All kids endure at least one serious, near death accident. Mine was being scalded by boiling water on my stomach/ *cough cough* crotch. My mother had prepared a giant bowl of udon noodles for supper and I made the mistake of leaning heavily on my kiddy table, only to flip the table and cause the bowl to spill all over my lap. Although, this was not a near death experience I was put in a waist cast and had to complete a painful physical therapy session once every few days. This included sitting in a sterile tub for an hour to loosen the dead skin so the doctor could scrape it off and allow the new skin to breathe. Lots of pain and lots of blood. My cast had a pee and poop flap, so that was cool. I've had stitches, a dislocated shoulder, and my mother had to awkwardly take me to the clinic to treat my first yeast infection.
All kids lie and get themselves into fucked up situations. In the 7th grade I told my parents I was going to the movies and instead I went to a party at a friend’s house. When I walked in, the TV in the living room was playing the film “KIDS.” My friends were drinking wine coolers and when those ran out they all started taking shots of cologne. I stayed on the couch fixated on the movie. How could I take my eyes off of gross kids making out, having sex, doing drugs, stealing, and having AIDS! Later that night I watched a girl get jumped, she was kicked and punched while lying on the ground covering her face. After about five minutes they let her get up and she just continued walking home. High school boys ended up at the party and I took that as my cue to leave. When I got to school that Monday morning I had already started hearing rumors of girls who had participated in a “train.” It was soon after this I befriended an overweight gentleman who turned out to be my best friend for the next 3 years.He saved me from 7th grade AIDS. Kids lie, they cheat, and they have no regard for consequences. I fear all kids are special needs until proven otherwise.
Kids cost too much money. The cost of college alone could make a person broker than a mug. It costs $4,673 a semester to attend the University of Texas at Austin. This is tuition for an undergrad liberal arts major, the lowest of the low. This doesn’t include the $500-$800 a semester for books, living costs which include rent and food which could be around $1,200 a month. $8,900 per semester, $71,000 for 4 years of college. Furthermore, this doesn’t include when they were actually living with you; feeding them, clothing them, taking them on vacations, all the Christmas and birthday presents, and buying their first car. You can spend upwards of $319,500 on one child alone and I think that’s if you’re being a cheap parent. Let’s break this number down into Chipotle burritos to give you a better idea of how much money you would be spending on your runt. A fully loaded burrito costs about $8, can’t say no to guacamole. That’s almost 40,000 burritos. I could eat 2 burritos a day for the next 55 years of my life. Boom.
Other thoughts that deter me from wanting a kid:
Will my kid end up in prison?
Will my kid be a drug addict?
Will my kid end up a rapist?
Will my kid get raped?
What if my kid is stupid?
What if my kid is hideous?
What if I don’t like my kid?
What if my kid doesn't like me?
Will my kid get pin worms?
Then I think...
What if my kid is the next Justin Bieber? And I want to have kids again.
Borrowing your friends’ kids seems like the best deal. You can choose which kid you want to spend time with and if you want to be nice you can spend $15 on them, $20 at most.
Two quick updates:
1. I made some modifications to my Facebook. In a previous post, I wrote about some of the struggles I was having with the idea of exposing a lot of daily insights and pictures to people I barely know or rarely see. I also wanted to filter my news feed so I wouldn't be confronted with over sharing from these people. I believe one of the statuses I read this morning was, "I hate my life." I went from 640 to 150 friends with full access to my account. Those people include actual close friends and family, people I communicate with on a regular basis, people who show an genuine interest in my life, and people I have recently become friends with. I then filtered my news feed by moving two-thirds of my friends to an "Acquaintance" list. This option hides all of their status updates. If I am interested in what they've been up to recently, I have to actively search for their profile to take a look. This had cut the time I spend on Facebook in half, the reading on my news feed is more interesting, and I feel more comfortable posting pictures and updates about my adventures and future plans. I struggled with feelings about whether or not to pursue these modifications because my actions could be misconstrued, however I feel it is my way of being more mindful and digitally responsible. I feel more in control of my Facebook now and I encourage everyone to do the same.
2. I started "Insanity." If you don't know, "Insanity" is a 60 day workout program. It was created by the same makers as "P90X." The workouts are 40 minutes long and include a thorough warm-up and stretching. Although I sweat like a fat kid during the warm up the actual work out is only about 20 minutes. Since being in Korea I've lost 10 pounds simply by the forced change in diet. I also walk to work everyday which is about a half mile each way. My health is looking up and I have seen a difference in my body not only on the outside but the inside, too.