Hey, it’s Todd Valentine bringing you fundamentals of seduction.
Today’s topic is on how to kiss a girl. This is a very personal topic for me because for a long time I couldn’t kiss girls—even after months of getting numbers and going on multiple dates. I wouldn’t get physical. I had to get over it, and the first thing I realized is that attitude and permission are most important.
You have to give yourself permission to kiss a girl, to make it awkward . . . to fail. If you’re too scared to try, then you’ll end up in the friend zone. You don’t want to miss the window of getting the kiss, because things will not go well after that.
Here are two examples of the low place I was coming from:
This is why it’s so, so, so important to give yourself permission to go in for a kiss.
Another piece of advice regarding physical escalation is this: it doesn’t all have to be at once. Two steps forward, one step back. So if you go for the kiss and get denied, realize that no can really mean “not yet.”
My last piece of encouragement before I get to the techniques is this: I’ve never lost a girl by going for the kiss, but I have lost the girl by not going for the kiss.
This doesn’t mean that every time I go for it, I actually kiss her, but here’s the thing: the purpose of the kiss is not to get the kiss—the kiss isn’t that important (I’ve slept with girls I never kissed). A kiss simply conveys a-man-to-woman—not platonic—vibe. So even if she denies the kiss but continues the conversation, that’s fine. She now knows that you’re the type of guy who will go for a kiss.
With that said, I’m going to give you four specific techniques you can use to get the kiss, especially if you’re not experienced.
1. Triangular Gazing
This is an old-school favorite, and it’s easy and relatively safe. When you’re looking at a girl, slow down, look her in the eye, then mouth, then other eye, then mouth, then first eye. The purpose is to bring focus to her lips. Let your eyes linger on the lips and then look back up to the eyes.
This communicates a sensual message, and you’ll see her receive it. She may smile, get aroused, slow down, or lean toward you. If that’s the case, go for the kiss. If you do this and get anything but a negative reaction, start to lean in slightly and see how she reacts. If she’s not resistant, keep leaning in. And if she backs away, return to normal conversation and try again later.
The cool thing about this technique is that it allows you to try for the kiss in a way that’s not so blatant. So if you get a negative rejection, it’s not a big deal, and it’s easy to take a step back before you try again.
2. General Physical Escalation
Remember Two steps forward, one step back? Well, kissing is just one more form of physical escalation, and you can work your way up to the kiss with things like the Eskimo Kiss (nose to nose, back and forth—you can even tell her No lips! I’m serious! as if you don’t want her to kiss you). If a girl is okay with this, then you know you could kiss her. Although it’s probably not the best idea to go for the kiss immediately after that, you at least know that she’ll be comfortable enough to kiss you at another point in the night.
Another thing you can do is brush her hair off of her face and put it behind her ear. Or go in close and tell her a secret, then brush your lips against her ear or neck. You can even give a little bite if you think she’d be receptive to that.
Actions like these are preliminary to kissing, and they do a good job of leading up to the kiss so it’s more natural when it happens.
3. Eyes Closed Kiss
This technique is perfect for putting a girl into a situation where she can’t be held responsible. Oftentimes, when escalating physically and in sexual ways, the girl really is attracted to you and wants something to happen, but she doesn’t want to be responsible for it; she doesn’t want to feel slutty. If you get that vibe, that everything else has gone well but she’s resistant to you trying for the kiss, try the eyes closed kiss.
Come up with a premise and tell her something like, Close your eyes; I’m gonna show you something. And then, while her eyes are closed, you simply go in for the kiss.
A word of caution: sometimes when I’ve tried this, the girl will act surprised or even truly be surprised and say, You tricked me! Interestingly, though, most of the time these same girls will be receptive to the kiss if I go for it again later.
Once you’ve crossed a threshold (your lips have brushed hers or touched her, for example), it’s like you’ve already kissed—so there’s rarely more resistance. And remember, if she stays, she’s staying because she really does want the kiss, because you’re the guy who will go for it. This method is a great way to take the burden off her shoulders.
4. The Gangster
This is my favorite technique, and it’s definitely the most ballsy. Your goal is to make the situation so awkward and the fact that you’re going for the kiss so blatant that going for it is actually less awkward than not.
A great example of this is if you’re on a date with a girl. You're sitting there, you both have your wineglasses. Then you suddenly go silent in the conversation. You look at her and give her a shh. You slowly set down your wineglass, get up, slowly walk over to her, take her wineglass out of her hand, set it down, grab her head, and slowly start kissing her.
Because you’re being so blatant—starting with the shh and setting down your wineglass, there is massive sexual tension. And once you take her wineglass and set it down, it’s pretty much a done deal.
The other nice thing about this technique is that if you’re feeling nervous about it as you start, by the time you’ve grabbed her glass, you’ve created so much tension that it would be weirder and more awkward for you not to kiss her. You’ve essentially created your own momentum to get it done.
Yet another nice thing about this technique is that it creates a dramatic, romantic, sensual kiss for the girl: one that builds an intense sexual relationship vibe and one she’ll surely remember you for. I often do this if I’m sitting across from the girl, or I use it as a way to bridge the gap, to get the kiss and create an intimacy that otherwise wouldn’t have been there.
So there you have four techniques to get you the kiss. But remember, the most important factor is your attitude. You must know that as a man, it’s your responsibility to take action and step up.
Again, I’ve never lost a girl by going for the kiss, but I’ve lost girls by not going for it. Don’t miss your window. Simply trying for the kiss improves the interaction and makes it man-to-woman.
So get out three, go for the kiss, and make it happen. See you next time.
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Hey guys, it’s Todd.
Today’s topic is: How to Get Her Phone Number.
Well, obviously the first step is to have a good interaction with the girl. It sounds like common sense right? It’s pretty basic- the better the interaction with the girl goes, the more likely she is to give you her number. In fact, if you run a really good interaction, ideally, if time permits you to get to know her and talk for a bit, she should be the one asking for your number, or at least suggesting that you take hers (however, this doesn’t happen a lot of the time).
So what does that mean? Well, you need to ask for the number at some point. *Note: JUST ASK. Let me repeat that for you. JUST ASK. I used to be in sales, and what I found interesting is that most of my coworkers would fail simply because they would never simply ask for the order. There’s even a statistic I remember reading that says that something like 80% of sales calls end without the caller ever even asking the potential buyer to make an order. Don’t be that guy.
Jim was explaining what he had read to Adam and Molly. “You said you thought this thing was really old, right? Were you joking? I know you’re better at telling how old something is than I am,” he said, handing the necklace to Adam. “Yeah, just ask that Jewish girl we met that night we stayed in Innsmouth, how old was she? Fourteen?” he giggled, taking the necklace. Molly looked at Jim and cocked an eyebrow. Jim rolled his eyes. “Do you know how hard it is to find Jewish girls? If I find one in a small town, I’m going to try to take advantage of my luck. Not of her, of course,” he said, when Molly shot him an even more disapproving look. “I mean, it’s not taking advantage of her if she’s into it, right?” he asked. “Yeah, but whew, man, I would think that with that nose you would have noticed she smelled like fish!” Adam replied. This time it was his turn to get a disapproving stare from Molly. “I could smell it all the way from my, uh, separate hotel room, which I was staying in, separately” he lied unconvincingly. “If you two pigs are done swapping disgusting war stories and reminiscing about past conquests, what exactly is this thing?” she asked, taking the necklace from Adam.
“I don’t know,” said Jim. “That is, I don’t know what culture it’s from. It seems to clearly be a warding amulet of some kind. The paper,” he handed it to Molly, “is written originally in Arabic, but then translated to Greek. The Arabic looks like an old style that I’m not familiar with,” “Is there any style of Arabic you are familiar with?” interjected Adam. “No,” replied Jim, which sent Adam into a fit of giggles, “but still, it looks really old to me. I can’t read Arabic, but I have seen it, and this looks different. Similar, but different. It could just be a form of cursive I haven’t ever seen before, but still, it’s kinda weird. And who knows if the necklace itself is even Arabic originally? And the Greek, well, that’s from probably the 15th century, so not ancient, but certainly not made down the street by the lady running the antique shop as a promotional flyer. How old do you think the necklace is, Adam?” Adam straightened up and regained a semblance of seriousness. “I don’t know.” Jim stared at him, waiting for more explanation, then gestured for him to go on. “It’s weird, man. The casting method is practically primeval. If this were made out of bronze and you told me it was from the bronze age, I would believe you. But it’s not made out of bronze. It looks like, I dunno, weird steel or pewter or something, but it looks way too old to be steel, and it doesn’t feel like pewter. It looks a lot older than 15th century. If I knew where the lab was in here,” he gestured at the unnaturally arranged Miskatonic University, “then maybe I could analyze it, figure out what it’s made from, figure out when it was made. But without that, I dunno. It’s weird,” he stopped gesticulating with the nub of reefer and took a much-improved hit from it. “Do you want the rest of this? I think it’s almost done,” he said, offering it to Molly and Jim. Molly turned it down, but Jim accepted it, took another short puff, licked his fingers, put it out, reached over the broken bust of the current Dean, now crusted with Adam’s dried blood, and stuck it in between the statue’s lips. “You look like you could use that, Dean ol’ boy. You’ve got something there,” he said, rubbing his own forehead. Adam and Molly laughed and Jim smiled, appreciating the relative normalcy in the midst of the sea of violent weirdness they had been tossed into. All of a sudden, something occurred to him. “Hey,” he asked, turning back to the others. “Have either of you seen Professor Ellery lately?”
Professor James Montgomery Ellery, loyal husband to Marcia Jessica Ellery, pushed open the broad double doors leading into the observatory. His beloved Marcia lay where she had left him. Where he had left her. He had set her there, and then gone off to… find the vial, so he could correct his mistake. He checked a panel on the controls. Her internal temperature was ninety seven degrees and rising steadily. He took the vial and syringe out of his pocket, loaded the former into the latter, pushed all of the air out of it, and inserted it expertly into the large vein on her inner right thigh. He depressed the plunger, and the miracle fluid started its motion into her veins. By some weird mechanism of its own, which only Professor James Ellery and Doctor Herbert West understood, the liquid pulled and climbed, pushing itself through her veins. It was even now finding the other formula, rooting it out, and destroying it. James watched his beloved Marcia as her veins turned from a hideous green-black to a more natural blue, and her skin slowly regained its previous warm pink color, from the horrible green that it had been. Her eyes he did not yet dare look at. West’s formula had been incredibly useful, but come at such a psychological cost. To have Maria so close at hand-Marcia, not Maria, Marcia, Marcia-and yet to not be able to look on her as she was in life, but instead this hideous mockery. Her green eyes had been turned the darkest, solidest black he had ever seen. They were dry in death, and so they did not even reflect light shone upon them, they did not glisten as a living person’s eyes, of any color, do - they were a horrible, constant, matte black. And so he had shut her lids before freezing her, and so he did not yet dare to open them again. Still, one thing that he did appreciate about West’s formula, is that it had driven away every last trace of the horrible, puffy, pink redness that had choked her so. It would have driven James made if he had had to see Marcia that way. His beloved Marcia, done in in such a manner…. but now of all times was not the moment to dwell on the past. He leaned forward to kiss her. She was warm again. She had so hated being cold, and she was warm again, and soon she would be able to feel it. He did not know what space felt like, but his intuition told him that it must be a horrible, clawing cold, a thousand times worse than the highest mountaintop. And soon he would rescue her from that. He could almost swear he could feel her breath on his lips. He leaned ever closer, and was about to make contact, when a sudden, jarring ringing came from his pocket, at the same moment that a similar clanging came from the control panel. He jumped backwards, momentarily startled to the point of not remembering what that sound meant, when he remembered. He took the radio controlled alarm out of his pocket and pressed the button that stopped its ringing, then tossed it aside, and did the same thing with the main control panel. The radio controlled alarm did not actually stop ringing, though the main one did, and by now his attention was completely absorbed by what he had to do next. The machine, this wonderful, blessed machine, had found his Marcia’s soul.
Adam, Jim, and Molly all looked up at one another, then down the hall. A ringing not unlike a telephone was coming from the next room. They looked at each other again, looked back down the hall, and then got to their feet and started heading towards the door.