I was with two different girls in two nights in Bangkok.
One of them, I met the same day. We spent the day together, and ended it in my room. The other, I had met earlier in the week. On my last night in town, she said she really wanted to see me, and met me on my street around 3am. Quite inconvenient, considering my plane left early the next morning.
Here's the thing. Never once did I do anything to "win over" these girls. Or try to impress them, or even try to entertain them.
What the majority of men do is try to impress. At the low end of the spectrum, you have the guys who show up on the first date with flowers and chocolates.
But then there are guys who have learnt that this is not attractive. Guys who girls actually LIKE when they go out together. Guys who have learnt to say the right things.
But still, in the back of their heads, they have a desire to impress. They just express it in a less dumbassy way. They turn into entertainers, or smooth gentlemen, or whatever personality facade they think girls will like.
The time I spent with these girls, I literally did nothing. There were long periods of silence most would have considered awkward. I didn't, so it wasn't.
I took each moment as it came, and enjoyed the process.
Understand that I'm not really a trained "pick up artist" or anything like that. Yes, granted, during these two weeks I mostly hung out with three of the top dating instructors in the world... but personally, I hadn't approached a girl in basically forever. I was hanging out in my cave writing books, emails and sales letters until Sasha sent me that email asking me if I wanted to go to Bangkok the next week.
Despite that, I didn't need to "warm up" before talking to these girls. It's understandable if you do, but once you reach a certain level of emotional autonomy, you are automatically 100% comfortable in any situation... because you know. You know who and where you are. You don't take anything seriously, and you accept everything and anything that shows up in your life.
I'm not sure how to express this idea more clearly, but I'll try. Here you go.
When you reach a certain level of emotional autonomy, you have to do literally nothing except be in the immediate vicinity of another person to make them automatically like you.
You become magnetic. Effortlessly. There is no try. There's not even a do. Just be there.
Women know within three seconds whether or not they would sleep with a guy. Based on their energy and vibe alone. Then, you simply need to spend enough time together for it to naturally happen. During this time, women screen for incongruity. They want to see if you really are that guy that you made yourself appear to be in those first three seconds. So they'll say things just to see how you'll react. They're testing your emotional resilience.
The trouble comes when you don't have emotional autonomy and you're operating at the level of "trying to make her like you." Because then, you're NOT the person you looked like you might be in those first three seconds. You're doing things to impress her, to get a reaction from her.
When you have emotional autonomy, you're the center of the universe. You're completely aligned with who you are, and there's not ever a reason not to be yourself.
The irony is, of course, that your mama was right all along. Just be yourself.
But it's easier said than done, and you need to work hard to peel off all the layers of bullshit that are currently clogging up your personality. Learning how to approach solidified a few things for me, but most of my work becoming emotionally autonomous was accomplished by journaling. Nothing has had more impact on my life than hardcore journaling.
Also, if you liked this post, you're gonna freaking love my book. Just saying.
Picture is of a cool dragon thing, near the river, somewhere in Bangkok.