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"I got more views in one hour than I got in a month." -Mariano
Today I got to meet my new counsellor. This is the free 'fresh start' cousellor that is supplied by the NHS (for non uk readers the NHS is like Obama Care without the insurance payments or Government shutdown)
Now firstly I would not want anyone to think that I am ungrateful or quick to judge. Free health care is hugely important, and as a public servant myself, I understand that often it is the system and red tape around you which prevents any real difference you can make.
But today I went with some trepidation. The thought of opening up to a stranger, about feelings, fears, insecurities...well to be honest its simply not British!
I had visions of either being made to lay on a long leather couch while someone with a sooting voice tried to relate all my problems to a difficult childhood. Or Hannibal Lector and my liver would end up as a side dish to a bottle of wine.
It was neither, in fact I never even made it inside the door.
They're not the same thing, actually, as Wikipedia so kindly educates us. Jealousy and envy are very similar in the respect that they're both feelings of discontent towards something that someone else has - so 'traits, status, abilities, rewards' etc., but envy is also wanting - desiring - to possess that something.
Oh. Well. I plead guilty. Again.
“And the king of Egypt spake to the Hebrew midwives, of which the name of the one was Shiphrah, and the name of the other Puah: And he said, When ye do the office of a midwife to the Hebrew women, and see them upon the stools; if it be a son,then ye shall kill him: but if it be a daughter, then she shall live.But the midwives feared God, and did not as the king of Egypt commanded them, but saved the men children alive.”(Exod 1:15-17,KJV)
Moses’ fame has defied the stubborn attacks of almost four thousand years plus now. Skeptics and critics alike have come and gone and their fame naturally dies with them but this man’s fame still stands intact.An entire Holy Book is often reduced to his name for I read it that Jesus in His parable quoted the speaker in heaven thus “they have Moses with them” (Luke 16:19) and scholars believe this to be a synecdochical reference to the Holy Book.
And so it is that no one denies it that Moses was a hero. After all did he not generously shower his punches on that cruel Egyptian to save a failing Hebrew brother and left the throne in favor of the bush for the sake of his languishing brothers and sisters (Heb 11:23-29? There is no doubt about it.
But my mind goes back to the women who let Moses breathe despite the government order to have Moses stilled to death, Shiphrah, and Puah (Exod 1: 15), rebels at their best! In a society that underrated and despised women and treated them as garbage, these two souls deserve an accolade for bravery. Standing up against “guns” and “machetes” of the king because of the conscience of right and wrong is something worthy of admiration to me!
A series of conversation topics led me to this question that I am now going to ask all of you:
Do women, after menopause, ever put in a tampon strictly for nostalgic purposes? Along side of that, do married couples after either menopause, vasectomies, or the like, ever use condoms during sex to get that nostalgic rush of when they used to have to wear them?
Obviously, these are personal questions, but reply if you feel so inclined. Seeing as I'm only 23, I have not run into the opportunity to try this out. Nostalgia is an interesting thing. I know I have done specific things to try and conjure the same emotions I once felt years ago.
some i'm dealing with some isues, completely unrelated to my blog. so instead of opening up about it, i've decided whenever i do get antsy and end up awake at 3 a.m. i will rant about something fashion related. so, here we go.
first off, i absolutely HATE the 20th season of Americas Next Top Model. i mean, it's cool that they decided to throw guys into the mix, but instead of choosing potential models, they chose 12 year olds that want to hump everything in their path, while crying, and starting drama over loosing challenges. awesome. and the girls aren't any better, but at least they can actually model. which is what the whole show is about anyway. it seems like this season, the crew was instructed to focus on what goes on in the house, more than on the photoshoot, which bugs the crap out of me, because it has never been this bad before. there was always a perfect balance between the two; a little drama here, a little smizing there. now it's all crying, screaming, complaining, and some stupid chick thinking gothic styles were somehow correlated with mexicans? like, wtf. ANTM had a great run in the first few seasons, and even the next few several (season 15 with Ann, my absolute favorite) and i liked it, because it opened so many viewers' eyes about the modeling world, and how cool it could be. but you know when a show is going rotten, once they decide to add american voters into the mix. because as we all know, America ( United States specifically) DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO VOTE ACCORDINGLY.we vote on looks, and personality, and literally everything besides the actual point. no typical american cares about talent. they only care about the idea of talent. the glorious outcome of pursuing a talent, and looking flawless while you actually engage in that talent. so apparently things were going downhill, and someone decided to make desperate moves (and i'm not blaming Tyra, because like in many leadership roles, other people around you,who really run things, primarily make most decisions(( *cough* *cough* much like our presidency and congress, but that's not important right?)))so yea. one of my favorite shows (former favorite,as of today) is now making a mockery of a beautiful industry.yea.i just needed to get my feelings out about this, because it's really been bothering me. other, more important things have been bothering me too, but this is a small step to recovery.sleep tight everyone.
One of the things that utterly peeves me is when a person says that someone should just "get over" themselves because their suffering is nothing in comparison to many who face inconceivable adversities around the world. I think this point of view is prevalent in America; a land of "plenty" where well-to-do teenagers suffer from depression that seems to have an unknown source. They get fed (probably more than) three times daily, they have central heating and a warm bed with a comforter that cost way too much from some over-priced store like Urban Outfitters, and they have their own iphone 5 with an updated ios platform. "What the f*** are they crying about?" some may ask.
Well let me humbly share my one voice out of the thousands of teenagers in America who are currently taking Prozac.
Depression is real. Depression is deep, dark, scary, hopeless, and very, very real. Contrary to popular belief, depression does not always stem from one's lifestyle and experiences. Many people who are well-off financially and have grown up loved are still depressed. Many people who are impoverished and have faced incredible obstacles are not depressed. The way a stranger judges or observes another person's life can not determine whether this person is "eligible" to suffer from depression. And no one can ever compare two people's suffering and claim that one is less.
At this point, you may be saying to yourself, of course some suffering is greater than another. Do you really think all suffering is equal? And I agree, of course not all suffering is equal. But all suffering is. If someone is suffering, their suffering is real. Just because one's suffering may be less or different does not mean it has less influence and substance in one's life.
We need to STOP scoffing at America's depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and other mental illnesses. One day, you may roll your eyes at someone's depression, but when you hear that they are no longer on this earth, you will realize that their suffering was real enough to commit the unmentionable. When we can begin realizing that our youth are suffering from something that is powerful and devastating, then perhaps we can turn to a greater question: why?
Cherish every moment, relish every memory in the making. For we never know what the future may hold, and the past is gone. Live in the moment and experience bliss. When we chase happiness, it constantly eludes us and we never stop running. When we stop chasing, worrying, and wonder what if... When we truly live in the moment, regardless of what the moment may hold... we find peace... we find bliss... this my friends is happiness! When we chase materialist views and vantages, we lose sight of all that is important... Here and now, this moment, not tomorrow, not yesterday... Heaven is here in front of us for those who chose to see it. Why wait for the day we go to a better place, why not make this a better place and embrace life with excitement and love!?!
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Being new to blogging I had no previous experience setting up my own blog. I was aware of WordPress but a wise friend Maneesh also said I should simultaneously try SETT.com and see which had the better feel. My plan was to make myself a decent looking blog with one post, spending as little time as possible.
My first attempt was with SETT. At first, It failed as I couldn't get past the 'set up your password screen'. Not sure if the site was down of if it wouldn't let me sign up because I had not completed the registration properly first. Probably the latter but lets not dwell on my failings and get to my anecdotal experience:
WordPress was intuitive and I was up and running in no time. I selected a free theme, changed it a bit, and wrote my first entry. I disliked the fact that I could not customize my theme more and was forced to use their photos instead of my own. I figured if it ever needed it to look a certain way I could pay for a custom theme or spend some more time at it. My first impression was that it was mostly idiot proof and a lot easier to start a blog than I had ever imagined. Also for the mere minutes of commitment I had a pretty decent looking blog.
Getting this post up on SETT was today's goal. Once I properly registered I was able to set up my free blog post about as quickly as with Wordpress. I also tried to customize it a bit but was seemingly unable to upload my own photos into the template. There is a good chance it is me doing something wrong, but it would have been awful nice if it just worked the way I expected it to without having to read directions or e-mail the staff.
At this point I am not sure if I am willing to commit to a clear winner. Wordpress was easy and a bazillion other people already use it giving it a lot of credibility. SETT on the other hand makes very compelling offers and pepper's the site with testimonials full of promise. I figure I will try to spend some more serious time getting things customized to a point where I am comfortable with the look of each of the sites before I hitch my wagon to one vs the other.
Yes, I love rainy days. Rain is the only "cold" weather we get in Southern CA, so it's always very exciting and delightful to experience a rainy day. However, rainy seasons (filled with trials, sadness, depressions, and hopelessness) are no fun. Unfortunately, the last year of my life has been a rainy season. Literally, from the time of my birthday last year all the way to my birthday this year (which is in about 20 days), it's been nothing but rain. Oh how I pray and hope that this new year will be different. No more clouds. No more fog. No more thunder and lightning. I want to see the sun.