Some people who grew up a long time ago like me might remember this song: "When I'm worried and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep and I fall asleep, counting my blessings..."

Worry, discouragement, inertia, upsetness, fear: negative feelings can be "negated" with gratitude. Negative states can be prolonged easily but telling ourselves stories about the bad things that happened in the past or by remembering more things to worry about/feel discouraged about/be upset about/be fearful about. You know, digging the hole deeper. Very easy and usually automatic.

Noticing that you have the pattern described above is the first thing to do. Not automatic, not easy. But it's a skill to learn.

My suggestion is to notice, then say: No, I prefer not to go there. I'm going toward gratitude: and think of things or people that you're grateful for.

You then have the chance to change your mood and outlook.

When you are bothered, do you know WHY you’re

Such feelings aren’t comfortable, are they?

Isn’t there something very strange about our culture/ society that never educates us about emotions?

What’s in your Shadow?

My last post was about making mistakes.I am not sure how many people read it. I thought:surely, everyone makes mistakes and would be curious about looking into their mistakes further.

On choosing this topic, the shadow, I am assuming that no one wants to learn about their shadow and will probably not understand what I am about to say.

My attitude is:if one person gets it, then it’s worth it.

I first heard about the shadow when I was in graduate school in Maine, over 35 years ago.Jung described the shadow as a part of us that we totally deny exists:a part so repulsive we turn our backs. Our denial is so fierce that it’s in the shadow or the unconscious.Unconscious: meaning we cannot be aware of it directly. As it was described to me then, I was completely puzzled. Forget that.

Last week I made a HUGE mistake in my business. At least it certainly appeared that way because when I changed a client’s website to from one hosting company to another she experienced problems receiving and sending e-mails.Although she was in vacation some of these emails were essential to some very important negotiations, one involving millions of dollars.Every day for 5 days new glitches occurred with her emails—no solution lasted long and never resulted in emails as usual.She was angry and anxious, among other things; and she let me know this.

What’s a mistake? You make a decision, act and there are consequences you don’t want. For example, we decide to leave for a meeting but we get distracted and get their late, or forget and miss the meeting entirely. Or we invest money in an opportunity and lose the money because it was a scam.Or someone decides for chemo-therapy for cancer and after many weeks or months of discomfort, 6 months later the cancer is still there.

Mistakes happen because we aren’t as focused and thorough as we can be when we act or make decisions.Since we take many actions and make many choices in a day, we can’t spend much time thinking about many of our choices--it’s automatic. Some decisions are more important and even when you spend the time looking at your choices you don’t always get what you expect or want.

In short sometimes you act or you make decisions that result in consequences that result in feeling frustrated/disappointed/powerless/angry/desperate.You’ve made a mistake!Others are “paying” for this mistake and perhaps have similar feelings, and they usually blame you.You are responsible.More suffering and misery.

What can you do?

I am so GRATEFUL for being attuned to gratitude:last week I was reading a post reporting that there are 31 benefits that result in your life whenyou have gratitude.This source cited a Harvard Medical School report and contained a link to an Oprah Youtube about keeping a gratitude journal. So I went on a Google search, and the best information comes from a source cited at the end of this article.

First, what are the 31? (that’s what I wanted to know first).These are supported by research or studies.

1. Gratitude makes us happier

I pass this gift on to you.

I received this gift shortly after my mother left this life in January 1994.Because she was a Buddhist, we wanted to provide a ceremony before her body was cremated, and needed a Buddhist priest to preside over the ritual. After some research and referral, I went to talk to the priest at Enmanji Temple in Sebastopol.

Twenty years later I’m telling you this story because it’s a lesson I learned well and found it profoundly helpful since then.

The priest wanted to explain to me a belief that distinguished his sect from others.

When you see something of beauty such as the beauty of a rose, we believe you would not be able to see such beauty if it weren’t already in your heart, he said.