My problem now and always will be...I never stop thinking.
I am so concerned about things I wish to do, wanting to do things that I cannot. Wanting to be here and not there.
In a country full of unlimited opportunities, how do I find my happy?
Yes, many things of my life are sure, but so many questions have yet to be answered.
Why is that I must answer questions now that will affect my whole life.
So I'm reading what I wrote years ago, and it's crazy how true my inner deep thoughts and fears have stayed with me. However, how beautiful it is that the inspiring things I've said to myself lift me up as well. Life is all about progress, one day at a time.. just breathe. No everything make sure sense but eventually it will..life answers your questions just pay attention
They will never be what you need.
You can try again and again, but it will never be the same. The memory of how you once looked at them is gone..
The ideals we put into our heads of what we want to see, what we think we see, and what is really there is often so deceiving.
They make you question your perceptions of the closest you love around you.
But the real truth about everything is,
Never be jealous or envious, and here is why.
People gloat when they are happy.
People often portray themselves as happier than they are, and they may even do it as reassurance to themselves.
Just know people show you when they're happy, they don't show you when they're depressed or crying.
Everyone breaks down at some point.
To my ex love. Did you make me or break me? I always wonder/feel like he has ruined my heart and a part of me permanently. It wasn't until watching a television show today where wives talked about life after finding out of their husband's infidelity. The things they said resonated with me so heavily it made me realize why he has altered my heart.
Even though it wasn't even 3 years that we were together, even though we were only boyfriend and girlfriend, I feel as though I had taken the role of married life. I had loved and trusted someone so full heartedly that I took on that role without that official title. He was there for I would say one of the most crucial times of my life/age. He raised me in a sense. The way I am today is largely due to how he made me. He taught me to grow up.
I was listening to Jay Z's 444 album today, and his song where he confesses an apology of his infidelity to Beyonce strikes me deeply.
He describes how he watched her grow into a woman, and saw the innocence leave her eyes.
Thats exactly how I feel.
I find myself having to often remind myself that the devil isn't always going to appear itself in the form of something scary and unpleasing, but most times than not as what I most desire.
For the first time ever my consistent dreams are making sense to me.
They have been giving me clarity, warning me.
But I am not listening why?
It is the fear of not doing what I should that is holding me back.
What it could be holding me back from is what scares me.