Context: this particular post was written a couple of weeks ago while the misses was away for a business trip and my work was exceedingly stressful. The commentary is, however, no less universal today than it was then.
Barring a stroke of pure genius, welcome to my ham-fisted introduction, pounded out beligerently on the keyboard well past my bed time on a school night. I'm tired, my head hurts, my eyes are extremely dry, and the cat will, not stop, jumping, into, my lap. At this point, it's hard to appreciate my tea or find the patience for studying Japanese, my physical circumstances simply don't permit my attitude a sliver of optimism or enthusiasm. Yet, at the same time, I cannot ignore that my perspective as a self-improvement junkie, aspiring polyglot (knower of many languages) welcomes the reluctant learning as a badge of honor; a moment when my willpower and intellectual curiosity won out over my physical circumstances.
You see, today was a difficult day. Besides the brow-beating a 9-to-5 work environment can regularly lay on unsuspecting victims, the absence of my paramour (business trip) has made maintenance of my usual (pardon the term) "swagger" exceedingly difficult. Physically drained, emotionally exhausted, and mentally taxed beyond my usual burn-the-bitch-at-both-ends work style, normal circumstances simply aren't what they would be in the right lighting. My persistent pesimism born of a physical inability to muster a smile makes crackers bland, tea uninteresting, and conversations labored.
On the flip side, my usual sunny demeanor has its benefits, pardoxically serving as a hindrance to my dispassionate evaluation of the world around me. The same day, viewed with a good night's sleep, a warm hug from mah bebe, and a fresh batch of esoteric albums to listen to would taste the same crackers with delight, sip the same tea with appreciation, and lead to joke after hilariously delivered joke (I'm a God damn delight). Unfortunately, what this means is that regardless of the circumstances, you and I both are bound and determined to have our subjective evaluations swayed more by our physiology than by the flavor of crackers in front of us (I'm really hungry and all we have are crackers).
So what defines us? Clearly we aren't serial killers one day and happy-bunnies the next. You see, the common thread that runs through all of our perceptions is our perspective. The perspective that comes from many years of living our own lives, walking in the shoes of others, and having cultural experiences that expand our minds. No matter how pissed off you get that X didn't do Y or Z doesn't taste like Q, down at your core you know who you are: a person capable of patience and empathy, unwilling to rely on heartburn and assumptions when making judgments or decisions. You are capable of doing better.
I'm not saying it's easy, God knows it isn't. But seeing the world objectively, not attaching a label or a positive/negative evaluation to everything you perceive will help you be a more calm, secure, and happy person. I speak from experience. Look beyond your assumptions and ask yourself, what is happening in this moment? And when you're done, come back here and tell me about it because once my knee stops hurting and my complexion clears up, I will be a person that wants to hear about your life.
And you will be to.
I genuinely believed you would probably have something useful to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you can fix if you were not too busy looking for attention. After all, I know it was my choice to read.. Test Bank for Essentials of Human Behavior 2nd Edition by Hutchison 15 Chapters
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[caption id="attachment_201" align="alignright" width="294"] Red Panda is tired of bad layouts.[/caption]
So the blog dump will continue this afternoon, but in the mean time I am experimenting with design. I know, I know, I probably should've waited to publish the site until the design was finalized, but I'm a damn fickle person when it comes to my blog.
Anywho, your patience is appreciated while I wrestle with the bear of web design and in the mean time, enjoy an article or two! Leave feedback! Conversation breeds success and I want to know what interests you.
I generally prefer to stay indoors, and avoid public interaction, and just spend too much time on the internet. Of course, there are the odd social obligations, or engagements I'm entitled to erratically pop up at, like one of those ads on torrent sites. It's annoying.
But on occasion, I find a perfectly good person/reason worth meeting in real life. I am completely capable of conducting online conversations, and I am most at ease when talking to my closest friends, for they can read the smirk in my sentences, or the arch of a brow, or some other quirk of the countenance as we speak on social media platforms without seeing each others' faces. We know and understand our partners' personalities well enough to type however liberally we want.
Yet this liberty doesn't compensate the literal expression, rather it compromises it. There is something particularly cheering in hearing an actual laugh, or chuckle, or even snigger than merely reading 'haha', 'hahaha' or 'HAHAHAHAH!!' Sure, they have emoticons or at least, everyone has accepted that an equal sign plus close/open parenthesis equals an expression of happiness- but it's just not quite the same as seeing your friend's own unique features contort into a smile. The same goes for the flip side of delight. In fact, nobody I know who is truly in any state of deep misery expresses it with a colon and closed bracket. They'll use actual words instead.
It's much easier to ignore someone if they're not physically present; or simply brush it off by writing 'I don't want to talk about it'. Of course, they'll turn the same phrase if you were actually there listening, but their silence speaks for them, the body language, their gaze (or lack thereof), their spirit-or 'dispirited-ness' as it were. And the other person's physical presence is comforting, even if it's in commiserating silence too. Alternatively, they could always bug or shout at the other person till they give in. It's much more effective (and irritating) if you feel a finger prodding your back or sides and a voice chanting 'c'mon,c'mon,c'mon,you can tell me anything, everything, every~thing' echoing over and over and over in your ear- as compared to just getting multiple pokes on FB, which can be blocked anyway. Point is, it's much easier to escape interrogation/scrutiny if you're invisible.
In addition, you're only half as liable, or likely, to politely respond to someone initiating a conversation online, you could always offer up the crappy excuse that your connection was bad and oh, I didn't see it till two minutes ago!