First let me start off by saying that love is deadly. It is crazy to one day hit this certain time in your life where you look at your boyfriend/girlfriend and realize I'm not just interested in you, I am completely infatuated with you.
It is impossible to say you have never loved. Somewhere out in the world whether its a friend or a family member you love them. And if they left you, you would hurt. But the big one I want to discuss is being in love with someone because thats where its serious. If you haven't been one of those people yet feel lucky because with love comes pain.
If you have loved someone and been hurt from it, there is a guarenteed sadness that comes from it, you shed some tears but I promise you move on. When you have hit the "I am in love with you", this is where you realize "What would I do without this person, because i am so utterly one with them that I literally can not imagine life without them."
Let me tell you, I am a guilty member of those trying to recover from an "i was/still/and will always be in love with you" heartbreak.
Secondly. I will say that not a day that goes by where I don't hear his voice in my head. It is like he is everywhere but nowhere. As if I didn't already have years of memories that haunted me, it's as if I torture myself in new ways. "He would love this new song", or "He's the same height as that guy", and sometimes it even gets as stupid as seeing something in a store you would want to get for him because you know he'd love it.
This ache I have for him, this longing I realize I don't think will ever go away. I wonder if I will ever fully love someone fully like i had him before. I wonder why my mind tortures me.
The man I once loved, has moved on. But it gets harder because I do not know if he thinks of me. Although he is now a stranger, I can not confidently say he misses me. I know that I do what I can to force myself to move on, but is he happy or is he pretending? The thing that seems to never go away is the constant question of why. Why? Why do you not care for me like you once did. Because I know that you were in love with me too, I know you cared as i did and still do once, so how do your feelings just vanish? Or are they still there and you must fight your demons too?
Third. Memories. They are hell. Why is it that I can forget what I ate for breakfast this morning yet still remember everything about the day we met. I remember how the names we had in our phones for each other evolved into much more over time. I remember the things you like and the spots that your ticklish in. I remember what you're afraid of and who you want to be someday.
In the end I know everything happens for a reason. I know that this is our end, and i must only grow. I can replay the happiness in my head as much as I want but it will never come back with him. I hope eventually I can not hate you for not wanting me. For breaking my heart and turning into the person you said you'd never be. For telling me that no matter what that you would never let me go, you would chase me. But you never did.
So this is what I say to everyone. Does true love exist? How many times must a heart be broken to know when it is the one. When it all comes down to it, isn't everyone a little broken? We must remind ourselves to stay strong and take life as the blessing it is. As you look to the skies for answers, someone else out there in the world is praying for an answer. We are all imperfect creatures that will continue to make mistakes, some more hurtful than others. Regardless, we are all capable of love and being loved. There is nothing wrong with any of us. Don't ever think it is your fault that someone doesn't want you. That simply means they are not the one. And although your heart may physically hurt, it happens because we love and we care; even when we try to pretend we don't. It hurts because you let someone in and you let them see that different side of you, but is alright because once they made you happy but it can only get better from there. Life is such a confusing concept, why do we live to die? But that is not it. We are all each someone's reason to live. Each breath, each smile, tear, laugh, heartbeat all give meaning to remind us that we are all human and we all will experience the same emotions in various ways. When you feel no purpose, pick yourself up and remind yourself that it is not the end and we must continue to live. Why not finish your time with happiness? When you look to the stars for answers, someone is praying and wishing for you.