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My biggest Problem

Hi..welcome to my very first blog. I must confess that I am more than a little intimidated to be writing one. Will anyone read it? Will they find it helpful or interesting? What should I share in it? Well, I don't know the answers yet, but I hope it will help me learn about why I am struggling with money and maybe help someone else along the way. So maybe we can learn how to figure this out together.

The biggest problem that I want to work though is my relationship with money. I struggle with managing it properly. It has always been a scarcity in my life. It is important to me to to identify and face the underlying fears I have surrounding this, buried under all the reasonings, justifications and denials. I am a smart girl. Educated. Based in science and facts. I should be able to handle this.

Here is how I thought about this today:

Fear is the root, with deep tendrils sunk into my beliefs and habits that are mostly unconscious at this point. Honestly, I am having difficulty even trying to pinpoint what they could be. Fear of not being good enough? Not being okay in my life? In this moment? How about fear of not having or being enough? Maybe being unloved or abandoned? Or not accepted..by myself or by others?

How I Lost My Job for Working Too Hard

On No Status Quo

Two weeks ago I lost my part-time job. My contract was due an extension, but I wasn't offered one. Instead the company chose to hire someone else the same month they let me go. They said I wasn't fired, but it's hard to use any other word for this.

I asked them if it had anything to do with my performance. They said that my performance was great. Indeed, I worked harder than most other people in the company. Including my boss.

I asked them if it had anything to do with my personality. They said of course not. I'm not so sure about that.

Then I asked if there was anything at all that made them choose someone else instead of me. They avoided the question.

I don't think they were just throwing dice when deciding who was getting fired and hired. So I pointed that out. That kind of pissed them off.

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