New York, NY - At the risk of stating the obvious, music makes us feel things... Upon close examination, these emotions don't always manifest themselves in a linear, sensible, or communicable fashion, but rather in a cloud-like, ethereal build-up and somersault of feeling, that make it seem as if your head is beneath your feet as you're walking across Park Avenue during rush hour... and then suddenly there's quiet and everything makes sense on a blanket in a Colorado sunshine field with wooden fences... You follow? When we hear a well-written song, surrounded by certain objects, in memorable company or in solitude, we don't always remember details of conversation or concerns of the past, but will forever carry a feeling associated with a particular moment. That's what this blog aims to admire; "music the art, not the commodity," and its intangible influence that enables us to transcend time and space, exposing the present as the illusory thing it is; composed of all that came before, and quiet hopes of where we think we want to go next.
Getting this blog up to speed, I begin with a song written by an artist who I recently had the pleasure of meeting, and who lit my exploration into the world of singer/songwriter a little over a year ago. This post is for a musician that has made my days more real and(!) simultaneoulsy... hopelessly, beautifully surreal in a way only his music can. Gregory Alan Isakov will have my first post, and at any rate, probably my last. Here's to you, Greg.
"Music was something I did early in the mornings, or at night, or during the winter. I was terribly shy when I first started playing out, I still am, but there came a point when music felt like something I had to do, an imperative, instead of a hobby. I never wanted to be famous; I don't want people to know my name or what I look like, I don't want any of that. But music is a weird compulsion."
On The Life Of An Ordinary Teenager
Life is out of reality right now. I have a crush on Finn, almost finished my first year of high school and am having an emotional depression. Not that kind of depression where you want to kill yourself but a hard time in life where you're on an emotional roller coaster. Living life and especially living these amazing experiences, is a true gift.
I need life, love and people. The only thing i want in life.. is to be happy. Why can't life be like a box of chocolates or even a fairy tale. Why can't i be a princess? Screw it, i don't like this girly stuff. Apparently when i was little, i used to wear my plastic heels to day camp. I didn't want to wear shorts, i wanted to wear dresses and skirts. Being a real girly girl was truly who i was back then. Now i wear black nail polish ( i'm not a goth ) and have a very reserved opinion about fashion and other factors of life. Sometimes i do miss being a kid. You had nothing really going on in your life and you loved toys and barbies. There weren't any drugs or sex. You were innocent and you didn't know about these things. Now were fucked and we think we know everything.
Finn is on my mind like peanut butter and jelly. He is so kind and soft but at the same time, i know i'll never be able to date him or even tell him how i feel. Today, a guy named Owen and he's in my class, asked me if i was dating Finn and i asked him why he would think that. He told me because i spent the day with him yesterday and that yeah... it was pretty much just a question. Then, i've been hanging out with Vincent and people think were dating. Me and him just have a smooth relationship. We were going down this hill today in the forest and it was really high. Vincent took his time and then ran down. I was worried and cautious not to fall and was extra careful. As i was going down, i suddenly had to run down. So i did. But i've gone through puberty so... i've got some chest if you know what i mean. My bras are too small and only the girls will understand that your boobs, move more when they are not correctly supported. My chest moved a little too much and when we got down, he said that he in fact did see, a little too much. Then we started laughing so hard and, it was a good and memorable moment.
Anyway, me and Vincent went to sit on the track terrain and then Finn was there with Zane, Amber, Emma, Louise and a few other people. I kept peeking at Finn and tell me if i'm wrong but.. When you like someone and you want the other person to see you and notice you, you start doing things to get their attention. So that's pretty much what i did. Me and Vincent were laughing and rolling in the grass and it was fun. I don't fully know if Finn actually looked but after, Vincent got up and left me alone for i don't know what reason. So i got up a few minutes later and Finn came by my side. I asked him if he was having fun and he said, not really. I told him if ever he wanted to come with me he could, i didn't want him to think that i stayed with him only when Vincent wasn't there because earlier, he was acting weird and shy with me and i thought something was up.
These little things that happen tell me he might be into me but he might not be. I asked him if he would ever date Amber and he said no. That made me kind of happy but it doesn't mean anything. Amber actually got what she wanted and is now dating Zane. In art, he invited me to sit at his table and it was not that big of a deal but these are the things that make my attraction real for him. I go to his locker every time the bell rings and we walk together to class. I don't know where this is going but hopefully, we will manage to stay friends.