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how fear relates to habits - Mission 1

(pulled this from evernote... written may 5)

how fear relates to the habits I shared in the questionnaire.

Well i've been thinking about this all weekend. I know there is a deep relation but it's hard to get to and feel the feelings behind everything. I've been reading "how to meditate" by pema chodron and I'm currently working on being present to my emotions. I've been working on emotions for a while, and I'm getting a lot better at being with what is happening. However, I still get confused and overwhelmed by emotions.

With all of that said, I know the root of a lot is fear, like the blog said. I struggle with living within my means, and saving up for the future I want. I also struggle with taking care of my body the way I want. I recently got my blood work done and most was back to normal. My sugar levels and cholestral were a lot more manageable and within the appropriate range. However, lately I"m a little worried I've been eating unhealthy.

I am perhaps more interested or more comnfortable with dealing with the feelings as they come and than to sit with them and process them. This is a simplified explanation because it feels more complex than that. That's the part I don't understand.

Oreos vs. Contentment: The Showdown

On The Slowing

Phew, I'm learning what it means to be busy again. Let me say that I adore my job and my coworkers. I'm giddily happy in my job.

But in the process of transition, I have allowed myself to regress by eating poorly, neglecting my tea/meditation time, sinking into Internet distraction when I get home, failing to update my blog.

To distract myself from my perceived failures, I started thinking about all the new things I could buy for the apartment I'm moving into next weekend; new clothes for my new job. All while munching on Oreos and frozen pizza.

But behind the frustration and boredom, the void lingered.

The problem with filling that nagging void with external objects is that we'll always need more, bigger, and better external objects to keep us "happy".

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