The word of the month is Turnover. My bottom bitch went back home to China for a month. Sliz decided to stop fucking me.. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m discarding your dick.” But that’s exactly what you’re doing. She threw in some bullshit like, “I’m just exploring my queerness,” and “I don’t feel like having multiple partners anymore,” but she’s still fucking multiple straight guys, and sure as hell isn’t monogamous. If you think that’s emasculating, just wait there’s more:
Grace, the oldest girl in my stable. Not the most emotionally stable person, she’s now on Lexapro and Klonopin just like my crazy ex-girlfriend was. But I kept her around for this long because the sex was consistent and she has good hygiene and an open mind. For the last few months she’s been fucking a hung black guy. This I have no issue with, but the last time I fingered her, I damn near got my entire first in there. After she commented that her loosening was adversely affecting sex with me, I took into consideration her choice of attire which include involve thrift-store jeggings and self-harm scars that spell STOP EATING and her social ineptitude and fired her. Her pussy wasn’t even a big deal, at least it smelled fine. It was her ironic lack of social grace that threw me over the edge. I brought her to a pool party where someone she just met asked her, “So what have you been up to since high school?” to which she replied, “Catching dicks.” She might’ve been going for Proud Slut, but she came off as Possibly Autistic.
So that’s one girl missing in action, and two hard goodbyes. But wait, there’s more!
At the end of the month, my boss calls me in while working remote and fires me. No notice, no severance, no compensation for my unused vacation days and certainly no vested 401k match. The thing I’ll miss most is my company iPhone. Tinder runs like a crippled Chinese woman on my Galaxy S2.
I’ve never felt that having money is important for getting laid until you get older. But I can’t say that being unemployed helps either. By September my stable was down to two. It’s hard to bounce back from this, but in New York, there are opportunities everywhere. I’ll be back on my feet in no time.