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Birth of an Ajumma

I remember the first day I met her, when she took me to orientation. I got in her car and she was all smiles, but I couldn't figure out her English ability. What better way to do that then to crack a few jokes about cheating on her husband, fuck me right?

“That's a nice ring. It looks heavy.”

Welcome Back, Old Friend

On Twenty Five to Life

July 24th

I open the orange envelope and shove in four condoms and a pinch of magic mushrooms. As long as I had to give my friend a parking ticket, I was going to make it as pleasant as possible. She incurred it when we moved three boxes of her life into my room. It’s a short story- Her abusive, violent ex-girlfriend kicked her out of their apartment and now her possessions are in friends apartments in three boroughs of New York. One of which is my tiny 2 bedroom which I share with my parents. Between us, Liz and I have eaten more pussy than Alf, traveled the world, lived abroad to teach children, and now have 'real jobs' in Manhattan. College is 4 years past and 25 is in the rear-view but if the question is "What makes an adult?" the answer isD)None of the Above.

I eat two caps and a stalk and head to the Overlook in Midtown. Sliz is on the second half of a Long Island when I get to the bar and hand her the orange envelope.

"You've been served."

"Oh wonderful. Just what I needed now that I'm brokeandhomeless," she quips, putting her drink down to give me a hug. "Good to see you again."

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