Writing is hard because you have to be honest to know what's up. My life has been okay but not the most amazing it could be. I am still as confused as before and still as unsure about life as before. Yesterday i saw my very good friend, Opal. She is such a wonderful girl and i am lucky to know her. We walked in the village and ate ice cream. We were laughing and talking about school, friends and... well life. It's good but it's bad. You want it but you don't. That's the problem.
Opal and i get along so well and we have never gotten into a fight. Whenever she needs a friend, i'm there. When i need a friend, she never lets me down. When my mom picked me up around six o'clock, she told me that at the grocery store, she bumped into Alexa's mom. Now as you may know or not, me and Alexa have a huge history. We've known each other since the fourth grade and quite a lot has happened since then.
When she was the new girl at my school, the popular girls were inviting her to be with them and shit. But we sorta knew we liked each other and clicked instantly. We both loved to play teacher and have folders, pens and binders. Every single weekend she'd come over and we would play and laugh till midnight. It was one of the best times of my childhood. But then, we got into a fight for gosh who knows what and she started disliking me. A lot. That summer, we went to the same summer camp we had planned before the fight and life was weird. I was making friends but i think she didn't like that so, she came and took them.....sorta. Anyway, we have had multiple fights but we've also had good times. When i first started high school, we would facetime every morning while we were getting ready. We would talk every night but then, we drifted apart and found our own friends.
This summer, we found our way back. With her writing me a birthday letter, everything in the past was gone and my appreciation level was at a hundred. Ever since, at school when we see each other we say hi or scare one another. We know each other really well and get along like sisters. As you know, my summer is a fucking nightmare. I haven't done that much and am wasting precious time. I just feel like i should be spending time doing things i'll remember forever. Seeing friends, going to movies, taking vacations around the country. I haven't left Canada it's been five years. Five years of not living new crap out of my normal life. I like my normal life but it's good to get away too. Right?
To get back to the grocery store thing, Alexa's mom told my mom that i should call Alexa so we could do things since she's sitting around at home too. With her whole suspension story, Alexa's parents don't want her to hang out with her old friends cause.... let's just say they're bad. So right when my mom said that, i texted Alexa and asked her if she wanted to do something with me the next day. The next day is today and i'm writing this waiting for her arrival. Last night, we spoke on the phone for about two hours. We just had so much to say and i really loved it. Whenever i'm with old friends and i get to show them who i am now, i think it's cool to see if they like the new me.
She told me about her friends and the drama that had happened this year, i just thought to myself how my life was boring compared to hers. She tried new things and saw new sides of life which is what i want to do. I'm not gonna go bad or become an addict but like i said a thousand times, i want to change. I feel like with her i can change. Be myself but change. When i start school in August, i'm going to find the friends for me. I'm sick and tired of not having fun and meeting new people.
I want to start new projects. Maybe even a Youtube channel where you'll see my actual face. Where i'll do what i want and say what i want to say. I'm ready for the future like nobody knows. With Alexa it's real. We'll always get along and we'll always like each other. Don't know if she feels the same way but that's how Jane feels.
Ready to embark the future, i will see you in a couple days. I'll tell you all about my little meetup with Alexa and all my feelings that came with it. My posts are not as frequent as before but i don't know what to write sometimes. I'm just...... unexpected.
Resuming the happening of my birthday disaster..... my friend Emma who was the only one to help me out through this tough time, came in and said happy birthday. Then followed with my other friend, Louise, they were the only two who actually wished me a happy birthday. That was a moment of appreciation but also sadness. Just because, nobody knew it was my birthday. Nobody. My old friend Alexa wrote me a letter and Louise was the one to give it to me but, Alexa and i were best friends in the 4th grade and also in 6th. But this year we sorta drifted apart.
When people tell you their experiences they've had with other people, sometimes you need to listen because they might just be right. All my old best friends told me that Emiline was not a good girl and she was just a hypocrite bitch. I didn't believe them, but now i do. People, whether you know it or not, they care about the person you are and are always looking out for you. When you meet the right people and there are bumps along the road but you always manage to stay friends, they'll be by your side forever. Alexa wrote about us thinking of high school and now we finally were, how she wished to be able to give me this letter in person but she got suspended and how she would ALWAYS have my back if i needed her. Always is my favorite word. It represents certain negative and positive things in life. Never hold a grudge against someone because maybe you're holding it against the wrong person. ALWAYS forgive.
My mom once joked that I make her look like my enemy on my blog. The force that I rebelled against as a youngster was my parents, so they get painted as the opposition sometimes. I'm proud of this rebellious streak, and attribute some of my success to it, but also know that I would have none of what I have if it wasn't for them.
Even ignoring the all-trumping donation of their genetic material, my parents, along with the rest of my family, are unquestionably the biggest positive force in my life. Although it doesn't usually make it into sappy blog posts like this one, the truth is that every single day, I think about how incredibly lucky I am to have such incredible parents. If I dwell on the thought too long, I find myself fighting back tears of gratitude.
As someone who enjoys a huge degree of personal freedom, I am only now beginning to be able to comprehend the sacrifices that my parents have made for me. I was a difficult child even before I was born, giving my mother 36 hours of labor before finally popping out into the world. From that time until long after I left the house, she and my father put my needs above their own. It's fair to say that for most or all of that time, I didn't realize how profound this sacrifice was, let alone acknowledge it.