Growing Up

Life Through the Lens of a Big Kid


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Why Taking Time For Yourself Is the Most Important Thing You Can Do All Week

I like to be busy. And if I had to be slightly masochistic right now, I really enjoy being busy. I like it when my brain is running wild with thoughts about school, work, and things that I personally enjoy. For example, for the last year I have been learning French, reading books on cognitive science, recently learning HTML, and blogging. And these are just the things I try and do in my spare time.

We all have things we love to spend time on. Whether it’s the profession that you pour yourself into seven days a week or your family that you are consistently investing yourself into. We love throwing ourselves into things. Or at least I do.

This weekend I was reminded of the importance of taking time for myself.

It’s now a month into my last semester of my undergraduate career and I my senior recital is all but 19 days away (dear Lord). I am currently working three small part time jobs to piece together a livable income while also trying to piece together some sort of social life. Things are stressful – as life is, and this past weekend I was drained. I had nothing left to give myself or anyone else. I didn’t want to read, I didn’t want to study French, I didn’t want to blog. I wanted nothing. And then when I did NOTHING I didn’t feel any better.

So it took this long

On Shut Up and Take My Hand

but finally I'm getting somewhere with my stupid therapist. Now don't get me wrong I still abhor her and I don't see it as helping me with my depression at all but hey at least I can say that to some extent these sessions are becoming more liveable.

I hate going to the sessions for two (or more) reasons. I hate talking about my emotions. Especially to someone I don't like and don't trust. And I hate the fact that its so *open* - as in, if she things its of importance, she can tell my parents or school or whatever. And ok *insert legal shit here* but eeeh. Its uncomfortable for me.

Anyways, after todays session and months and months of other sessions, it finally feels like we're getting somewhere in our doctor-patient relationship. She's finally caught on to the fact I don't like and don't trust her (slow much?) and after a conversation today, she's now "taking steps" to improving the way I view her. Which wont happen. But still.

In all honesty, I don't actually see much point in this therapy thing, other than it gets people off my back. Like my parents and the teachers at school, I guess its just a price to pay to get them to shut up for a few minutes. Only a few minutes though.

So these past few sessions, instead of just talking about depression and emotions and shit, we've started talking about random things I like. For example drawing. I showed her a few of my drawings and we talked about that for a bit and anime as well. Which wasn't all too bad, but me being paranoid and guarded, I couldn't help but be constantly thinking "so what's all this for then?"

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