LifeDust

Things that my life is made of

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Experiencing the writing fear

On The lonely PhD writer

As a cronic procrastinator, I struggle everyday with fear. Since not very long I've been trying to be more aware of this feeling. I've never had a blog, and I've never written a post. Now that I've decided myself to do so, I notice that I'm terrified. So, now, in my very first post I'm going to ask to myself: Clara, what are you afraid of?

1. Failure. I won't be able to finish it, or even to do it.

2. Being judged. What people might think about what and how I write scares me very much, because an inner voice says that the result will be:

3. Rejection.

4. Imperfection. My goals are so high, that I'm afraid I'll never reach them.

Summary of 2015

On Sexy Polish Heads Up Millionaire

The 2014 was fucking amazing and there is no doubt about it. It was the year of my live and what is more important the next year gonna be better, much much better. Now is time for some bragging, year 2014 was completely better than 2013 so I can't wait 2015. Even thought I had many life coolers I've learned and achieved sooo much that frankly I don't care.

1) Sex - best year of my life, previous years I wasn't as bold as I am right now. Felt kind of concerned because there is no other way, when you are learning something new (picking up chicks) it takes some time. This year I had more sex than all previous years combined. If it wasn't enough sex was much, much better, quality was awesome. Also few positions from my bucket list is already done. Eg: Sex with girl with outfit of French Cleaning Lady, Sex when I was stoned (don't know why I didn't make it before xD), also Sex in the Office. It was amazing, I was really turned on and at the same time was kind of afraid that someone will interrupt our consumption of each other... We were making ourselves naked soooo fast.... We were doing it "hidden" under the table and I have to say I felt fucking amazing for the rest of the day. It was also very funny when we went to the kitchen in the office to make some coffee and was looking at the people nearby like nothing happened. It's very similar to those moments when someone introduced you girl, that you've already fuck and you both pretend that you don't know each other to just end up in bad latter on this evening.... Also I've learned something very beneficial that can boost my sex-life a lot.

2) Relationships - also best year ever. I've fallen in love again. My relations with father strengthen up, literally we are closer than ever before. I've strengthened some of existing relations. I've met a lot of people and I am much more communicative, it's way easier for me to talk even with random people. My relations are better and deeper. If it wasn't enough my friend who was forced by me for like 5 years started to changing himself for good. It's huge win for me because he had a potential but didn't believe in himself strongly enough.

Also I've understood something very important. There is not that important to find a women that match your standards for 100% It's also more than fine to find one that match your standards for lets' say 85% and work with her on creating relationship that match your standards for 100%. You can always helps her grow at rate of 1-2% each year. This way it's much more effective and much more fun.

3) Money - I've earned much more money then ever before. Will skip numbers because there is too much people form my real life who enjoy reading my blog and I prefer not to talk about how much I earn ;) I've improved my system of spending money, now I spend more on Relationships, Health, Work and Productiveness, Experience and I am still a Jew in almost everything else. That way I do enjoy money much more.

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