Toddler Breastfeeding

Toddlers, tandem, and everyday nursing

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Nipple pain

Some women experience breast pain when pregnant. During my first pregnancy my boobs wore so sore. Any pressure on them was agony and forget about direct water spray from the shower. Ouch! My second pregnancy wasn't so bad. I had breast feeding aversion but was able to nurse through it. There was some nipple pain but not enough to wean Chase. This time around, the nipple pain is so intense I am frantically looking for other reasons and possible solutions.

Thrush is the first ailment that comes to mind. Yes, my nipples are slightly pink and raw looking and yes, there are white spots on them. I started treating with apple cider vinegar rinse and anti-fungal cream. The two home remedies I have in the house. Grape seed extract is on order. Can't wait to try and see if I do have a bit of a yeast imbalance. The rinse and cream has helped so far. Also washing/drying my clothes on the hottest setting with a bit of apple cider vinegar in the wash helped.

Even after all this pain, I have nursed Desmond twice in the past week. Oh my god I cannot tell you the excruciating pain that I felt. However, the pain seemed to subside the longer he suckled. It still was about a 7/10 on the breastfeeding pain scale. But it was enough for me to remember how much I loved nursing. Looking at him suckle and snuggle against me, he looked so comforted and content. A million hugs couldn't equal what nursing is for my kiddos. I'm going to miss this so much when it is over. Thank god I'm having another baby! I get to nurse a little one all over again :)

That's fattest lady I ever saw!

On A Sojourner's Life

He was four or five years old and he was talking to his brother, but he was looking straight at me. When I turned and looked at him he said it again, giggling. He was too young for me to assume he was being malicious - I think he'd just really never seen anyone as fat as me before.

While it was ever so embarrassing and I want to be so angry at him for that, how can I? What he said was true. I'm fat. I'm very, very fat. What I'm angry about is that he forced me to remember something I work so hard to forget ever second of the day. If I didn't, I would never be able to go out into the world. If I always remembered exactly what I must look like to other people I'd have no confidence to speak with anyone.

I know I'm fat - but I never cease to be absolutely shocked and horrified when I see a picture or video of myself and realize just how fat I am. When I look at a picture it's this big shock, every time, and I think to myself, "Oh, shit. I've actually been seen like this? In public?" I'm easily twice the size I think I am in my own imagination. And instead of letting this information sink in when I'm confronted with the truth, I simply learned to avoid mirrors and photos like the plague. Out of sight out of mind, right?

So this kid today brought me to my senses. Maintaining this awareness is painful. It makes it hard to interact with people, I wonder why I should expect them to take me seriously. But being fully aware of the whole, horrifying truth is the key.

Being fat has always been painful, but I've always managed to push it far enough to the back of my mind that it was never quite painful enough. Not painful enough to stop me from making poor food choices or motivate me to exercise. Taking off the blinders, truly seeing how I am, fully feeling the shame is the pain I need to experience to be motivated enough to change.

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