bliss - a bliss that will come crashing down any second once 'the whole truth of existence was known' but it was indeed bliss and happiness. At my current point it seemed like there was nothing I could do to ever be happy again once I was no longer naive about the world. All my worrying and drawing out of scenarios let me see the world for as it truly was - and I was terrified!!! If one pondered logically about how little it takes to bring down one's state of happiness you may reach an equivalent state I did.
A two-fer - double whammy follow up to the post I made just minutes ago at
http://sett.com/thetinyoctopus/overanxiety-worrying-insanity-and-the-possible-cure-for-these-ills. Similar to Metallica's Unforgiven song which has 3 parts and each one just really hits home. Obscure but relevant reference imo.
Most (if not all people) don't really live their lives - they just play games within them. You think you are all high and mighty reading these SETT articles and working on your self improvement and working on your life and bulking up and learning how to invest and expanding your consciousness with travel and good habits and hard hitting realizations regarding business and the opposite gender etc etc... You haven't been really living life. You haven't been present in your life. You've just been lost in thought and running inside a hamster wheel created by your mind.
This is the true Matrix sh*t right here folks. All of the above is all well and good and is part of your soul growth but here's the clincher. Like any novel or movie every good game comes to an end. And this you know to be obvious and true. You don't live forever. You don't remember everything. Time will pass regardless of what you think of it. Loved ones will die. Buildings will rise and crumble. Your favorite childhood escapes will become parking lots. The party will always end sometime. Your looks will fade. Your health will decay. You will be forgotten. Your mind will block this truth subconsciously and in the small moments you have the idle time to process it your mind will retreat in sheer terror and bury it even deeper than it did last time. Your mind will create more games and more illusions and more matrixies(is this a proper plural rofl) inside the matrix to keep you distracted from the truth. The truth that your mind is part of the game and like the game it will eventually end.
Even if the end doesn't come for you or you've created the barriers of wealth, happiness, peace, etc... to ward them off maybe you'll reach some sort of strange insanity like I have in which no matter how far you've distanced yourself from the terror within it always finds a way to creep up to you and drown out your thoughts until you can no longer control the never-ending negativity. You see you know this to be true as well. Everyone with over x million dollars isn't living in some sort of ecstatic ascended bliss - they have problems too - and sometimes even much more so than those who have absolutely nothing. Sure they've created a bigger sandwall to hold back the flood but the realization of the truth of our world pours from an infinite well. You can run away - and yes some of us run far - farther than our own physical lives - but if you believe in reincarnation it will just creep up on you at a later date. If not then pat yourself on the back since from blackness you've came and unto blackness you shall return!!! Unfortunately if you believe that then you are even more aware of the terror than most as you know once your physical shell dies all will cease.
Summer's coming up and it will be time to travel again. After experiencing one day at the beach where I packed everything I needed into a waterproof container (so I could go into the water and out whenever I wanted) I was hooked.
I'm thinking of extending this travel philosophy into my packing. Are there any good deals on wool clothing currently? I've never had a piece of pure 'real' wool clothing before (rayon and the synthetics are probably the closest equivalents) but I've heard so many magical things about wool that I think it's worth looking into for this summer. I saw a bunch of wool deals pop up every so often here so if anyone keeping track could post when they find one would be much appreciated.
Hello again - kind of a small follow up to my overanxiety and such posts. I was resting earlier and trying to do a half meditation regarding what is the source of negative overanxious thoughts. I think a lot of people suffer from bad idle thoughts during downtime or periods of unfocused thinking. Anyway it'd be nice to get these to stop as they generate all sorts of unwarranted negativity that will likely never come true.
The process: I was just letting my thoughts run wild and then in the middle of it just grab a sudden burst of consciousness and try to figure out where that train of thinking originated. I couldn't find it most of the time. For reference this same process is how one trains themselves to be lucid dreamers (waking up consciously while still sleeping/dreaming with the added bonus of being able to control the dream consciously). Anyway I just realized a lot of my thinking was automatic and while I could trace the train of thought I could not originate it most of the time. Scary stuff huh - most of our thoughts are spawned from some sort of nothingness without our conscious input.
That's when it hit me. Maybe negative thoughts are just reptilian brain autopilot. It is like we are born with microcomputers embedded inside us which play an infinite sort of paranoia loop regarding things we need to do to survive. If it's not eat / drink / sleep / shelter it's pay the bills or I hope x,y,z doesn't happen etc... Basically it's an automated task you can't really quit that runs in the background if you idle your thoughts enough to peek behind the hood. Given that maybe it's best not to take it too seriously then as it's original intent is to keep our physical bodies intact. With that goal maybe it is better we have these reptilian brains lest we aim our thoughts too high then forget to tend to ourselves for a couple days and fall ill or die.
Anyway to conclude: there's a delicate balance at hand here. We should check on it every so often like a task calendar but not become so obsessed with it to the point of actually just staring at it and ruminating at the contents for hours. It's there to keep you alive and it's there to give you information - and that's it. When you're driving you keep your eyes on the road and what's in front of you. You should not be staring at the speed gauge obsessively all the way down the road as that is a sure-fire recipe for an accident. The reptilian paranoia brain is a point of reference and a survival tool but given the amount of attention you give it in your life it should remain solely as a reference. Check the speed every so often but keep your focus and drive on your destination.