Okay, here's me starting something new.
Hi. I'm Breanna I'm a 16 (well 17 tomorrow) year old girl living in Canada. I'm in a rough patch right now and need to get it all off my chest somehow, so why not start a blog. Even if no one reads it... it's better than nothing. So here we go.
when I was 13 my dad got laid off, his position wasn't needed anymore so he got a package for a year and a half with pay until he found a job. At first, he enjoyed not having to go downtown every day. While it was October he decided to take six months off to do some personal stuff before looking for a new job- why not, he was still being paid for doing nothing! April rolls around, six months after being laid off. "Well summer's right around the corner and we're going away so there's no point of getting a job right now; I'll do it in September I promise."
It's October. Six months left for your package, we need money.
I'm 17 now. He still doesn't have a job. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad with all my heart and wouldn't leave him for the world, it's just that we need money and his personal business isn't making enough at the moment... Mum works part time at Lancôme, her back won't let her work more and she wants to be available for me and my little brother, Jaxin.
My little brother is another thing. Last May we were in Hawaii for my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. He wasn't feeling good, he didn't look good, and at 3am on the morning of the anniversary I wake up to my mum next to my bed telling me that they were taking him to the hospital and that I could either stay and sleep then come with my grandparents later that morning or go now. I slept. What a caring sister... Anyway, at 8 my grandma woke me up and off to the hospital we went. My parents filled me in and we were shocked but relieved at the same time.
He had gone into diabetic shock, his blood sugars were off the charts; the only things was that we didn't know he was diabetic before that day. So my mum and brother were airlifted off Kauai and went to O'ahu. It put a bad vibe on the rest of the vacation, my dad was stressed and always by the phone in case my mum called because something happened, and the rest of the family was worried about him. They spent four days on O'ahu then flew back to Kauai, Murphy's law that we were going back home 2 days later... so much for a good vacation. In the end my grandparents bought a condo on the island so we went back later in July for Jaxin to make up lost time.
The last year has been hard on me. With my parents adapting and learning about his diabetes I often feel forgotten. I know I'm old enough to get my own food and do things for myself but it has always been really equal in our house, no one kid got all the attention, it was shared. But suddenly all the focus was on Jaxin and I felt a little lift out.
School's rough, any kid will tell you that. But my school is a little different; we don't have any classes. It's all self directed learning. So our teacher advisor (TA) 's are really important, they tell us what we should get done in the coming month and make sure we don't fall too far behind. Coming into the school in 10th grade I got a TA who didn't help me at all. Keep in mind that in junior. high I was on honour roll all year every year from 7-9. I quickly got very behind on my school work. The only thing was; I had no idea I was so far behind. I thought I was fine, it wasn't until February that she told me I was very behind. I worked my ass off to catch up but I didn't know that strategies to do it. TA meetings became hell for me. What were supposed to be 15 minute one on one helpful meetings became hour and a half of what felt like punishment and criticism from the teacher who was supposed to help me catch up, not stress me out even more. I would leave every meeting in tears and not wanting to go to school anymore.
This is where things go bad for me. I can see it now, I didn't then. The thing with me is that I don't like to confront things.. In my head I know I need to, I know that if I don't fix things right away that they just keep getting worse. I hide from my problems.
At this point it's march. It's rugby season and I'm in the school play. I have to be at school at 7 for rugby and staying until 6 for rehearsal. I didn't need to hate that place, but I did. It's probably a good thing that I didn't have a car because if I did I would have left every day. In tears every night my mum decided to get me out of the situation. After many phone calls with a vice principal I was officially out of her TA and into a new one of my choosing. Immediately I started to catch up, and in the last three months of school I got more done than I had all year. Things were starting to look up in my life.
We went to Hawaii that July and while you're in Hawaii you forget about real life. So I was finally happy.
To sum this school story up... the last day of grade 11 is this coming Thursday. I'm still not done Math or science10. I haven't even started social 10. I'M IN GRADE 12 NEXT YEAR. GRADUATING AND I'M STILL NOT DONE GRADE 10. HOLY. SHIT. I'M SO SCREWED. To make things worse my TA is leaving next year to finish her BA. Not what i need,
To close this up, I feel depressed. All the time. And reading this post you probably thought "wow, she sounds really needy, poor her we all have a tough life, just deal with it." Believe me, I'm trying but things just feel like they keep getting worse and I don't know who to talk to.
My goal with this blog is to have a place to call my own. To write extra long posts about why i hate life, or a quick this week is great look at how happy I am right now post. I'd love to share my life with people or be there to let you know that you aren't the only person going thru a tough time, be a shoulder to cry on, or be a friend.
I don't really know how to end... sorry for the extra long post...