It all started out with myself, my fiancé, and the unborn child that I have on the way. By the way he found the perfect name for her, Summer Ava Copeland. I had just left New York to come and pursue my career in writing on Campus at Full Sail University. Now, I was determined that I could handle it all alone, but I forgot that with having my own place would come a little trouble. Courtney, my boyfriend at the time was active in my life. I heard from him daily and he didn't really fail at trying to get my attention, because he was persistent and always found some type of determination.
When we first started dating, I was living in New York with my mother and he was in his cousin's closet sleeping on a little mat. I'm not sure how he kept that up, but his drive to get a better life for himself was very interesting to me. Anyway, he called me every part of the day to see what I was doing or to Skype with me. That was my first time meeting someone online and actually meeting them, and then living together.
I left from up North with everything that I needed, my brains, money, and beauty. Not even a month down the line I started missing home (NY) and wishing that I could take a road trip back to be with my mom and sister, but that wasn't going to happen. I didn't have money to waste like that on a plane ticket.
My standards started to lower a little, before I realized that I was doing everything that I said I wouldn't do. There was a guy living in my home, I was having sex, and we were practically playing house until stuff got real. I was scared about the situation, because all that was on my mind was to not get pregnant, but that was unfortunate. Before we even knew that I was pregnant, we got hit with an eviction notice because rent was three days late.
I started having a meltdown and thought that I was going to go homeless, but my father stepped in and helped. Courtney and him went half on the rent. I felt bad, because all the money I had I was spending on the comfort of our home after a couple of weeks when I got down South. There was even a past due balance for my school that needed to be paid, before I could even come on campus. Courtney went half with my dad on paying that bill. Something about my boyfriend paying for things didn't feel right, maybe because I was being a mother to my other exes....
Everything from the past started coming back to haunt me. I started getting anxiety attacks, going to the hospital, becoming more emotional, and crying a lot. I felt so depressed and broken because I had realized that all I ever even had in life, my mother had taken it from me or I had given it away to help those in need, before I helped myself I had NOTHING! I recall giving my mother a call a few times, because of eviction and a few other personal reasons but she didn't allow me back into her home. It hurt so much that my own mother and siblings couldn't (didn't want to) do much for me. I somehow became this angry person who was careless and didn't think about consequences.
I don't know how much I cried in front of my boyfriend (now fiancé), because I didn't want him to see me going through everything and struggling. But somehow he wanted to stay and help me through everything, why? I'm not really sure. I was writing and submitting to literary magazines and things like that but no type of luck was there for me. All I kept thinking and writing about was my ex, Javis (a piece of shit person) who only cared about himself. Somehow I was bound and stuck in so many different situations at once, but I do thank God for my fiancé! We had our ups and downs too, but it wasn't until I was down to nothing that him and my father, and Uncle Mac had bought to my attention the importance of ambition and chasing dreams, again! I lost my way mentally, physically, and spiritually.
It even caught me off guard that I was getting a call from my co-pastor, back in New York. She had just spoken to me about being strong and keeping my legs closed but it was too late! I knew that what I was doing was wrong and against God, but I repented. What got me into writing this memoir is how I've looked back and seen myself then and now. I've grown as a person, but I do realize what I was overlooking in my life. I thought some things were easy to attain but that's not true! I had too much pride, over confidence, and anger .....I just had to learn the hard way, before I finally understood that humility, identity, and freedom are three of the most important things I need to have in my life.
Even a few friends tried to change me into what they wanted me to be, but this story right here is going to blow minds!!! MORE INFORMATION ON THE WEBSITE...