Looking at her hurts a bit

A random college girl blogging about her awesome life with some pretty shitty moments


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I'm writing a book

I started writing a book yesterday. This is a big deal for me. I've always loved to write and I do a lot of writing actually (fanfiction though I'm sure not many of you know what it is). I'm quite loved and people ask me often enough to write things for them. That's awesome of course.

But the thing is, I'm not used to writing in my own language which is Dutch. I'm also not used to starting a story from the beginning. Usually you can just lay out the entire life of a character and it's like I just grab one random moment from their timeline. There's no explanations or much character history. Readers already know who I'm gonna write about so there's no use in that. They know the character just as well as I do.

So.. well I"m 1000 words in now which is nothing I know, but it's a start. Every story has to start somewhere, right? I don't know if I'll actually finish it and I also have no clue if I'll ever be good enough to really publish something. For now though, I think writing is just a way for me to express myself. Of course I really want to finish this book but I can't force something magical to happen.

They say that a writer is the sum of their experiences and even though I've had some, I'm still young and I haven't seen as much of the world as I want to. I haven't reached rock bottom and I haven't really been in love with someone (and them loving me back). I still have so many more experiences ahead of me.

Rant over.


On The Life Of An Ordinary Teenager

Writing is hard because you have to be honest to know what's up. My life has been okay but not the most amazing it could be. I am still as confused as before and still as unsure about life as before. Yesterday i saw my very good friend, Opal. She is such a wonderful girl and i am lucky to know her. We walked in the village and ate ice cream. We were laughing and talking about school, friends and... well life. It's good but it's bad. You want it but you don't. That's the problem.

Opal and i get along so well and we have never gotten into a fight. Whenever she needs a friend, i'm there. When i need a friend, she never lets me down. When my mom picked me up around six o'clock, she told me that at the grocery store, she bumped into Alexa's mom. Now as you may know or not, me and Alexa have a huge history. We've known each other since the fourth grade and quite a lot has happened since then.

When she was the new girl at my school, the popular girls were inviting her to be with them and shit. But we sorta knew we liked each other and clicked instantly. We both loved to play teacher and have folders, pens and binders. Every single weekend she'd come over and we would play and laugh till midnight. It was one of the best times of my childhood. But then, we got into a fight for gosh who knows what and she started disliking me. A lot. That summer, we went to the same summer camp we had planned before the fight and life was weird. I was making friends but i think she didn't like that so, she came and took them.....sorta. Anyway, we have had multiple fights but we've also had good times. When i first started high school, we would facetime every morning while we were getting ready. We would talk every night but then, we drifted apart and found our own friends.

This summer, we found our way back. With her writing me a birthday letter, everything in the past was gone and my appreciation level was at a hundred. Ever since, at school when we see each other we say hi or scare one another. We know each other really well and get along like sisters. As you know, my summer is a fucking nightmare. I haven't done that much and am wasting precious time. I just feel like i should be spending time doing things i'll remember forever. Seeing friends, going to movies, taking vacations around the country. I haven't left Canada it's been five years. Five years of not living new crap out of my normal life. I like my normal life but it's good to get away too. Right?

To get back to the grocery store thing, Alexa's mom told my mom that i should call Alexa so we could do things since she's sitting around at home too. With her whole suspension story, Alexa's parents don't want her to hang out with her old friends cause.... let's just say they're bad. So right when my mom said that, i texted Alexa and asked her if she wanted to do something with me the next day. The next day is today and i'm writing this waiting for her arrival. Last night, we spoke on the phone for about two hours. We just had so much to say and i really loved it. Whenever i'm with old friends and i get to show them who i am now, i think it's cool to see if they like the new me.

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