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My biggest Problem

Hi..welcome to my very first blog. I must confess that I am more than a little intimidated to be writing one. Will anyone read it? Will they find it helpful or interesting? What should I share in it? Well, I don't know the answers yet, but I hope it will help me learn about why I am struggling with money and maybe help someone else along the way. So maybe we can learn how to figure this out together.

The biggest problem that I want to work though is my relationship with money. I struggle with managing it properly. It has always been a scarcity in my life. It is important to me to to identify and face the underlying fears I have surrounding this, buried under all the reasonings, justifications and denials. I am a smart girl. Educated. Based in science and facts. I should be able to handle this.

Here is how I thought about this today:

Fear is the root, with deep tendrils sunk into my beliefs and habits that are mostly unconscious at this point. Honestly, I am having difficulty even trying to pinpoint what they could be. Fear of not being good enough? Not being okay in my life? In this moment? How about fear of not having or being enough? Maybe being unloved or abandoned? Or not accepted..by myself or by others?

Define relationships based on what's actually happening.

On You're the one(s) that I want.

One of my favorite aspects of polyamory is that it challenges you to define relationships not by what society expects your relationship(s) to look like, but by the unique strengths and weaknesses born out of the unique combination of you plus other. It challenges you to look at reality – what's actually happening in your connection with that person – and call it like it is.

So maybe She's not "the One," but a damn good bi-weekly snuggle partner? Or He's the Burning Man sidekick you can't get enough of – for one week a year?

Loving More staff writer Kamela Dolinova expresses this beautifully in her article "Breaking the mold helps each relationship find its own shape":

There's a woman I'm happily finding "a shape" with right now. My partner Chris and I are 9 months new to Sonoma County, California, and I don't feel super connected with anyone yet. Chris' and my ultimate fantasy, like many poly couples, is to find the woman of our dreams to have a poly family with. (The triangle is the strongest shape, need I remind you.) In the poly world, this woman is referred to as a unicorn. (Wah wah.) So when we met Angela, an affectionate, soft-spoken woman I work with, we were both smitten – and still are.

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