"Friend, Sometimes we have bad days so that our friends can be there for us.Otherwise how would we know we had true friends ? That's how i figure I've had a few bad days ... to remember that you are my best friend.... " ~ David Paul Krug
Sometimes we have bad days. John, over on Tynan.com says we are going to have 1000 bad days in our lives. Maybe so. Maybe not. I don't know why sometimes we have bad days. But then a smile came over my face as I realized the joy that was overwhelming me. I was having a bad day and my friend was cheering me up.
And then I realized the purpose of bad days. The purpose of bad days are to invite those we love into our souls. To show us how we need one another. To push us closer to the people that matter. To those who share our journey. To those who are characters in our stories. To those who pick us up when we can no longer walk. To those whose names are written on our hearts forever. That's the purpose of bad days.
Sometimes we have to experience hell, so that we can escape into the arms of heaven's gifts to us.
First off I'm not quite sure when the first time was that I interacted with Tynan. It might have been on one of his numerous travel adventures, or one of his pickup artist posts. I'm not really certain. One thing I learned was that I really enjoyed his writing. He's got a blog over at Tynan.com. Check it out.
For the last few months I've been testing out SETT his new blogging platform. It now runs this site. And I'm super happy with it. So happy that Ive done a review of it. I've never publicly reviewed anything that runs one of my sites. But switching from WordPress to SETT deserves an explanation. Here it goes...
I love to build websites. It's what I do for a living. Sometimes the day to day grind can take the fun out of work. I know it does for me. So I create a bit of fun by challenging myself to what I call "One Day Projects".
Here's how my 'One Day Projects' kick off.
1. Keyword Research
Sometimes the momentum of life begins to swing against you and your dreams. It's not that failure has gotten the best of you yet. But the momentum of your struggle has turned. For me there are a number of factors. I've been tired lately. I'm showing signs of burning out but not for all the right reasons. I'm struggling with a few health factors, and some personal factors that agitate the health factors.
For me sometimes not having family really affects me. I spend hours pondering what they are doing, and the WHY of my life. Reflecting on the pain, and the scars. It begins to effect my work, my motivation, and all factors of my life. I went to a counselor a few times this month. I joined an online support group about living life without a family. What's interesting is I don't have the answers. And neither did the counselor.
There's no magic solution. This happens to me nearly every year. Sometimes it lasts for a few weeks, other times for months.
Sometimes I'm so scared to lose people in my life that I push them away so I don't have to deal with this pain. Because many times in my life when I've opened my heart I ended up losing the people I loved the most.
There's thousands of 'Startups'. I really hate that word. There are hundreds of thousands of new businesses all over the world. Many of them will fail this year. Let me tell you why they will fail, and then why some of them will succeed.
I started writing this post and then I mistakenly deleted it. You see I failed. But I didn't just immediately stop writing. I reopened the write screen and got back to work.
Isn't life that way too ?
No matter what you put your mind to in life there are going to be failures. You might lose a battle but the war is yours to be won. In business I've had a number of small successes (5-6 figures) and a number of failures (losing 5-6 figures). They both always felt the same. I had same relative level of passion and drive. And I believed equally in them. The difference in all of them was that it got easier. To succeed.
And the reason for that is because with every losing battle I had the experience, the wisdom, the grit and know-how to get back up. And each and every time I got back up I had a better chance of succeeding had I just rolled over and gave up.
When I was growing up I played a lot of soccer. And I was damn good at it. But I was never the best player on the field. I played Center Defender and was given the freedom to roam like a Sweeper. It was a unique position. But the freedom to roam made me see soccer so differently than most. In many ways when you play defense and especially Sweeper you have to be able to see the entire field and make adjustments to the rest of the defense in order make up for the offenses plays. And in my entire time playing soccer I never met another defender who played the way I did. I was reckless and consistently used my body, my mind, my speed to STOP players. But at times I had to merely slow the other team in order to allow my other defenders time to get behind me to help make a stop. I relied on my intuition to know when a player was going to pass, shoot, or make adjustments. I would call plays, make adjustments, and control the tempo of games.
I can remember one game specifically well. It was snowing. I was hurt. I think I had 2 sprained ankles and was still running with all my heart, guts, soul, and body. I was in pain. But because I loved the game of soccer so much I kept playing. I believe that entire season I was only pulled once for about 3 minutes when I had to retape my ankles. Once a game I'd come out for 5 minutes to comply with league rules if we were winning otherwise I stayed in the game as much as I could.
I had a great conversation with a good friend last night. About faith, religion, and spirituality. It's something I've been struggling with for a few years. Honestly religion is something I clung to when I was younger. I grew up somewhat Christian, and clung to some unique activist beliefs into my early 20's. I spent some time living with Amish and Mennonites and have even for a short time lived with the Twelve Tribes Community. For a short time I explored Buddhism, and have studied Islam and Judaism to a large extent. In many ways I would consider myself an expert on the world's religions. I run a for profit website aimed at helping Christian's find the best christian degrees.
Now, a few years later I would more closely identity with Christianity in it's beliefs, but rarely in it's practices. Likewise i belief much of the practices of the Sufi faith I could align myself with, as well as many sects of Judaism. Some of the underlying practices of all faiths is our inability to come to understand the Universe and our place in it. Nor do I believe we understand our place amidst each other.
Originally Earth was made up of families, and tribes, and then later nations. They used religion to connect one another, and to tell a story that linked them to the Universe, and to their creator. It defined their relationships to one another, to their tribes, and ultimately to their creator. It gave them a framework for living,and rules for existing amidst each other, and gave them meaning where they didn't have meaning.
Religion has evolved over the centuries. 1st century Christianity, and Modern Day Christianity are as much alike as a Steakhouse, and McDonalds.
Every religion has gone through it's ups and downs. But ultimately the purpose has remained the same. To help mankind identify itself. With each other, with our families, with our tribes, and with our Creator.
Happiness is something that eludes us. It escapes from us. Happiness is something we have to fight for every single day of our lives. It doesn't unfortunately just get handed to us. We have to work for it. Fight for it. And some cases die trying to get it.
I have always loved this quote:
Let me introduce you to James Stockdale. James Stockdale was one of the most highly decorated officers in US Naval History. But maybe the defining moments in Vice Admiral James Stockdale's life happened as he was a prisoner of War in Vietnam.
"Flying from USS Oriskany on a mission over North Vietnam on September 9, 1965, Stockdale ejected from his Douglas A-4E Skyhawk, which had been struck by enemy fire and completely disabled. He parachuted into a small village, where he was severely beaten and taken prisoner.
Stockdale was held as a prisoner of war in the Hoa Lo prison for the next seven and one-half years. As the senior Naval officer, he was one of the primary organizers of prisoner resistance. Tortured routinely and denied medical attention for the severely damaged leg he suffered during capture, Stockdale created and enforced a code of conduct for all prisoners which governed torture, secret communications, and behavior. In the summer of 1969, he was locked in leg irons in a bath stall and routinely tortured and beaten. When told by his captors that he was to be paraded in public, Stockdale slit his scalp with a razor to purposely disfigure himself so that his captors could not use him as propaganda. When they covered his head with a hat, he beat himself with a stool until his face was swollen beyond recognition. When Stockdale was discovered with information that could implicate his friends' "black activities", he slit his wrists so they could not torture him into confession."
During his entire time while imprisoned Vice Admiral James Stockdale not only kept up the hope that he would survive but that the men he was captivated with would also survive. He passed on this hope, and constantly helped improve the lives of those around him.