i've been playing a video game on my phone called clash of clans to build tenacity. it sounds silly, and maybe it is, but I've never mastered a video game before. First of all I wasn't allowed to play video games as a child, the only time I would i was over at a friend's house.
As an adult I found them exciting, but then frustrating, and later boring. I never got the concept of continuing to attempt until I got better.
I suppose I did learn to be hard working when I learned to play the piano, but even that was painful and I got frustrated fast. Staying with the game, and staying with losing and not being good at it... is challenging. Being patient and open to learning is also hard.
I am learning that this applies to all the other things I want to accomplish, all the other habits I want to build. They can't be built over night and I can't expect magical results right away. If i'm in it for the long-term, I don't have to beat myself up or throw-in the towel when things get hard or not fun. I can pick up and try again and again.
It seems like an easy concept, but it's really not.
Interestingly... I was listening to Pema Chodron's talk "getting unstuck" on my way home and she talked about an experience of hers where she experienced an intense emotional pain when she was around a particular woman who triggered her. She talks about going to the meditation room and staying up all night, just sort of being with her pain, it sounds like she was very frustrated with herself for not being able to control her pain or triggers. After being with it all night, she realized that her whole life was structured around avoiding this feeling she was feeling, her personality, the way she smiled, dressed, tried to please people. I totally related ...
] I avoid "that" feeling too because I don't know what to do with it, and it scares me what I might do or say. It makes it that much easier to give up when I get that feeling.
So now that I know this, I am working on staying present with that crappy feeling I disappoint myself or let myself down. it's difficult, but I think it's going to help me build better habits.
For now I'm working on what I can. I am going to keep going on this game, slowly but surely, and see myself improve at it.
So here’s your mission for today:Practice the self-acceptance technique above, just for a minute or two.Journal about it.Try this every day at the beginning of your Unprocrastination session, and see if you find out anything new each time.
What can we do about these ideals? We’ll go into it more soon, but for now, it’s enough to be aware of the ideals, and see how we rarely meet them. See the unhappiness with ourselves, see how we’re creating that with the ideals.See how life is uncontrollable.So you mission for this week: be mindful of your ideals, of your desire to control life, of how uncontrollable life actually is. And journal about it, and how it relates to your fears, procrastination & problems.
This was a very real post for me to read and digest, I mean I'm still digesting, but it hits home. I come from a family of people who are controlling and sometimes overbearing. we like to tell other people whatto do, and we're constantly disappointed with ourselves and others. i'm accepting this more and more every day. the other day i realized that we like to judge others and tell them what to do because it makes us feel in control of life, it makes us feel like there is order and not in fact chaos and that really we are lucky to be where we are, and it's scary to admit that the floor could be pulled from under us. we are not what's the word, immune.
1. Pick one of your problems being held back by fear — for example, writing your thesis, or starting to deal with your debt, or exercise, or dealing with a tough relationship, or putting work into building your business.
My biggest fear keeps me from continuing to explore and find out my calling. I am 30 and dealing with some knee issues and have had some back issues as well. I'd like to be stronger and have a good connection with nature that would help me heal and grow.
2. Commit to doing small actions of just 2-5 minutes a day on that problem, as part of your unprocrastination session. So for exercise, just go out for a brisk 5-minute walk or jog. For debt, just put your bills in one place and start listing them, then list some more the next day, then pay one of them, then call a creditor to ask for a renegotiation, etc. Tiny actions that you can start without too much trouble.
I have been doing stretching every morning after I wake up and before I go to bed. I haven't been super succesful with it, but I have been doing at least short stretches. I also have joined a gym which is a big step for me.
3. When you’re about to do the task for the day, meditate on the fear for a moment, give yourself some compassion, then act in the moment with the task and be curious about the experience. Notice the urge to procrastinate, and don’t let your mind run.
Every Friday Leo asked us to blog about how we did with unprocrastination. I missed yesterday but it's one day late. I swear it's not because I procrastinated :p, just prefer to do it on saturday.
I didn't write down how I did but If i had to give it a number I think I had 80% success rate. The small habits I'm working on are my waking and pre-bed habits: 1) tidying up as I go; 2) stretches; 3) meditation/contemplation (mindfulness). I did tidy up all week as my room is organized, so is the kitchen, so is my desk and files. Some days it wasn't necessary to tidyup very long at all, so I'd do something extra, or just skip it. I have been stretching right after waking and before sleeping. I do a simple sun salutation and some cat cows and then some stretches on my back. I've did that this week at about 90%. For the 3rd, meditation/mindfulness, I've done that about 60%. I am working on being mindful of my emotions, so I've been using my feelings as a central point in my meditation. I forget to do it sometimes, or I start and get distracted.
2. What got in the way?
I think sometimes what got in the way was my craving to watch a show on my ipad instead before bed, or read. And then just kind of rush my rituals. in the morning, I also over slept and then didn't have time or just felt anxious so the whole point of stretching and mindfulness was focused around quelling my anxiety.
please note: this blog was not the result of a prompt from Leo, I just wanted to write it. It's mostly for myself to process what I'm thinking, and it's not edited at all.
I've been thinking alot about what Leo is proposing, that fear is the root of all of blocks we see in our lives. it makes sense. I was listening to KPFK 90.7 yesterday during their fundraiser and they had a guest who was talking about the stories we tell ourselves that are defeating, how we see ourselves in a particular situation or problem the way we would have seen ourselves when we first encountered this problem, that is probably as young children, teens or adults.
we are stuck there essentially. stuck in a story about this problem and stuck in a story about the results of this problem.
i totally get this intellectually, but there's a saying in spanish: del dicho al hecho hay un gran trecho... or from words to action there's a big gap.
(pulled this from evernote... written may 5)
how fear relates to the habits I shared in the questionnaire.
Well i've been thinking about this all weekend. I know there is a deep relation but it's hard to get to and feel the feelings behind everything. I've been reading "how to meditate" by pema chodron and I'm currently working on being present to my emotions. I've been working on emotions for a while, and I'm getting a lot better at being with what is happening. However, I still get confused and overwhelmed by emotions.
With all of that said, I know the root of a lot is fear, like the blog said. I struggle with living within my means, and saving up for the future I want. I also struggle with taking care of my body the way I want. I recently got my blood work done and most was back to normal. My sugar levels and cholestral were a lot more manageable and within the appropriate range. However, lately I"m a little worried I've been eating unhealthy.
I am perhaps more interested or more comnfortable with dealing with the feelings as they come and than to sit with them and process them. This is a simplified explanation because it feels more complex than that. That's the part I don't understand.