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Beyond Pickup - Have Your Cake and Eat it Too?

On The Tiny Octopus

What started out as my exploration of an age-old question: whether total nerds have a chance at snagging highly desired women ripples into a topic that permeates into a thorough exploration of everything regarding the enigma we call 'love' and how it may not be as magical as we first deem it to be.

Reupdate: 3/14/13 Didn't really mean to update on Valentine's Day but there we go. I rescind my 51/49 soul/body split I mentioned in the 3/13 update after responding to Zach's post on Sebastian Marshall's blog http://sebastianmarshall.com/dont-underestimate-biochemistry. I now believe it is a dynamic split that changes based on situation.

Update: 3/13/13 In yet another update of this post's evolution the original question has been staked in the heart by Tynan's latest post Not that kind of person. I am now more convinced than ever that there are no 'pre-sets' in life and the only barriers we put up are the ones of our own making. Not everyone starts on even-footing and some have advantages over others but in the long run for most things we are self-defined. For the longest time I've tackled a deeper philosophical question - is the body a victim of biological processes or are biological processes controlled by the body? (ie can we use willpower alone to induce biological change) Are human personalities just a sum of biochemical reactions or is the human persona a product of the 'soul'? I now believe that we have a lot more power than we give ourselves credit for and even though our bodies and higher aspects (mind/soul) may often conflict with one another ultimately the higher aspects are in control.

Admittedly hormones and such play a big role in our day to day feel/function and have enough weight to throw us off course . Starting out I think we may be a 51/49 split of mind over matter but with self discipline and proper care of the human vessel in my experience that ratio only goes up to pass more control to the higher self.

Update: 9/6/12 Figure I'd clean this up and add in a shortcut to help anyone trapped in the loop of pining for women - most of what is considered "love" doesn't exist just sex. Read the end of this post for the explanation why. Otherwise original post below...

Principles

On NWO Solutions

Play to Win - First off, its important that I look at life like a game. When I look at it like a game, I am able to objectify it and limit the impact my emotions have on the decisions I make. When I look at life as serious, and making mistakes as terrifying, I become nervous, anxiety ridden and always looking over my shoulder. When I look at it as a game, I look for ways to "game the system". By that, I mean that I look for the most effective ways to do something and give them a shot. A majority of the time, these ideas don't turn out as planned, or fail even if they do turn out as planned. When I played tribal wars, the first step to winning was learning how to play the game. Learning how to break out of conventional norms and expand my horizons. This also meant doing the exact opposite of what I had been doing. Effort and trying hard doesn't mean a thing if your doing the wrong things or going in the wrong direction. The next thing I learned is that it is A LOT of work to be the best, you need a whole lot of luck on your side and even then, your still 95% likely to fail. And that saying on top is nearly impossible. In the initial stages, I worked far harder than any of my other teammates, I had focused rules and regulations that dictated my actions and did my best to stay under the radar and not get noticed. This is the point where luck came into the equation to a large extent. I had built only offensive units and was nearly 100% open to attack. It is a paradox that at the times that I am the strongest and in the most powerful position, they are also the times that I'm the weakest and most venerable to attack. All that I really had to protect me was appearances and whatever bluffs I could manage. The second part of the luck equation was my surrounding environment. To start off with, I had a strong tribe with me to help me in my conquest. The second was that I had a non tribe member who was a solid player and had invested a lot of time and energy into building up some plump villages that were ripe for the taking. The more I look back, the more I attribute my success to good luck and my failures to lack of skill, effort and time, coupled with burnout. It takes a lot of effort to get to the top of the top, but I've learned to be careful and heed the warning of the tortoise and the hair. Natural ability and skill won't out last persistence and determination. I believe that those, regardless of skill, with the burning fire in their bellies will always come out the victors of the war.

Internal Locus of Control - The importance of an undying fire in the belly in unquestionable, but the question becomes, what is fuelling that fire. Is it the desires of friends, family, and society, or does it come from deep within. Would you follow this path no matter the thoughts and opinions of anyone else. This is an aspect that I've been slowly developing, and that I don't believe you ever finish developing. For me, it started off with taking control of my emotions. I used to put my emotional hot buttons out where everyone could see them and push them. This caused particular problems in past relationships. I didn't look at myself as an independent person anymore, and felt I needed their approval and acceptance to be a complete person. Looking back I realize how that creates a lose lose situation for everyone involved. Today it drives me crazy when people look to me for their self esteem. Not so much in a way that it bugs me, but more just seeing how silly the situation is and the pain of seeing my past and current self in their actions. After I took back control of my emotions, I was able to create my own independent prospective of my life and the things that I wanted to do. I feel this is really where I learn from my mistakes, but also appreciate the importance of taking action. When I followed advice of others in the past, I didn't take credit for both its successes and its failures. Now I do what I do to simply learn and experience the consequences of my actions. No one knows better than me how many mistakes I make, but I love them all in their own little way. Each has their own value and lesson packed into them. Each time that I take a step back to analysis my mistakes, I learn a little bit more about myself and who I am. My favourite learning process is going to the extremes in a category of my life, experiences and then determining my preferences. Looking back at leaving all my stuff at my apartment, I don't regret my choice because of what its taught me. But its also made me realize that being a complete hardcore minimalist might not be exactly what I want. But after voluntarily experiencing the extremes, I have a much better idea of what it is that I want and that which provides value to me. One of my favourite parts about minimalism is the removal of the excess. I learned to question the possessions in my life, how critical are they, what would happen if I didn't have them anymore. I learned that I might miss something here or there, but for the most part, I have ready access to anything that I really want or need.

Focus - While focus is a double edged blade, I have found it to be a tremendously important tool. I feel like I have a natural ability to focus really intensely on things that I get really interested in. When I first heard a tape about real estate investing, everything really clicked for me. That one drive out to Vulcan sparked a journey that I'd best describe as lifelong mastery. I devoured books on the subject for months. Then moved onto experiencing it for myself. I learned to cut what didn't work and stick with what did. I then developed the fortitude to let my investment grow on its own. I then began to count my chickens before they hatched, which was quite the mistake. I took the prospective that its better to live for today and worry/plan for the future as it comes. I look at this as taking my eye off the ball. I then realized that my financial area of my life really needed my focus again. I think I've done a pretty good job of simplifying and getting down to the basics of whats really important. The lessons I've learned are well worth the cost. I've also realized that skills don't always transfer. I know a very specific skill of buying and holding physical silver in small denominations. That doesn't mean I know what will happen with the bond market, the stock market, or even the silver market. Everyday I learn, everyday the market works to find my weaknesses and use them against me. The best solution I've come up for this problem is the internal locus of control. I love my silver just the way it is, it doesn't need to do anything for me to be happy with it. And even if I lost it, I realize that its not that big of a deal. The learning experience I received is a far greater value than its nominal worth. To be honest, I'm really just trying to game the system. Practice new methods of playing the game, see which works out best, and even just gain some prospective by playing the game for an extended period of time. I love having a longterm time horizon, and I believe its the key reason why I have been successful in the market where others haven't. I'd be perfectly content to hold onto my silver until I die, and passing it on to my children and grandchildren. With that prospective, drops in price have a minimal impact on my emotions. And at times, I even embrace it because it allows me to stack even more metal.

Delayed Gratification - I believe the key features to delayed gratification is a longterm prospective and accepting everything as it is, not needing change. When I enter into relationships now, I first make sure that I'm happy with and can fully accept both myself and the other person fully and completely, just the way they are right now. I understand it is likely that one or both of us will change as time passes, but that change isn't a requirement or expectation. Nobody is perfect, and I know how far from perfect I am, and that I will never become perfect. My only real objective is to walk the path. The path is never ending. While there are forks in the road and different destinations to reach, following the path is the only thing that is truly important. I believe this prospective ties in with having a longterm prospective. I look at relationships and everything else in my life as learning experiences. I don't enter into a relationship believe that she is the one and only girl, I look at her as the perfect girl for right here and right now. That's all we really have. I would never take a girl who might be perfect for what I imagine my future self to be, but she isn't perfect for my current self. It creates the requirement of change, which I believe creates unhappiness. Honestly ties in very nicely here. I don't censor what I say so that I don't hurt feeling or pretend to be someone I'm not. I'd much rather tell a girl the truth as I see it, have her flip out on me and leave, then to lie and pretend that we are right for each. This type of honesty can create short term pain, but I believe it prevents future pain. I find it interesting how much all these different traits or principles tie into each. Its really difficult if not impossible to have one really nailed down, but not the other. They are all interrelated, and as you integrate one feature, the others will be affected as well.

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