So, I've been mostly single for some time now, and just recently I started seriously seeing a girl. This is relevant because up until we became serious I never really gave much thought to explaining or defending my nightly activities of playing EVE and being on comms with friends. It's just what I do, and I'll be honest that most of the time I'm a half naked lump sitting on my office chair whose seat pad is full to the brim of fart dust. Now I'm suddenly dating someone and I find myself wondering... "Is it OK if I play EVE right now?"
This self-questioning inevitably spirals onward because why would I ever deny myself something that I enjoy because of another person. I enjoy this person, so shouldn't they enjoy that I enjoy what I enjoy? Maybe there's something she enjoys that she's not enjoying because she's worried that I wont understand her joy. Clearly, this becomes exhausting and before long I'm too tired to do much else and we do other things.
I love this girl. She's a good one. We have fun, and I don't resent her at all for the obvious disruption in my EVE schedule that's taken place. Truth is I still play, but when she goes to sleep. Nothing is lost. But what's important to me is really just getting it out there that there's something else that I spend ample time with.
So, this is easy, right? Just tell her. But if I tell her, when do I tell her? During lunch? Dinner is for talking about your day, complaining about your job and talking about spaceships, right? No, that doesn't feel right. Lunch maybe sounds better. But we both work, so lunch wont work. Maybe in the morning when we wake up and we're laying in bed. That's perfect. She's comfortable, she's rested and at 6:30 in the morning there's not much sun light coming in through the blinds to cast distracting shadows on the wall while I'm talking about spaceships. But that just might be too early, I thought.
Then I had an idea to plan a date night completely revolving around the idea of just casually bringing up EVE to her at some perfect point. I'd set the kitchen counter all nice with our plastic cutlery and paper plates that do match. I'd put on some music. She'd absolutely love her favorite dish that I'd make for dinner. I'd wash and wear my one polo shirt that I own, and then nothing says I love you and want to share spaceships with you like picking fresh flowers from your neighbor's garden.
Aftewards, I could finally explain to her about EVE. It'd be the perfect time. I'd be wearing my polo shirt, and I could sit there and talk about things like wormhole effects, hero tackling and doom portals. Surely I would be able to make EVE entertaining that she would ask questions, and want to go deeper than what I would first provide her which would just be the mere surface.
Why yes love, that's a fantastic question regarding stacking penalties, and I happen to have the answer for you right here.
Maybe I could have a PowerPoint on stand-by in case the explanation got really intense having unearthed a dormant and unrealized thirst for spaceships from within her. It wouldn't have to be a big PowerPoint. How could I forgive myself if I was not prepared to answer her questions?
Alas, day turned to night, week became weeks and still EVE and I just stayed to ourselves. I just kind of gave up on figuring out when to explain to the girl that I love about the girl that I love. I continued to just play late at night when she went to sleep. It never bothers her, and she never comes out to ask me to come to bed. She sees me happy, and that's enough for her. Some people just don't need to know about spaceships.
Then one particular Spring night (last night) we were relaxing on the couch watching some Netflix, probably Arrested Development, when she decided to get a bit snuggly. She gets a bit closer and puts her hand on my chest. Then the hand starts lowering. And then it lowers some more. That's right, you know exactly where this is going. So, I just saved her some time and gave her the wireless mouse I was holding in my lap so she could pick something else to watch.
But she didn't want the mouse. No, what she wanted was my penis.
Alpha male status: ON
So, I proceed to just do nasty things to her. Things that you do when you're exhausted, have 2 Angry Orchards in you, and you're freshly showered, relaxing on a big comfy couch in a big pair of sweatpants. I do love my couch, and my sweatpants. I digress, after much contorting and calculating she finds herself on my lap like she's being spanked, but you see I'm not spanking her. No, I'm just finger fucking her to death. She's screaming. The dog's taken cover under my desk, there are books falling off my desk and I'm pretty sure I could hear my neighbor's say 'What the fuck..' through the walls. Just then, before my shoulder seems to dislocate, she proceeds to expel a massive sliver of shit into the palm of my hand. It was like shaking your grandfather's hand when you see him for the holidays and he slips you a 5 dollar bill then winks at you. This was no 5 dollar bill. It was a healthy sized flattened turd in my hand.
I immediately jump up, jump over the couch and run right to the bathroom. All the meanwhile I can hear the little lady screaming from the living room floor, "OMG WHAT DID I DO! WHAT IS IT! WHAT HAPPENED!" No time to respond. No air to respond. I put my hand in the toilet and do a 1-scrape with the other hand and get the turd right into the toilet. I immediately regret the 1-scrape with the other hand and proceed to turn on the shower.
"OMG WHAT HAPPENED! DID I DO WHAT I THINK I DID!"
Yes, my love. You just went 2 on my hand. She was mortified. She was in tears. And I couldn't hold her, laugh about it and reassure her enough to make her feel OK with making a 2 in my hands. I was laughing my ass off, and I just keept saying, "Awww you're going to be fine." She was crushed. She was embarrassed. She was vulnerable. She.. was possibly begging for anything to take her mind off of what just happened. Then I realized...
THIS IS THE TIME!
And it was perfect. We went back out to the living room and I jumped on my computer and I had her full attention while I talked all about EVE to her and showed her the things that I do. I could tell she was just happy to see that I was perfectly alright with what just happened that I could so easily move on to spaceships. I was happy to finally share EVE with her. She asked questions, and I felt a weight off my chest.