Tears were running down his face, mixing in with all of the blood and snot. “Why” was the only thing he could say for the first half an hour, but then he grew tired of it. You could still him not wanting to waste the energy, to even hold back from crying in the hopes that he could enjoy the last few moments just a little bit more. “Evan.” I said, placing my hand on his chest. “Look at me.”
He shifted his focus from the ceiling to me, you could see the pain in his eyes when he locked onto me. A reminder of everything that he experienced, everything that happened, and all that he'd miss. “I do love you.” The barrier broke, and the crying started again, followed by him saying why and screaming again. Another 10 minutes of me holding his hand, with him gripping so hard that he nearly shattered bone, he stopped. My hand was still on his chest, feeling his heartbeat as he rose and fell through the emotions.
“I know you don't believe that I love you, but I do. I love you more than anyone that I have ever known, and from the second that I met you. I've never wanted to spent my life with you, I wanted to spend it by your side. I wanted us to be the closest friends we ever could be. And for a long time, we were.” Tears were welling up in his eyes as he asked “Then why aren't we now?” I shook my head, saddened that he still didn't understand. I needed him to before time ran out, I needed him to know why before it was too late.
“We are friends Evan. We've never been closer, but I just can't help it anymore. Things got out of my hands, and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't fight it, and you can't either.” Now it was my turn to start crying, my tears falling on his bare flesh. “Everything in my life has been leading up to this moment, everything about us was driving me here, and as happy as I am for all we've had, I can't stop what's going to happen next. And it's something that you and I are going to need to experience alone.”
The weeping started again, as he finally understood. He finally got that it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't change anything that was about to happen. I could hear the weeping turn to moans of fear, when he saw me grab the axe off of the nearby table. “I love you” I whispered, closing my eyes. I pulled back, raising the axe above my head and bringing it down with as much force as I could. The blade burrowed into his chest, the last audible words being “NONONO” from him before the blood started to gurgle in his mouth and throat, blocking anything he was about to say. I pulled back, hearing the suction and stick of the blood, feeling the spatter across my face and chest. I brought it down again, and again, until the only sound was from the axe, and no longer his throat.
I dropped the tool, the heavy iron clattering to the ground. My arms wrapped around his corpse, head placed on the mess of his chest that was left. His eyes were wide open, mouth warped into an eternal scream. I kissed him on the cheek, holding him and wishing that what happened hadn't. The man on my shoulder whispered to me, saying that it was over now but I knew that it was just starting again. Evan had helped me ignore him for so long, but I couldn't stay away from him anymore. As much as I loved Evan, I just couldn't help myself anymore.
The whispered continued, telling me to clean the mess up. I sobbed as I chopped up his body, wrapping it in plastic and trucking it far into the forest. I ditched it all, leaving it in various places for scavangers to find and devour, kissing his forehead once more before I rolled it down a hill. Thank god he was able to understand. Now I have his blessing to accept myself for who I am and to move on with the man again, to be happy.
The sidewalk glowed in the rain, reflecting the light back from the buildings above it. Streetlights were dim, in a more run down part of the city, and the air smelt of ash and stale urine. I could feel my feet slowly crunching against the concrete beneath me, hear the sighs as people exhaled, no longer needing to keep their chest puffed up as they passed a stranger on the street. I had been walking since the sun started setting, wound up. Been having a hard time lately, and I needed to go out again. “It'll only be one more time” I promise myself, knowing that it'd be broken in a couple of weeks anyway.
The air started to become more still, the city slowing its pulse as it fell into a slumber. The sun had long since fell away, and now the lights above me were clicking off one by one. The rain was still falling, each drop falling with a soft pat on my shoulder, like the world was urging me on. As I took a deep breath in, I caught the scent. Drifting towards me from behind, a deep and heavy cologne, followed with slow steps that clacked onto the sidewalk.
I slowed down, moving off to the side and allowing him to pass me. He didn't just walk, but sauntered past. His hair was short, brown, and stuck purposefully into place. The earbuds in his ears shouted his music, and his bag bounced off his back with each step. The hoodie he was wearing was carefully chosen, accentuating his back and arms, hugging tightly to expose the definition. I only briefly glimpsed his face, but it was a confident and cocky smirk. Perfect for me in every way.
The music he was blasting helped cover my footsteps perfectly, as I ran up behind him. We were closing in on an alley way, and as we reached the edge I grabbed the handle on his backpack. He skidded in place, and I swung him into a trashbin. He crashed against it, and yelled at me, swearing. One of his earbuds had fallen out, the music even louder, but all it did was show how silent it was when he saw my knife. The second he saw my knife, he knew who I was, and what was coming.
I swung down with my fist, keeping the blade away from him but driving my knuckles into his jaw. He collapsed against the dumpster again, his head making an audible crack. Even with the tiny bit of light that managed to shine into the alley, I could see the blood on his forehead. A smile was erupting across my face as I bought up my fist again, breaking into a grin as I swung down, and a bellyful of laughter as I hit him again. His head bounced off of the trashbin again, making another hollow thud.
I found the young man, sitting low below the small bulb of the street lamp. He was homeless, his clothes disheveled, his eyes bloodshot, and his hair and beard caught and twisted in knots. I had seen him a couple of times before then, though never in such a state. He was...sadder than usual. I went up to him, and asked if there was something bothering him, more than the usual I mean. I made sure that I made that clear. He looked at me, his jaw slack, and his cheeks sunken.
“What...What time is it?”
I looked down at my phone and told him it was eight at night.
Upon hearing this, he put his head in his hands and began to sob.
I stood there, upset at myself for coming over to talk to him. What had I been thinking? What did I expect was going to happen? He stopped suddenly, his cries silenced, his breathing shallow. What he said next distresses me to this very day.