Hey, it’s Todd Valentine bringing you fundamentals of seduction.
Today’s topic is on how to kiss a girl. This is a very personal topic for me because for a long time I couldn’t kiss girls—even after months of getting numbers and going on multiple dates. I wouldn’t get physical. I had to get over it, and the first thing I realized is that attitude and permission are most important.
You have to give yourself permission to kiss a girl, to make it awkward . . . to fail. If you’re too scared to try, then you’ll end up in the friend zone. You don’t want to miss the window of getting the kiss, because things will not go well after that.
Here are two examples of the low place I was coming from:
This is why it’s so, so, so important to give yourself permission to go in for a kiss.
Another piece of advice regarding physical escalation is this: it doesn’t all have to be at once. Two steps forward, one step back. So if you go for the kiss and get denied, realize that no can really mean “not yet.”
My last piece of encouragement before I get to the techniques is this: I’ve never lost a girl by going for the kiss, but I have lost the girl by not going for the kiss.
This doesn’t mean that every time I go for it, I actually kiss her, but here’s the thing: the purpose of the kiss is not to get the kiss—the kiss isn’t that important (I’ve slept with girls I never kissed). A kiss simply conveys a-man-to-woman—not platonic—vibe. So even if she denies the kiss but continues the conversation, that’s fine. She now knows that you’re the type of guy who will go for a kiss.
With that said, I’m going to give you four specific techniques you can use to get the kiss, especially if you’re not experienced.
1. Triangular Gazing
This is an old-school favorite, and it’s easy and relatively safe. When you’re looking at a girl, slow down, look her in the eye, then mouth, then other eye, then mouth, then first eye. The purpose is to bring focus to her lips. Let your eyes linger on the lips and then look back up to the eyes.
This communicates a sensual message, and you’ll see her receive it. She may smile, get aroused, slow down, or lean toward you. If that’s the case, go for the kiss. If you do this and get anything but a negative reaction, start to lean in slightly and see how she reacts. If she’s not resistant, keep leaning in. And if she backs away, return to normal conversation and try again later.
The cool thing about this technique is that it allows you to try for the kiss in a way that’s not so blatant. So if you get a negative rejection, it’s not a big deal, and it’s easy to take a step back before you try again.
2. General Physical Escalation
Remember Two steps forward, one step back? Well, kissing is just one more form of physical escalation, and you can work your way up to the kiss with things like the Eskimo Kiss (nose to nose, back and forth—you can even tell her No lips! I’m serious! as if you don’t want her to kiss you). If a girl is okay with this, then you know you could kiss her. Although it’s probably not the best idea to go for the kiss immediately after that, you at least know that she’ll be comfortable enough to kiss you at another point in the night.
Another thing you can do is brush her hair off of her face and put it behind her ear. Or go in close and tell her a secret, then brush your lips against her ear or neck. You can even give a little bite if you think she’d be receptive to that.
Actions like these are preliminary to kissing, and they do a good job of leading up to the kiss so it’s more natural when it happens.
3. Eyes Closed Kiss
This technique is perfect for putting a girl into a situation where she can’t be held responsible. Oftentimes, when escalating physically and in sexual ways, the girl really is attracted to you and wants something to happen, but she doesn’t want to be responsible for it; she doesn’t want to feel slutty. If you get that vibe, that everything else has gone well but she’s resistant to you trying for the kiss, try the eyes closed kiss.
Come up with a premise and tell her something like, Close your eyes; I’m gonna show you something. And then, while her eyes are closed, you simply go in for the kiss.
A word of caution: sometimes when I’ve tried this, the girl will act surprised or even truly be surprised and say, You tricked me! Interestingly, though, most of the time these same girls will be receptive to the kiss if I go for it again later.
Once you’ve crossed a threshold (your lips have brushed hers or touched her, for example), it’s like you’ve already kissed—so there’s rarely more resistance. And remember, if she stays, she’s staying because she really does want the kiss, because you’re the guy who will go for it. This method is a great way to take the burden off her shoulders.
4. The Gangster
This is my favorite technique, and it’s definitely the most ballsy. Your goal is to make the situation so awkward and the fact that you’re going for the kiss so blatant that going for it is actually less awkward than not.
A great example of this is if you’re on a date with a girl. You're sitting there, you both have your wineglasses. Then you suddenly go silent in the conversation. You look at her and give her a shh. You slowly set down your wineglass, get up, slowly walk over to her, take her wineglass out of her hand, set it down, grab her head, and slowly start kissing her.
Because you’re being so blatant—starting with the shh and setting down your wineglass, there is massive sexual tension. And once you take her wineglass and set it down, it’s pretty much a done deal.
The other nice thing about this technique is that if you’re feeling nervous about it as you start, by the time you’ve grabbed her glass, you’ve created so much tension that it would be weirder and more awkward for you not to kiss her. You’ve essentially created your own momentum to get it done.
Yet another nice thing about this technique is that it creates a dramatic, romantic, sensual kiss for the girl: one that builds an intense sexual relationship vibe and one she’ll surely remember you for. I often do this if I’m sitting across from the girl, or I use it as a way to bridge the gap, to get the kiss and create an intimacy that otherwise wouldn’t have been there.
So there you have four techniques to get you the kiss. But remember, the most important factor is your attitude. You must know that as a man, it’s your responsibility to take action and step up.
Again, I’ve never lost a girl by going for the kiss, but I’ve lost girls by not going for it. Don’t miss your window. Simply trying for the kiss improves the interaction and makes it man-to-woman.
So get out three, go for the kiss, and make it happen. See you next time.
Hey, Todd Valentine here.
Today we’re going to be talking about online game. There is so much I’ve learned on this topic that I could write a book about it (and, actually, I am), so here we’ll stick to the basics, like how to set up an effective profile and how to start messaging. We’ll cover concepts more than we’ll cover specific techniques, but they should definitely be enough to get you started.
First off, you’re probably asking, Why online game?
Well, if you’re new to game, you may find it difficult to get a lot of dates using cold approach. So, by moving that initial interaction online, it is usually much easier to get dates (although at first there may be some hurdles to overcome). The online approach will allow all areas of your game to progress. When you get dates more easily, you will have more opportunities to practice what to do on the actual date, how to escalate, etc.
What’s up? Todd Valentine here, and today I’ll be covering How to Flirt.
For a while I wrestled with this topic and how to present it, because naturally you all know what flirting is, when you’re feeling it, and when you’re doing it (especially when you’ve been in the game as long as I have been, and flirting becomes second nature). However, the concept of flirting is actually very hard to define.
So, the first thing I did was the old-school method of pulling out the dictionary to see how it defines flirting. Here’s what I found:
Flirt (verb): to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions
Hey guys, it’s Todd.
Today’s topic is: How to Get Her Phone Number.
Well, obviously the first step is to have a good interaction with the girl. It sounds like common sense right? It’s pretty basic- the better the interaction with the girl goes, the more likely she is to give you her number. In fact, if you run a really good interaction, ideally, if time permits you to get to know her and talk for a bit, she should be the one asking for your number, or at least suggesting that you take hers (however, this doesn’t happen a lot of the time).
So what does that mean? Well, you need to ask for the number at some point. *Note: JUST ASK. Let me repeat that for you. JUST ASK. I used to be in sales, and what I found interesting is that most of my coworkers would fail simply because they would never simply ask for the order. There’s even a statistic I remember reading that says that something like 80% of sales calls end without the caller ever even asking the potential buyer to make an order. Don’t be that guy.
Hey guys, Todd Valentine here.
A question I’m often asked when people first find out that I’m a pickup artist or dating coach is, “What’s your pickup line?” It’s a normal question- a natural response to the unknown is to start at the beginning – but in my opinion, guys put way too much emphasis on this “pickup line,” this idea of the first thing you say.
I’ve found that it truly doesn’t matter what you say. I could give a guy with no experience in the game the best possible pickup line, but if it’s done in a nervous or reaction seeking way, or without the right tone of voice or body language, he’s going to look like a complete tool. On the other hand, if we take a guy who is centered in who he is, confident and grounded, and give him something really offensive to say, maybe calling the girl a dog, the guy can make it work (and most of the time, it works well).
What’s interesting about not only the opener, but the game in general, is that it’s not so much about what you say but how you say it. It’s not so much about what you do, as how you do it. Much of the game is about coming off as a guy who has an abundance of women- a guy who has had women and is confident in himself. Many people will try to “fake it till they make it,” and that can work to an extent, but obviously it’s much better to be genuinely confident.