So I've not posted here for a while. I have been really trying to work on my Italian, as well as trying to re-establish healthy eating and exercise habits, and this has sucked up the time and energy I might have given to trying to figure out what I'm doing here. And I'm still feeling that this system is not intuitive, I'm not really sure what I'm doing both with the change labs and with the blog itself. So my impulse has been to not engage with it at all. I've been experiencing it as a blockage to what I'm trying to do rather than an enabling feature. But then maybe this is my own fault for not focusing on it.
On the Italian, I've had another couple of online classes. The first one was kind of bad, I hadn't said what I wanted from it beyond conversation and we ended up in discussions that required use of the conditional and future tenses, which I'm not that familiar with. Once I set the terms of reference though - to keep it in past and present tenses for now as far as possible - things got better. I've got another class this afternoon and I'm trying to do some work in between times. I've found a website that does flashcards and have also signed up to a meetup type site that would allow me to meet other people who might want to do a language exchange locally.
I don't feel I've really established a habit though. I've engaged in some behaviours that might take me towards where I want to be but I feel like I'm just fooling around at the minute. I'm travelling a lot and it's hard to routinise this sort of thing when I don't have as much control over my schedule as I'd like. All of my 'habit building' time in the morning is currently assigned, and I find it a lot harder to do mind work in the evening. This is something I need to work on.
As for the fear issue, I feel like I'm spinning a lot of plates right now. And if I give too much attention to any one thing (whether this site or learning Italian itself) I'm afraid something is going to come crashing down. I've gained a lot more weight than I'd like over the last six months because I haven't been paying attention to my eating. My attention has been drawn in too many other directions. All of these things are priorities and I'm afraid of adding anything else in. I don't know how to decide what to abandon and what to focus on. It just feels like too much now. And when I say now, I'm not really seeing any space at any other time so I need to do it now if I want to do it at all.
Any ideas? I'm rushing to finish this now because my gym buddy arrives in 8 minutes and I haven't sorted out my shoes and water yet :)