I started this as a personal growth thing. I don't know, but maybe when I'm thirty or something I'll remember how stupid I was now:
Dear future self:
I'd like to refer to "future me" as "you" and present me as "me" to help keep things clear. I hope you can learn to keep your spaces clean. I'm sorry, but I am disgusting. I know I should clean up after myself but it's so hard to every day when I'm trying to compose and practice and work and everything at once. Anyway, I'm trying really hard to be the best musician. I mean, I guess I could practice more - who couldn't? But hopefully I make you proud.
Juries are next week, and since I never did one, I'm super nervous about performing in front of so many staff. I should practice, but I need a break. If I do anything music and school related I might crash. I'm breaking it up with downloading all my sheet music I got. :)
I hope you can realize that you've come a long way since you began, depending on when you read this. I know things are hard for us but it's hard for everyone. We just have to keep going. Well, I meant to write more to you since I want you to have something to read, but I'm trying to do work. Finals are coming up and I can't fail.
On The 4 Hour Struggle
Sometimes, we aren't at our best. For whatever reason. Tired, distracted by fantasy football, errands, eating junkfood, a feeling of laziness.
I usually struggle so much on these days not because of lower production. I have difficulty handling the stress caused by knowing that I didn't make much progress. Negative thoughts creep in like: "I'm not cut out fon this" and "my life is wasting away".
Today, I am fasting on coca tea. It's lunch time, and getting kind of tough. Strong cravings for food. Having done this before, tonight will be the real test.
I may not make a ton of progress this afternoon. Maybe just walking and reading. Tangible work is limited to a solid hour and a half of work this AM. Tomorrow I will be better.
So I'll take it. I am against a strong defense (resistance) today. The 49ers D. And my franchise left tackle isn't playing. After this post, I am going to shut down and know that I gained a few yards today. And it's okay.