I muse, therefore I am.


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Schrödinger's Tumor Laid To Rest

Well, I've had a week now to absorb the frabjous news that there is no tumor. Living for 2-1/2 months from incident to MRI results with the knowledge up front and center that there could be one was a challenge indeed. I managed, I think, to keep it relatively low-drama for myself and tucked away, but every now and then I would be swamped with the whole of it. I just tried to keep surfing.

Oh, the relief! I truly didn't realize how much tension I had been carrying around until it was gone. It felt like my shoulders dropped about two inches in the first 24 hours. And sleep? Oh, my. I was simply wrung out, as though I'd run a marathon. So lucky to have had the Thanksgiving weekend, and to have taken almost all of it completely off. Did me a world of good. Yay for sleep! It may be for wusses, but boy is it ever wonderful. But I digress.

So now it's to the reality of what is at hand and knowing there's not more to it than this. I have an appointment with the doctor next week to talk about my options. He told me the names of the main hearing assist options back in the process, and I did look them up on the Intertubz. One is a kind of hearing aid specifically designed for this kind of hearing loss, that is sort of like wearing a cell phone tower on your ear, and the other a surgical option that is sort of like putting a cell phone tower in your head.

Just Another Blog

On Don't Kill The Cow Too Quick

In starting again on my blog I am wondering if anyone other than Emma and I will read it. I ask myself who would want to read the blog of an 80 year old who never achieved notoriety through ability or crime. My children and grandchildren are much too busy with their own lives and my close friends know enough about me already.

This morning I was close to telling Emma that there is no point in my blogging; not even in the attempt to have more people read DKTCTQ, the favorite of my books.

As I was composing my message to Emma I started to wonder what would happen to my brain if I limited myself to watching the birds in my garden. Identifying the different birds would be a challenge but one that would come to an end and leave me with watching my papaya’s grow which is no challenge. I saw that I needed the mental exercise of writing.

Following on from this point I saw writing a blog as way to satisfy the demands of Hamish, my oldest son, for a written account of my maverick life. I am going to see if besides writing about the present I can incorporate periodic vignettes of the extraordinary events in my life which took me to many parts of the world during the twenty years of the disillusion of the British Empire and thereafter into the heart of the London art world and thence to the USA and eventually to Panama

There are many aspects of my life that I am ashamed off because they were decidedly unethical. Being an irresponsible risk-taker and a shameful hedonist, much of what I caused to happen was disgraceful. On the other side of the coin I was and still am a pushover for those who recognize that there is a part of me that puts instant trust in those who proffer friendship. Maybe there are lessons for others to learn from my failures.

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