I am a programmer and recently I gave up my day job which pays well to focus on a project which I am not doing so well on. This is so that I have more time on the project and focus all my energies on the career path that I want to follow.
From my meditations I noticed that I have been trying to run away from failure and disappointments. When things do not go well the ego hurts. When the ego gets hurts and my pre-frontal lobe cannot handle the pain; I default to numbing e.g. Netflix, food and other stuff.
These days, I am fully aware of the pain; the fight or flight sense and my automatic reaction to numb the pain or distract myself away from a hard task. This gives me the chance to pause, breath and re-focus my priorities. The cause of the sense of failure, sense of doom, confusion and aversion to the task, if there is one. If there isn't one and if it is just one of my amygdala's knee jerk reactions I don't expand energies using my pre-frontal cortex to rationalise it. I just smile and said hello amygdala, I see you are agitated and move on. If there is a true cause e.g. maybe there's another way to address the problem, I tried it out instead of following the urge to numb.
Thoughts are not constant; thoughts are like cars on the highway. They go fast and regular but there are gaps between them. When you meditate, you see that, your thoughts come come racing, in different colours, negative/positive/neutral; they drag you to the past or push you to the future.
Imagine yourself a person who is beside this thought highway when they are seemingly racing towards you; you do not have to follow them, just focus on the gap in the middle. That is how you can be still. Develop an equanimity to your thoughts, do not get involved; just like a person observing the highway. Focus on the gap and be still.
It is the same when you are working on a project and negative thoughts or sometimes even positive thoughts (when you are winning) can swap you away. They are not you or yours. Be grounded, be still and you will have a clarity of thought.
During my Saturday morning job I had this tiny epiphany.
When I am creating something, there is always this critical me at the back judging at each step of the project. This is so bad, why can't do do better, faster or this is so good this is the standard, I want more. Good/bad job.
When I'm jogging, I think wow this jog is fantastic or I think wow this jog is so bad, I've been jogging for so long already and there is no improvement. Good/bad jogging.
When I'm meditating, it's the same thing. Wow I was so still; good session. Damn, I am so frustrated by raging thoughts; bad session. Good/bad meditation.
I have a tendency to judge myself harshly. My happiness usually comes from my capabilities, either intellectual or physical. I beat myself up when I'm not achieving the standards I want. I'm pretty sure a lot of people are like me.
Recently though, I have been trying to find happiness from just being still inside. I have to dig pretty deep but I know tranquillity is there somewhere; whenever I can reach my inner tranquillity I feel a huge sense of relief. I am so tired to relying on external factors for my happiness because one they don't really give you a deep sense of satisfaction and two they are highly unreliable.
I am renouncing -
1. Having to know everything
2. Be smart all the time
I love this paragraph from one of Leo's blog posts.
(Hmm markdown doesn't seem to work on sett. I'm moving my blog, unless someone can enlighten me on this regard)
Placing functional code in global namespace is bad. It can cause collisions that are tough to debug and cost us precious development time.
#### Writing efficient, production-ready controllers in ng
- Need to encapsulate our functionality in a single core unit called a module. - A module is the main way to define an AngularJS app. - An app can contain several modules - Each on contains code that pertains to specific functionality
#### Advantages of modules - Keeping global namespace clean - Easier to write tests; it is easier to target isolated functionality - Making it easier to share code between applications (need example) - Allowing our app to load different parts of the code in any order (need example)
I cried a little.