I muse, therefore I am.


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More Mechanics of the Thing

So it might be time to let my inner Engineering Type come out for a visit, for a bit. She needs a reason to at least edge a toe or two into that research ocean she'd normally be surfing in. Knowledge is power; I'm a huge believer in that. So why have I not delved in earlier? Dived in? Dove in?

I'm sure there are a lot of complex psychological reasons, and more likely a lot of simple ones. But another good one (and I am super-psyched about any of the good, what with its limited inventory right now) is that from the instant I met the doctor I totally randomly (or not - depending on one's metaphysical framework for life) ended up with, I felt I was in extremely capable hands. Even the H.O., who is a born skeptic and curmudgeon in all the best senses of the words, was impressed when he met him during the second appointment.

For the H.O. to go from "Are we sure that just because this guy is an expert on this condition, it doesn't mean that's the only condition he's likely to jump to in diagnosis? You know - only tool, hammer, all problems, nails?" to "Hey, sure, why don't you go ahead and punch that needle through my wife's eardrum, twice, while I watch and hold her hand," in a matter of moments, well. The doc is impressive. So that is a huge, huge help.

Just Another Blog

On Don't Kill The Cow Too Quick

In starting again on my blog I am wondering if anyone other than Emma and I will read it. I ask myself who would want to read the blog of an 80 year old who never achieved notoriety through ability or crime. My children and grandchildren are much too busy with their own lives and my close friends know enough about me already.

This morning I was close to telling Emma that there is no point in my blogging; not even in the attempt to have more people read DKTCTQ, the favorite of my books.

As I was composing my message to Emma I started to wonder what would happen to my brain if I limited myself to watching the birds in my garden. Identifying the different birds would be a challenge but one that would come to an end and leave me with watching my papaya’s grow which is no challenge. I saw that I needed the mental exercise of writing.

Following on from this point I saw writing a blog as way to satisfy the demands of Hamish, my oldest son, for a written account of my maverick life. I am going to see if besides writing about the present I can incorporate periodic vignettes of the extraordinary events in my life which took me to many parts of the world during the twenty years of the disillusion of the British Empire and thereafter into the heart of the London art world and thence to the USA and eventually to Panama

There are many aspects of my life that I am ashamed off because they were decidedly unethical. Being an irresponsible risk-taker and a shameful hedonist, much of what I caused to happen was disgraceful. On the other side of the coin I was and still am a pushover for those who recognize that there is a part of me that puts instant trust in those who proffer friendship. Maybe there are lessons for others to learn from my failures.

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