- My fear of losing you turns to a fear of loving you -
*sigh* what to say about it? Hmmm...well, its pretty much just that. Always, I've always figured love simply didn't exist. Well, not for me anyways. So when I did eventually and shockingly ( o.o ) fall in love, it terrified me. *Terrifies me.
Still confused as to what I'm even saying (which btw, is why I'm even writing this~) so apologies in advance > . <
Well I guess I do not what I want to say, but I just feel odd typing it XD Ummm lets see~ love is weird concept to me, I want it, its nice...makes me happy but...its so...
Like...I'm always scared about things, whether that's fucking up (I do that often ._.), him getting sick of me or just him leaving. Which just makes what I'm about to say even more stupid - yesterday, I asked him to break up with me > . < Stupid kitty stupid stupid stupid!!
I was feeling super stressed the past few days, which hasn't lifted yet, still fucking stressed -.- but that just amplified all my thoughts and fears, obviously something bad happened from that. I've said before, I'm super bad with trust, but I'm also like the worst possible girlfriend ever ._.
I get jealous crazily easily, super possessive, really insecure > . < <-- not good!
And I know its not good, kinda just another thing to be insecure about though ¬ ¬ I'm always afraid of losing what I love, and now I actually have something I care about, its just heightened. I guess I just ultimately believe its all going to end sooner or later so why not end it sooner before I fall for him any more and spare myself some pain...?
But...lets stay positive hmm? If I try hard to make it work...it might? Of course theres things that are out of my control, out of anyone's but what I can do, I should do. If I want him, make him want me. Work for it. You cant stupidly expect someone to stay with you if you don't give them any reason to!
So its simple, youre always going to doubt, always going to get jealous, always going to get insecure but you just need to learn to remind yourself whats more important! Your doubts or your love?
For me at least, its love. I love him more than anything more than everything :)
QOTD: Anyone else feels insecure with just the concept of loving someone, being loved? Can you relate? And how do you control your doubts? Does your partner help you with it or do you deal with them on your own?
Thanks guys~ see you next time <3