Shut Up and Take My Hand

Or yno...shut up and fuck off

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Images, Masks and all my 'Worlds'

If anyone else is like me, they have more than one 'version' of themselves and each one serves almost a different purpose. For example, I'm the happy, confident and generally carefree me in front of my friends and mostly my family, however, with a certain group of my friends, the closer ones to me the people I actually trust, I also show them the me when I'm down and vulnerable. And of course with my lover I show him all of me, when I'm happy and carefree as well as when Im troubled or depressed ^ ^

So that's images - what other people show us and what we choose to show other people. Next is masks. Basically the same but with more of a 'hiding' element to it. So for example, a few days back I was feeling super depressed, really sick of life and I was only online to try and distract myself from my suicidal thoughts when a friend began talking to me. Talking to him, I had to act completely normal, which to be honest can be pretty tiring especially when I was already feeling so exhausted mentally to begin with.

Wearing masks in front of people has become basically second nature to me and I do it naturally like everyone else, to hide my weaknesses from other people. Not only my friends but my family, pretending I'm ok even when inside I'm torn apart. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not playing it like I'm the only person on earth who does this, I have to yet to find someone who doesn't, but I just want some more opinions on this and maybe some clarification as to why I don't feel like I can trust my family?

Also, I'm really selfish. Even when I hide my pain from other people, I sort of still expect them to notice I'm not ok, really selfish I know and basically seeking attention but sometimes I think we all need that- someone who can understand how youre feeling without you telling them. My boyfriend always somehow seems to be able to tell that I'm feeling depressed sometimes even before I notice which is pretty crazy but also rather nice; knowing theres someone out there you don't have to act in front of, who loves you and understands you and knows you as well as you know yourself ^ ^

Next is 'worlds', not literal worlds hence why its in quotation marks. Like many people, I keep my personal and family life apart. Yes I call it personal not social simply cuz I find that I 'socialize' with people I don't trust and include my friends as part of 'personal' since these are the people I trust.

Seeing Her Again

On Tynan

Mandeville.

I looked at the route that Google Maps gave me to drive my RV back to Austin. The route went right past Mandeville, Louisiana. That's where Katya lives.

I hadn't seen her in years. We broke up four years ago, and I only saw her once since then, three years ago. She randomly showed up with her fiancee and took all of the big stuff she'd left at my house. Her fiancee apologized as we carried her bed frame that I'd been sleeping on for a year to his car.

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