Toddler Breastfeeding

Toddlers, tandem, and everyday nursing


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How a breastfeeding relationship changes

Chase still talks about nursing. He doesn't really ask to nurse so much as he states that the milk hurts and he can't have any. The way Chase communicates, those statements are partially asking for milk. Put another way: "the milk hurts, and I can't have any. Is that still true?" Regardless of my answer, I feel if he could nurse, he probably wouldn't. I did offer to nurse the other day and he did for about 10 seconds. He still has hard times that nursing has helped get him through. When I comfort him now, I can see traces of our nursing days.

This morning, Chase was upset and banished himself to the bedroom. I sat with him and asked questions to help him work through what he was feeling. We ended up in the bed, curled up together in much the same position we were in when he nursed. His head was on my chest, my arm around him, and his arm around me. We talked and hugged and laid there until he was calm and wanted to leave the room.

I find it fascinating how nursing starts out as a physical connection. The transfer of milk to baby is the primary purpose of breastfeeding. Breast milk is the baby's food. Then breast feeding transitions to more of an emotional connection, through physical contact. Toddlers still benefit from drinking breast milk, but the primary purpose is emotional comfort. Once the child weans, the emotional comfort from curling up in past breastfeeding positions is still there. They touch your chest and feel your body and remember how comforted they felt when they were nursing. Chase may have stopped nursing, but he certainly hasn't stopped needing that breastfeeding emotional connection.

Is this poem short enough for you to read?

On The Universe

Now that you're gone and out of my life, I keep thinking of times I should've dumped you, way before you lost interest in me every time I asked you how your day went. Times I should've left you before you left me. I should've left you when you asked me on our first date if I was a virgin and how often I "pleasured" myself. If I would ever "in all of my life" send a nude picture. I should've left you when I asked you if I could read you my writing and you replied with a heavy sigh and a "fine". I should've left you when I asked what you thought about my poem and you replied with your shoulders. And when I asked you if I could read you another one, you responded "only if the next one is shorter". I should've left you when I picked up my guitar and as I began to play you said "stop. put it down. We're not that type of couple.." As if you wanted to be the "type of couple" that always stayed on shore and never dove too deep to discover the beauty lying beneath the ocean. I should've left you the first time we had sex when I tried to guide you for two minutes in what felt good and better to me, and you stopped and asked if we can "get to the fucking". I should've left you after the first time we had sex when you started to act distant. You just said you had "a lot of work to do" and that you were "just tired". I should've left you when I asked you if you wanted a ride home and you responded, "I think your mom hates me so I'm going to have to pass". I should've left you when my father admitted you weren't his "first choice". I should've left when I realized he was right. I should've left the week you were away and felt the only time you felt you had to talk to me was when you were "in the mood" and wanted something to keep you "satisfied". I should've left when I gave in. I should've left the first day you got back when I opened the door with a smile and you raised your eyebrows and pressed your lips together in return. I should have left you when you became hesitant to taste my lips when you used to crave them at 3am. I should have fucking left. Why did you leave before I was ready for you to leave me. I wasn't fucking ready.

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