You make me question myself as a person, and I realize that isn't healthy. Giving you my all even when I had nothing but still you treat me like nothing. Too many times you've talked to me any kind of way, as if I don't try to take action and make a way. Out of a job for almost seven months now and I'm desperate to make a living. All you do is put in my face the fact that you work and have a job, but I don't. If I could call this one thing I'd say it's an empty situationship. I almost caught myself on the verge of tears, it's hurts me that you don't care but yet without me you can't do much and vice versa! I hate ignorance and the person who's loud about it. I'm young and pregnant just keeping hope that I can still follow a dream as I was before without all the mishaps and errors. I remember you saying out of anger, "Getting you pregnant was the most stupid thing I've ever done! You're not a woman." I mean we all get mad and say things we "don't mean" but know that it's all the truth because that's the issue on your heart. I think it's time to cut strings and let a lot of things go, because I can't do this anymore. Will I even make a good mother? I ask this, because you make me feel like I have nothing worth giving. I'm not where I used to be and I admit I fell off, but why even date me or claim you want a life/partnership with me when it's clear that it's not what you want anymore. As you said, "Nothing is the same anymore." I agree, I rushed a situation and ended up paying for something that I know I'm going to be raising alone. I still feel empty with you and your heartfelt hidden remarks.....
On Mike Dariano
This post is part of my attempt to be better.
WAIT! This post is not going to be what you think it is. My attempt at daily meditation is inspired by what James Altucher once wrote about keeping the different parts of your existence in balance. Altucher writes about the balance of physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional selves in the broadest terms. His suggestion was to to spend time each day expressing what things you were grateful for. Well, that's fine and dandy for him, with all his spare time, living his life. But I was really wrong and after realizing that I gave it a chance.
And it works. It really does work. I spend a few minutes - usually at night while in bed - reflecting on how fortunate my existence is. In terms of the world, I am a member of the one percent and if you are reading this you are too and that makes me damn lucky.
This week the first winter storm rolled through the great lakes region and while it was cold and the wind was bold it wasn't a debilitating storm like we sometimes get. I only had to spend a brief time outside but it made me think that 40 years ago things were a lot different. Houses didn't have insulation like they do now. Generators weren't there as a safety mechanism. Furnaces were a lot less efficient.
I also have a car that runs well, a safe school for my kids, a wife I love. I have a computer and internet access which brings an immeasurable amount of joy to my daily life.